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  1. #1
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Idk, i feel like everyone else is connected, that they all have someone or people to go home to, and i don't. I truly feel like an outsider in life, like i am standing on the outside looking in. I feel like that stage you go through when you're 15 and you feel like your real life hasn't begun yet and you're waiting for a big bang and for it all to take off. It's kind of a freaky feeling, laden with a little fear and apprehension. I basically have nobody. I just don't feel connected to anybody right now and the very few friends i do have, have managed to let me down lately, and i just don't feel that they are reliable and solid (and, yes, i do feel that i've been making effort lately).

    I think i've screwed up my life cos i didn't prepare for old age by staying with the right partner or having a family of my own. Now, it's too late. For the kids part that is, i'm In my mid forties. As i grow older, i can see everybody around me dropping off and my almost greatest fear is that i'll be left here, on this earth, with NO ONE!

    I don't think alc's got anything to do with this, if anything i was using it to mask massive underlying feelings of inadequacy and sadness.

    Just wondering if anybody else has felt nearly destitute? I can barely see a way out of this. Not a pity party, just a dread-party.

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Hi Change,

    I have felt the same way, and sometimes still do. But i know it is up to me to get out there and make connections. Simple as that. It's a bit of effort, but it's what i have to do now. I was an isolating drinker for the last few years, and have lost my mojo a little, and have lost connection. I have a few great friends luckily who i still see, but i need to put myself out there on the 'world stage' a hell of a lot more, and more consistently if i want to find a partner, and if i want my life to be richer. It is tempting for me, and would be very easy to isolate and return to the hermit life, but that could lead me back to some negative, self pity thinking, and a fast return to drinking myself quietly to death.

    Life is outside that window, outside the front door, and for me, i must take daily action getting out and about and mixing it, until that daily action becomes comfortable. Just my perspective and 2 bobs worth. P.S. For me booze has played a big part in my isolation and single status.

    All the best friend. Chin up and just do your best.

  3. #3
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    change i feel for you.Im late 40's and i think its an age where we kind of start assessing our lives.. i suppose its called mid life crisis. you may be looking at.people now with their 'perfect' connected lives but things change. people lose partners, children move away, friends drift in and out. there are no guarantees in anyone's life. your future can be as rich as anyone's. i struggle a bit with these thoughts myself but in brighter moments it can be viewed differently

  4. #4
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Change,:l

    I'm a single 52-year-old woman who has never been married and never had kids. I also have not dated in 6 years. I went through a crisis just like you did, after I broke up with my partner of 5 years. I drank myself silly out of loneliness, mainly, and because I felt overwhelmed with my career and my mom's cancer. I was terrified of being abandoned, too. The way I got through this was to volunteer what little time I had to an organization that teaches practical living skills to adults who are dually afflicted with deafness and blindness. I act as a guide once a month at their social gathering. Talk about people who are isolated!!! Could you stand to be deaf AND blind? I come away from these gatherings nearly in tears, but it makes me so grateful for the life I have. Volunteering helps you take the negative focus away from your own life, and you will probably make new friends in doing so. I know I have..

    I need to put myself out there on the 'world stage' a hell of a lot more, and more consistently if i want to find a partner, and if i want my life to be richer. It is tempting for me, and would be very easy to isolate and return to the hermit life, but that could lead me back to some negative, self pity thinking, and a fast return to drinking myself quietly to death.
    Guitarista is spot on with his words. He's a smart man (and good-looking, too).

    I know your situation feels hopeless, Change. PM if you want/need to.

    Hiya, G!!!:h:h

  5. #5
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Change, I so understand, really I do. It doesn't have to be this way though and things do change with time
    This time of the year is so difficult because we are bombarded with images of fun, laughter, lovers and family.. it's not all true though
    I am also on my own, many of us are. But ditto to G man and Rusty.. it will be ok and as the saying goes everything is as it should be.. for now
    Take care and like Rusty.. PM if you want to
    Love to you
    Patrice x

  6. #6
    Registered User. Sunbeam's Avatar

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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    I agree with Rusty: consider doing some volunteer work. There are so many needs out there. You will feel more valued.

  7. #7
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    patrice;1595940 wrote: Change, I so understand, really I do. It doesn't have to be this way though and things do change with time
    This time of the year is so difficult because we are bombarded with images of fun, laughter, lovers and family.. it's not all true though
    I am also on my own, many of us are. But ditto to G man and Rusty.. it will be ok and as the saying goes everything is as it should be.. for now
    Take care and like Rusty.. PM if you want to
    Love to you
    Patrice x
    yes, i have had some of my most awful and lonely Christmas with family/partners. company doesn't always equate to happiness

  8. #8
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    So true Spud.. this time of the year is SO trying
    How are you? hope you are good
    Take care
    Pat

  9. #9
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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Change, how are you doing? We care about you.

    Spuds and Patrice are right. The suicide rate in the US is the highest between Christmas and New Year's because there is so much hype about what a joyful, family time it's supposed to be, but LOTS of people I know have little or no family, or a family nobody would want. My closest friend says she could skip the holidays altogether. They just make her sad.

    If you're feeling badly, Change, would a really good workout help? It will boost your endorphins if you can let off some steam. That usually helps me when I'm blue. Stay close and let us know how you're getting on.:l

  10. #10
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    At a stand-still in life, it's like life hasn't 'taken off' for me?

    Beautiful comments everyone. Good to see you Rusty!
    Hugs to you Change...sorry I can't be more help...

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