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    Results 11 to 20 of 23
    1. #11
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      My husband is th Devil!

      hummm. that has to be seriously tough. my husband hides it or throws it down the sink. so no enabling there. i think reading things about enabling would be useful. losing a drinking buddy or having someone change may mean they will leave you. i know i read this great book on solutions i think it was called pathway or the solution and it talked about just that. the enabling partner and communication. it was purely around survival and not having the relationship be threatened. i remember a woman saying in that book that her hubby would bring home all these pastries to keep her fat so that he didn't have to deal with maybe losing her to other men. just interesting ways we don't communicate with each other our real pain and our real feelings and our real needs. all else is this mask that covers it all up. so you numb it and we don't have to discuss it. i know hubby and i are doing alot more communicating and my even explaining differences in how he's wired and i am and what i need and the support i need from him are making a difference. good luck and i'm sending you a cyber hug

    2. #12
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      My husband is th Devil!

      Hi all...

      I have laways drank with my hubby as well as anybodyelse that passed through my life!!
      at first my hubby was supportive and listened. Then i went on and on and on about my booze problem until he gor a little tired of my "favourite subject". He did come on board with me and we both did 46 days AF over Feb and March for Lent along with anothe r friend who is also addicted!!
      that was the turning point for all 3 of us...i realised after those days AF i needed to moderate which i have done with some success.

      amazingly my hubby has also cut his intake dramatically and we both dont drink weekdays now.
      sometimes one partner feels threatened by change or has to face their own demons.
      also in relationships where alcohol is used a lot there are big fears to face each other without being under the influence of mind altering substances!!

      I,ve been married 30 plus years and had to face the fact that i used alcohol pre any intimacy and felt fear about not being able to "hide behind the booze to loosen up!!(thats enough info on that subject)

      I,m sure other people have had to face similar situations.i felt the shy lady for a while but now realise how beautiful it is to share intimacy sober!!!
      I continue to have a few wines over the weekend and cant pretend i dont enjoy that BUT i still get scared i will slip back to the old daily drinking routine.

      The saving grace is i check in here a lot as a reminder of what i am trying to achieve and to learn from you honest people.

      So for now hubby is right on board with me and since feb/ March time when we got going on the Af and moderating life has been more peaceful between us..Thank God.

      regards cassy

    3. #13
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      My husband is th Devil!

      Thank you...you guys are so smart! I think that it is fear of change. He told me once that he didn't like change and he does have quite the routine down in most things. I may have to think about moderating instead of totally quiting. I like how some of you have made rules up, like no drinking on weekdays, no more than 3 etc....

    4. #14
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      My husband is th Devil!

      Hi Buffy,
      If you want to stop drinking...you do it!Your last post here saying you were thinking you might have to do Mod's instead.....but thats for him not you.
      It's the nice thing for everyone to suggest the less sinister side of your hubby's motives...but I think it's bloody manipulative.
      In the opening post you mentioned that you drank most of the wine ,it would seems that he would be aware of this.I'm probably overstepping my bounds here not realy knowing your situation properly, but I have been in controlling relationships before and this reeks of it.Perhaps the next time he brings home the 2 bottles of wine you could ask him if its one for each of you...then you could open yours and pour it down the sink...maybe the message will sink in then.Getting this alcohol beast out of your life is extremely difficult and you need all the support you can get along the way.
      You choose whats best for you Buffy and we'll all be here to support you...
      Good luck
      Victoria xxooxx

    5. #15
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      My husband is th Devil!

      Hi Buffy, I feel for you.

      My bf is so hard to read sometimes. He knows my struggle and this week for example he called me up on his way home from work one night to ask if I would like any alcohol. Of course I said yes because I had his validation for doing so.

      He drinks every night but can handle it, but the last few nights he has not brought any home (first time in nearly 2 years) I questioned him about it and he said he wanted to reduce his intake at home. I think he has come round a bit and has realised that his drinking habits influence mine. At the end of the day though I think we make our own choices, I really want to try af as much as I can, but I think it's hard for our partners as they feel like they are losing a drinking buddy.

      Honey just do what's right for you.

      Good luck!!

      Kitty

    6. #16
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      My husband is th Devil!

      ah buffy girl. you have to start somewhere. and if you aren't ready to start at AF then start at mods. you'll know soon enough if you can do that. i always think to my self and no offense to anyone. some of us are sicker than others. lol so see if the i can drink with restraint works for you yahoo girl go baby go. for sure though get all the meds and stuff cuz whatever you choose it will assist you. the book, meds god they are finally kicking in for me. and cds and kudzo, lglut aminos. all good stuff. the behavior will then be the part you get to take charge of. but at least the rest of this will be there to support you in mods behavior. it will just be the great day when having a drink or not takes up no more space in your life then if i want to polish my toes nails. now won't that just be the lemon twist you your water? until then, make a plan and then put everything around you including a plastic bat to smack yourself with and wake yourself up. lol you know arm yourself and let's get to it. and i can't count how many day ones i've had these last few months. but i can say after having 10 years of sobriety. tis possible to do girl. so it is about what is it i am committed to doing. cyber huggy taking over

    7. #17
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      Flip's Avatar

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      My husband is th Devil!

      I agree with Stollies - what are HIS motives for keeping you a drunk?

      Yes, you have to be strong and stick to your goals and dreams, but he needs to be told not to sabotage you every step of the way. Why would he want to do that to you?

    8. #18
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      Breez's Avatar

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      My husband is th Devil!

      I'd be a little more than annoyed. My hubby (who is a typical social drinker) has not touched a drop of alcohol longer than I have because he is supportive of me. I told him at restaurants and at picnics that I don't mind but his answer is that he's doing it for me. He does not want to do anything that will jeopardize my new life-our new life-and I would do the same for him.

      Although when we started our new health kick I bought his favorite cookies for the kids-hee hee~wink, wink.

    9. #19
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      My husband is th Devil!

      Buffy, when I starting here and was doing Mods, Mick would bring home 2 bottles of wine of a Friday night - and just like your situation, I would end up drinking most of it. After a few weekends of this happening, I had to sit down and really spell it out to him. I acknowledged that it was very sweet of him to be thinking of me like what I would have liked in the past, but that things have changed and a decision has been made.

      I think any problem drinker would struggle, just as you did and I have in the past too.

      That did put a stop to it.

      You're quite clearly making great progress with managing this Buf, so feel good about yourself for that!

    10. #20
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      My husband is th Devil!

      i think thats what it is , ive cried so many times to bf, about how i want to stop, he says he supports me, BUT he still buys beer in the wek an expects me to b strong, instead of reducing hes been buying 24 pk as its cheaper to buy bulk!! i guess he dosent want to have to quit, he seems to think he has no problem, but im not sure, mayb he just hasent admitted it yet

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