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    1. #1
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      SHADES_of_IDAHO's Avatar

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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      I was hit by a drunk driver my husband was killed I was in a coma for weeks & now my son is a drunk! How ironic is that....it never stops.

      I am determined to change the way society treats alcoholics and the way the medical community sweeps them under the rug and the way the courts process alcoholics thru the system. Alcoholics have uncontrolled behaviors by cravings so powerful by a mind altering drug, alcohol. Every thought even while not drinking is connected to the cravings of a alcoholic. The brain is always thinking, always driven by one thing before all others alcohol. Ways to sabotage any attempts for sobriety for any length of time . Life is a madness only driven by the addiction and the mind of an alcoholic.

      I was hit by a drunk driver my husband was killed. I was in a coma for weeks & now my son is a black out drunk.

      Some alcoholics have expressed that I am too harsh on others who complain or beg for a way to stop drinking. Then in the next breath state that they can controll their drinking or are "just" binge drinkers..they are functional and not as bad as my son. When I see that I see a lot of denial leading to more madness. I have seen more erratic behaviors spiraling downwards to a very dark & lonely, painful place no one would ever want to be in.

      I don't sugar coat anything and state my experiences and my truths. Niceties is never going to convince any alcoholic to stop. Or aligning with their sympathies & excuses,nor pushing or forcing or bullying or by a lightening strike from a higher belief above. It's gotta come from within the individual to find all the pain buried in their very soul that drives the anxiety, & the pain to self medicate. Only then will entering rehab help them find sobriety.

      I speak in my reality from my life experience to share my pain on this thread. This is how alcohol is now my pain & my reality. Never dreaming it would draw my life to so much pain, despair and sorrow that my family and I would have to struggle with daily.

      If my story could open one heart addicted to substance abuse and to find peace and recovery, that is a huge positive outcome. That's what its all about. I really don't care how they get sober and stay sober just as long as the do.

      In reality most alcoholics the drinking stories begin with the social drinkers, but then it is a progressive disease & continues thru to the madness. It's all the same basic issue controlled cravings, addiction and denial. There are times when the life of a alcoholic is nothing but lying , stealing and the manipulation of others to get that drink.

      I was hit by a drunk driver who almost killed me and killed my husband, who was only 29 years old. Hit by a teen at a stop sign just 2 blocks from our home. The teen was on the way home from a night of drinking. I struggled for over a year thru rehab to learn how to walk, talk,read and write. I lost everything my home my job & my health. That's the impact of one drunk driver on my entire life.

      I was in a coma for three weeks.Still years later suffer daily, physically from damage to my body from that crushing accident many years ago.

      I joined MADD, ( Mothers Against Drunk Drivers).. Later after the accident I remarried. Supported MADD with my boys who volunteered thru their high school years. I was 3 months pregnant and lost the baby I was carrying and my husband at the time of the accident when a drunk driver hit us at a stop sign. I Never would have imagined that I would be a mother of the very thing I despised. A drunk behind the wheel. I would have never imagined in a million years that years later my son would be one of those drunk drivers. He has not had a liscence for over 20 years thank GOD. He still continues to drive.....even though he has no vehicle.

      Yes my story is heartbreaking and unfortunately true. I haven't tried to shock alcoholics on this thread by accusing anyone of this story being part of their lives ,YET! I say YET because If the drinking continues, it could be a part of their lives.

      Even an earthquake cannot shake them from the drink of denial. There is a huge denial reaction which I always expect when I tell my story. "Oh I'll never get that bad!" Or simply ignoring consequences back in denial. Never could they possibility be ..."that"...out of control. This story could very well end up to be one their stories with the same heartbreaking ending. Some alcoholics find sobriety,most never do.

      Some alcoholics believe they can control or cut down on their drinking and will never end up like my son. I always come back with,"" ADD YET ""..on the end of these sentences ..I am not a black out drunk YET...or I have never been in jail...YET...or I have never killed anyone...YET... or I never lost my job....YET...or lost my family and home...YET !

      For some reason the so called "controll thinking" alcoholics have is that it's all fingered out down to the color of Wiskey vs clear Vodka and alcohol content of beer to lower toxic withdrawl. What they don't realize is the harsh reality is that my son thought the exact same way many years ago. He could control his drinking & he thought he was smarter than everyone and hide bottles and alcohol in places he had access to when he needed them. He knew where all the bars were and the hangouts with all the social drinkers-buddies . My beautiful son...my beautiful child..I don't even recognize him ..I will always love him. There is no shame in becoming addicted. The shame is finding sobriety and throwing it away.

