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    1. #1
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      cowgal's Avatar

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      totally F***ked!

      I feel like I am losing it, will be ok tomorrow, but I am pretty much stuck in this horrible marriage, so many people told me I could get out and be ok and happy, but why not just settle for unhappy and keep all the stuff I have, maybe will keep friends and just stay away from this house which is sooooooooooo depressing, my counselor is going to fire me, I am doing everything he has advised me not to do...........

      I am going to change my life and he can just stay the way he is, we have grown apart soooooooooo much over the past 10 years, we don't even know what to talk about anymore...........I know I need to get my SH*T together or I won't be any use to the kids or myself at all

      Love Mary Anne:h :h :l

    2. #2
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      totally F***ked!

      keep your chin up...be strong...the morning will look brighter....i am sending good thoughts and prayers your way..:l buckle

    3. #3
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      totally F***ked!

      first- can I be straight and ask if you've been dinking.?. I'm just saying that because when I used to drink I thought my hubby (God bless his soul) was the most horrible person on this earth, I hated my life, I wanted to run away....etc etc. But sober-he is the kindest, most gentle person you would love to call friend & my life-gosh-why should I complain?
      You just seem very aggitated & short in your post. Take a deep breath.

      Like buckle said-tomorrow will be better. A new page. Anger & alcohol do not mix. I'm also sending serenity....tomorrow will be better. Trust me.

    4. #4
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      totally F***ked!

      Gut feeling

      Hey there Cowgal

      One the best pieces of advice I never followed was that lots of our life is made up up stages- for instance, you never think your baby will ever stop shitting their nappy or whine (well that bit never ends) but then when things look brighter, you feel brighter and wonder why you felt so awful. Alcohol however is a depressant, we all know that - yet again - take own advice????

      On the other hand if you are truely miserable a big overhaul may be needed. I have been divorced and it was a horrid time, but it passed, another phase (no children, which I appreciate is a big complicating and heart wrenching / economical factor), but it gets better. I have a new husband, a child and perspective. Life is too short to be miserable and self abusive, whatever form that takes (not passing judgement, just my experience). Follow your gut, then your heart. Ride it out and stay strong.

      Hundi x (from Australia) - All our woes are universal see! We are united.

    5. #5
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      totally F***ked!

      He'll change if you change... but one of you has to do something... but setting a bad example for your children is not what God has called either one of you to do. I think you should re-think whose being abusive to who... it would appear the two of you are being abusive to your children. Sorry... For every action there is a reaction... Make sure you're not getting a high on the giity up on the high of the alcohol fight the two of you seem to be having... because I fear your children are paying the price....
      I'm not a professional... it's just my un un un gut feeling...
      If you were my baby sister... I'd be telling you this... so that's that... I don't know your whole situation . But if you are not putting your kids first... both of you are at fault!!!! and should be ashamed!!!!

    6. #6
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      totally F***ked!

      Hey Cowgal,

      There are really two separate major issues here, your drinking and your troubled marriage. One thing I know for sure (from personal experience), is that it is impossible to sort anything out whilst we are drinking. There are no guarantees that your husband will change, if you change, or if you quit drinking. He is responsible for his behavior, not you.

      Not one of us here can claim innocence when it comes to hurting people, if we drink, we hurt people in one way or another. If we have children, we have, in the very least confused them. I do not believe in "Guilt", guilt is a negative emotion that only drags us down further. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. The good news is that, children are very forgiving and resilient. Nothing is beyond repair.

      I engourage you to get out your MWO book and start from the beginning. Start the supps. and the exercise (even just a good walk everyday)......this will help to clear your head. Once your have been sober for a little while, you will start making sense of things. And.....keep coming back here, we are here to support you.

      Warm thoughts,
      KateH

      I do not beli

    7. #7
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      lucky 2.0's Avatar

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      totally F***ked!

      Being single is WONDERFUL!!! Go for it!

    8. #8
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      totally F***ked!

      ah you know that kate, wow, she is way cool, and has some smack on advice. you know my dove that i love you like the moon and the stars. pm or call me any fucking time you want. and your counselor only threatened if he did at all to fire you because well, he is frustrated perhaps or scared for you and can't make a difference.
      so, numero uno. your child is beautiful but hon you are giving him a very major example of what alcohol is doing and even though in his teens this is imprinting him. i don't know if the damage can be repaired at this point but you can stop inflicting it. read my words. you can stop inflicting it. meaning get him out of this situation.
      i actually don't agree that if you change your husband will. your husband is going to do what he does and locking yourself behind closed doors is not a safe environment at all and it doesn't for one moment tell your teenager that this is a great way to live. and i'm going to be straight with you. you have every real chance that your teen will grow up to be just like you or your hubby. i know frightening isn't it? but the statistics are so high in that favor that alone should slap you majorly in the face.
      so, i would tell you straight up if you didn't have a beautiful child, and you wanted to live out your years in this abusive way then i'd say hey, maybe that's your karma. but honey, is it his karma for you to force this on him? i mean he doesn't have a choice. he can't leave. he could but he won't leave you in this situation. so you in many ways are forcing him to have this kind life because you refuse to take the actions you know will sober you, save you and him and stop being so selfish. so, is that fair to him. really? now, again, you know i love you like the moon and the stars. and because i do, i'm giving you that bootsie straight talk that i give myself which i have about taking ourselves back. if you can't take yourself back for your ownsake. if you can't muster the strength to love yourself enough to take you back for you. cuz you know i know more than you've shared on these boards, then for godsakes do what is right for this child who has no choice but to stand by you and watch you not only in so much pain, killing yourself, but locking yourself in your room, taking so much abuse and feeling absolutely powerless as a child to do anything about it. what do you think that makes him feel like? and how do you think that will shape his life?

      so, cowgal wake up call. call your counseler. get antibuse, get sober... get yourself in a place to make some decisions while sober and as i said if you for now can't muster the strength to be here for you. then you need to do this for that child of yours. you can not complain about something you are unwilling to change. (quoting myself : to myself) daily.

    9. #9
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      totally F***ked!

      Sorry Capt JB-maybe I missed something...but those are much sharp-egded words. We can help those in need without making them feel like crap. Being ashamed-I think we've all felt that(in one way or another) & do not need to be reprimanded. We need words of encouragement to move forward without moving back. There are words to say "you did bad" & "don'tdo it again" like Boot said "get help" ....no need for harsh words.

    10. #10
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      totally F***ked!

      Hi Mary Anne,
      I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. If you can just focus on getting yourself well and trust that when you feel better you will be able to make the right decisions.
      Thinking of you

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