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Thread: Thoughts on AA?

  1. #1
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    Thoughts on AA?

    I find that I need more help than just online forums and personal reflection can provide, and I am thinking about joining A.A.

    I came to My Way Out because I was worried about a serious binge drinking episode that I had (2 bottles of wine in one night) right before I found out I was pregnant, at 2.5 weeks after conception. I have not had anything to drink since then, but I have realized looking back that I was drinking a lot more than I wanted to acknowledge.

    I was having 2-3 drinks easily per night during the week, and during this same two week window before I knew I was pregnant, I was also putting down the occasional bottle of wine by myself. (The two bottles at once was just a new record for me, which scared me.) And this pattern actually extended further back than I realized at the time.

    I was drinking because I wanted to, because it made me "feel better," because I didn't want to deal with other issues/problems in my life.

    I have plenty of motivation to not drink now because I'm pregnant, but I worry about all these other feelings taking over once the baby is born. I'm still struggling with guilt/self-worth issues over the idea that I might have harmed my baby, and with fetal alcohol issues, it could be years before we know anything for sure. And I don't want to start drinking again to cope with that stress.

    I took the AA "quiz" and answered 8 or more questions "yes," which is apparently a strong indicator that AA might be for me.

    I'm still new to this concept of "I have a drinking problem" and am hoping for some guidance regarding whether AA really works and is effective in the long-term.

  2. #2
    Registered User. MonaCat's Avatar

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    Thoughts on AA?

    AA works really well for some folks and not so well for others. I would suggest you give a meeting a try. Look for a meeting in safe part of town. They have beginners meetings which are best to start with. Familiarize yourself with the program before you go. Read the 12 steps on line and google how meetings are run, so you will feel comfortable when you get there. Nothing ventured, nothing gain and best wishes in your recovery !
    :h

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    Thoughts on AA?

    Hi EMW,

    I don't know if this is what you want to hear but the best advice I can give is to go to a meeting. You need to see first hand the interaction and dialogue of everyone. It can't adequately be described whether it works for you by someone else. You need to experience it first hand and see if it is something that is comfortable for you. There are always multiple meetings in multiple locations in every city every day of the week, go to one and see what you think. I'm not a salesperson for AA, I went to a meeting and decided it was not for me but I saw real value in the organization and would not rule it out in the future. Good luck!

  4. #4
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    Thoughts on AA?

    Thanks, I'm going to try to attend an open AA meeting this weekend. I'm debating whether I should tell my family and friends that I am going. Most of them do not really think that I have a drinking problem or that if I really had a "problem," I wouldn't have been able to stop when I found out I was pregnant.

    The real issue is that I couldn't stop drinking before we knew we were pregnant, and I worry that I will turn right back to drinking once the baby is born and there is nothing to stop me.

    So, here we go...I'll try out a meeting and will keep you posted.

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    Thoughts on AA?

    Hey Emw,

    I'm glad you're considering a meeting. I personally don't see a need to tell your friends and family however. A big part of going to a meeting is the anonymity which not only is for the people at the meeting but, at least at first, is for you too. A lot of people have stigmas about AA, is he/she a drunk etc. Why open yourself up to that, go to a meeting and see how it goes and keep it confidential IMHO. Good luck EMW!

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    Thoughts on AA?

    allswell;1511937 wrote: Hey Emw,

    I'm glad you're considering a meeting. I personally don't see a need to tell your friends and family however. A big part of going to a meeting is the anonymity which not only is for the people at the meeting but, at least at first, is for you too. A lot of people have stigmas about AA, is he/she a drunk etc. Why open yourself up to that, go to a meeting and see how it goes and keep it confidential IMHO. Good luck EMW!
    Thanks, allswell. I was not sure if keeping AA a secret would be a good thing (i.e. help me to be honest with addressing my problem and without worrying about judgment) or a bad thing (just another thing that I'm keeping from the people who love me).

    I'm going to keep this under my hat for now and will just tell my husband that I'm slipping out on Sunday to run some errands. I hate to lie, but there is a part of me that does want to preserve that anonymity.

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    Thoughts on AA?

    Hey Emw,

    I don't see a lie anywhere, you're being very truthful - an errand to do. I've met a lot of people who think going to a meeting immediately labels an individual a drunk. Go to a meeting a see if it feels right then decide whether you want to open yourself up to the scrutiny some might place. Good luck, I think it's fantastic you're looking forward to a bright future for you, your husband and your new child!

  8. #8
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    Thoughts on AA?

    you may have to shop meetings, too.
    I have gone to two different one and got good things from both, but have yet to find one where I click
    as far as telling your hubs....maybe you could tell him and no one else??

  9. #9
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    Thoughts on AA?

    I don't really want to tell my husband because I think that he will take it personally that I want to go to AA and that I feel like I have a problem with drinking, one that will return post-pregnancy. I think he feels bad that he did not see how bad my drinking was, or rather, that he did not want to recognize it because he was drinking alongside me.

    He has really scaled down his drinking while I'm pregnant, but he still drinks. I don't think he has the issue that I had - that one drink just wasn't enough, once I got started.

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    Thoughts on AA?

    I suggest you might like to talk to a sympathetic doctor or counsellor//therapist as well. Once the baby is born your hormones will most likely be all over the place. I don't know what your own plans will be but I was so bloody tired after birth and during the first several months that drinking was not attractive. I also breast-fed and while you are exclusively breast-feeding - AL should be no go (but we alkies eventually find ways to compromise on this). Its good that you are thinking about addressing your AL issues but this might the time - while you are sober - to talk through some of the other reasons behind your drinking and from what it sounds to me - broader issues about yourself and your family.

    All the best for your pregnancy and don't worry too much about the baby. Avoid the scary stories on the internet!

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