      My son ended up on life support at 32 years old. I can never get that picture out of my mind.
      After 2 weeks on life support another 3 in recovery, he was released. Started the same Alcoholic patterns again.. And the beat goes on.....

      My question is how long does a life lost in drinking, the mind lost to drinking , lost in the behaviors of drinking & lost to severe mental illness ...before they get help? This is so sad so many people with addictions are waiting for help and seldom receive it & are treated like a dog by the justice system. The system sees alcohol they don't see the mental illness. They blame the drinker not the drink! Most are given a 30 day treatment program which is never enough, others are left with no where to turn. But why deny the chance for life for a drink?

      I hope and pray that the the powers that be change how alcoholics are treated and the social stigma in society. You never hear a advertisement a fund raiser for, "A walk for alcoholics."
      It's a disease not a popular one....YET ....It is the number one disease in the world.
      .
      I have forgiven that young man who hit us years ago and changed my life forever.
      I have forgiven my son and myself. I share this story with u to let you know how alcohol can kill in so many, many different ways.

      PEACE

    2. #2
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Shades, Thank you for sharing your story. :l

    3. #3
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Thank you Molly and Pie for taking the time to read how alcohol changed my life forever! I hope and pray that since u have found sobriety that u can help others, and share how u found UR way to stop drinking.

      Congratulations to u both. You found sobriety. Isn't life a journey, now that u can feel UR life without the constant distraction of alcohol .

      It's been a long road and still fighting and have HOPE that my son will find sobriety.

      LIFE IS A GIFT.
      Shades

    4. #4
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Shades what a sad story indeed. I am so sorry for all that you've been through.

      People are indoctrinated into thinking that alcohol is something special to be coveted. The message is put out hundreds of times a day through advertising and through our conversations and actions. Any party automatically includes alcohol, that's a given. I can see the indoctrination happening with my 4 year old grandson already. When my daughter comes to visit, my husband and her will talk about how "you've got to try this beer," as they hold it up to the light and cradle it like it's a precious gem. And I watch him watching them; thinking that they're so grown up and wanting to be like that some day. It truly makes me sad.

      I was just reading a story earlier today about a 52 year old man who was arrested 4 times in 30 hours for DUI in the state of Rhode Island. Three times was in the same town. The first time he was arrested, he had crashed into another vehicle and injured two children. Yet he was out on the streets quickly enough to be arrested 3 more times in just over a day! Unbelievable! This wasn't someone who had one too many and got caught. This was someone who didn't give a rat's fart and wasn't going to stop drinking regardless of how reckless he was.

      I sincerely hope that your son can pull himself up and out of this pit of alcoholism. And I wish peace to you.

    5. #5
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Thank you for sharing - it is knowledge such as this horrible truth that brought me to a place such as this.
      I hope you are able to help your son, and find some peace

    6. #6
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      U r the only one who responded to my story.... It's so sad that most AL. Somt ever think that this could be how their drinking could have ended up .....yet.

      Yesterday was my beayril sons birthday. I cannot contact him he is lost on the woves thru ALOCOHOLOC haze of manipulation of young divorced women with children they use him to repair their homes fix their cars and he uses them for a war home for winters and eventually turns ugly from them both drinkers as the poor children get caught in the middle. Then police arrest him for drunkeness. Half the time he is black out drunk & never remembers . As the time he was on life support one the the kids he lives with tried to poison him with bleach. Because he was so mean to their mom . He almost died and was on life support for 2 weeks.. And the beat goes on. The pain is always there . I never give up hope.

      So it's just another day I know how he struggles and the horrible pain he is in.. He's 38 and been drinking since a teen.

      I'm am glad u found UR way away from the madness.. Take care, and thanks so much for UR concern.....

    7. #7
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      My son is 38 after he was on life support last yr and fought for his life for 5 weeks he was held in the hospital for evaluation for two more weeks and he was let go because he did not want the alcohol addiction program they wanted to put him in. He went back tp his Old ways no money no shoes no place to go.. Then in jail for another 18 months. Now he's out with a ankel alcohol bracelet. When he drinks the brutal police beat him and put him in jail. They don't see the disease or mental issues from alcohol they only see the drunk not the drink.. I have HOPE I'll always have hope. Hrs an adult there's nothing more I can do. I have lost so mush refering to the loss of my beautiful son..... I'm so sad I don't know how this will turn out this time.....I wait and wait and pray and pray! My health is going down hill two hip joint implants RA MY HANDS R CURLED SHUT/frozen. Really need him to help us my hubby is not well either. I cannot emotionally or physically take much more . my sons disease has taken so much from all of us. The stree alone makes me physically ill. I was so ill I eas in bed for a year... I am just not up and walking again.. On new bio meds for RA AND PSA.. STRESS has really effected my autoimmune diseases and my husband who was a alcohol specialist in the army and for ten years had his own counseling program for addiction. He is just burned out. We have 4 other children all great young men . I am the last and only family support he has everyone SLES in the family is fed up or given up. It wears you out so severely u get so caught up in helping yet all the time he's only using me & manipulating me & living to get heat he wants. He is on a state program again... They never work .. I'm HOPE THIS TIME YES THIS TIME HE WILL FIND SOBRIETY.. NEVER LOOSE HOPE & I never will ever give up on him.

    8. #8
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      This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Hello flyaway,

      The biggest problem with addiction is the cravings in the brain. The individual has no contril to just say no I Damon want a drink when the nuero paths in the brain are transmitting I want alcohol so strongly there is no control by the alcoholic by him self. There should be a program in place energy time a drunk driver is picked up and thery must be in jail I a alcohol rehab center. They cannot leave they are is a sense forces to detox and forced to unlearn how the addiction works and learn their triggers, and know that there is help. They r treated like dogs . Push shoved my son was even thrown thru a plate glass window by a angry cop because he was tired of see the same drunk my son. They do not see the mental illness or the addiction all the see is a pain in the ass. No sympathy is given . Yet this is a disease and a terrible disease,. The number one disease in the world. Society thinks they are week because they cannot say no and stop drinking, and remain drinking for years. It is not a choice to just out down a bottle of liquor when every cell in UR body is craving the alcohol. The transmitters have been trained to crave and there is no opportunity to stop drinking until that craving by nuero transmitters in the brain is shut down.
      There are many new drugs on the market to block the transmitters from the cravings of the brain. This is a psychological and physical disease. There is nothing worse than a out of control black out drunk. It is so vile and discusting most drunks r treated like animals. Many brains have shrunk and cells die as well as mental illness sets in as well as Alzheimer's brought on by alcohol, even though the person is young the alcohol can cause many diseases of the brain, mind and body.

      Mu son is the worst of the worst. I know him when he has no been drinking. He is the kindest most helpful person with a huge heart to help others. When he drinks he is a monster someone I'd rather not be around. He is evil when the addiction takes over. Like jewel and Hyde.

      M whole life has been devoted to help him give addiction a place in society worth of treatment very time not just treated like looses in society and placed where they waste away like a starved animal. They need love , family and support.. Not isolated made to feel even more rejected. I have hope that some day my sone with find sobriety. Right now is out of jails with a ankel bracelet. So if he drinks the cops will come get him and treat him like a dog. I breaks my heart he is a sick young man with a disease not a criminal.

    9. #9
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      Re: This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Hello everyone ... Some of you may remember me and I catch up on many of you frequently. So proud of your sobriety, how hard you all worked together to be there every day for each other. Reading your many words of support truly brought peace.

      Many of you were very supportive and kind when I posted my story about my sonís struggles with sobriety.so many of you messaged me and gave me hope. This is a heartbreaking saga from beginning to end. How does anyone ever find peace once a child is taken by alcohol addiction. AUD had been a Life long struggle for my son . He was so gifted and talented, and truly loved . He will truly be missed. He was my heart. He also struggled with ADHD and the COMBINATION was lethal. This is the worst day of my life. All the pain and struggles he endured for so many years I know now that he is at peace and he is finally free. Dear heavenly Father, God Bless him and give him a home where he will always be loved . RIP my dear sweet beautiful son.
      "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

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      Re: This is my story my husband taken from me by a drunk driver the pain never goes.

      Hi Shades.

      So sorry to hear of the loss of your son. That is devastating. Geez you've had a rough ride. When is his funeral?

      'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

      Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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