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    1. #11
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      Glass Half Empty's Avatar

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      Quote Originally Posted by abcowboy View Post
      [FONT=Verdana][COLOR="#000080"]I appreciate all the comments, I really do but I think my message wasn’t really clear.
      Au contraire. Your message could not have been clearer.

      Please don't assume that our dissent indicates a lack of understanding.
      Last edited by Glass Half Empty; May 29th, 2016 at 10:25 PM.
      There's two ways of looking at the holes in your shoes
      You can dig the ventilation... or you can sing the blues

      I didn't come this far to only come this far.

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    3. #12
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      The truth about alcohol is unpleasant, for far from being the bearer of good times, as it is commonly portrayed in advertisements, it actually brings pain and remorse into your life. It promises that you’ll feel good while drinking it, yet at the same time it silently wreaks havoc on your body, mind, relationships and finances. And just when you may start to realize the great damage it is doing to you, it deceives you yet again into believing that it is somehow the best escape from the problems in your life. Problems that alcohol caused in the first place. It also numbs you to the fact that alcohol damages the body in a hundred different ways. It is a cancer that takes hold of every area of your life, growing unseen year after year, until one day you wake up and ask yourself “how did my life get so screwed up?”

      Alcohol is also a thief, stealing money from you every chance it gets. Thousands upon thousands of your dollars have disappeared, simply flushed down the drain because of alcohol abuse. Money that could have bought a new car, a nice home, or simply saved for a rainy day. And it steals your time, as hour after hour is wasted drinking a poison – instead of being spent with family and loved ones, or spent on a hobby, or working, or doing something constructive. Furthermore, it steals your youth by making you appear years older than you really. It causes premature graying (or losing) of your hair, deep wrinkles and unsightly blemishes, and the complete loss of a healthy skin tone. All the while being even more destructive inside of your body, as it destroys one organ after another, which takes years off of your life.

      Here’s the truth about alcohol: it isn’t an escape from your problems … it is the cause of your problems. And the sooner you learn how to stop drinking the sooner your problems will disappear, and your life will begin to dramatically improve in every way possible. Even if at first you can only take a baby step towards sobriety to change, you must take that first step. Face up to the truth: it is time to root out the cause of your problems and remove it from your life. You’ll be thankful you did.
      Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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    5. #13
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      To answer your original question, no, i don't want to be sober, all the time. I am sober most of the time though.

      Thing that i found with quitting is that when the initial rush of sobriety wore off two months in, i realised how mundane my life seemed, and also how much anxiety and mental illness i have, which the drinking was masking (the drama of the ups and downs, hangover = something to focus on, hope = 'when i stop drinking, my life will get better'). You talk about 'loved ones and family'. I don't have either, in abundance. I am very much on my own, and feel very isolated.

      I most likely have PTSD (work related issues, and long term and family stuff) and today i had to admit to myself that i have a problem and can't blame alcohol or others for it. Unfortunately, i have to solve it on my own, with the help of a counsellor when i can be bothered putting it into action.

      Any advice Cow? I'd be willing to hear it. Have been sober for 3.5 months, apart from a little conscious slip for a few days last week.
      Last edited by Change; May 31st, 2016 at 07:14 AM.
      One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

    6. #14
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      Cowboy, great to see you!! So happy you stayed the course and are a better human for it.
      I know exactly what you are saying about some of the angry/aggressive people that pop up, slug you, and then point out what a loser they think you are.
      Been there too. Decided I am not going to let anyone drive me away because I have benefited so much from this site. Plus the majority are fine, in my humble opinion, and do have their hearts in the right place. I think things can easily be misinterpreted or people can just be in an ugly mood and need to lash out at strangers?

      Again, glad you are well!
      (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

    7. #15
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      Oh Change I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I found a cousellor really helpful. I had tried a few in the past, but I was finally referred to one that dealt with the whole problem, my mental health, my life issues as well as my drinking. But you really have to work at it and it is tough. But the rewards of being sober are life changing. My mental health and outlook has never been more positive. Please give it a wholehearted try. If you dont get on with that specific counsellor, find another one that you can relate to.
      I can not alter the direction of the wind,

      But I can change the direction of my sail.



      AF since 01/05/2014

      100 days 07/08/2014

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    9. #16
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      Hi Abc,
      So good to see you back, and a huge congratulations on sticking with your sobriety! Here’s too many more years. I too have laid low, but been popping back. I always wondered how you were doing and hoped you were well.

      I just want to say I agree with you. I WAS as serial slipper, I tried and tried to stay quit, but I repeatedly lapsed and picked up a drink. It was a horrendous downward spiral that I had to break. I use the word WAS because I have completely changed my thinking and attitude to drinking. Surely by saying to yourself ‘I AM a serial slipper’, the door is being left open for one more drink?

      I finally got it when I realised there are only 2 options, pick up a drink and forever perpetuate this hideous cycle of destruction, or not. I literally visualised it as two choices, 2 paths of my life.

      I now see drinking as a crossroads, and I have two pathways. One pathway......is the Alcohol I LEFT behind as I remain sober & avoid Al at all costs. Or if I choose the other path & have that glass of wine, I will be immediately RIGHT back in the drunken chaos that was my hateful life. So I have a choice & I choose not to drink today. Simple.

      So of course, words of comfort and encouragement, sharing tools and learnt wisdom. But it really is quite simple, pick up a drink, and you will never break the cycle. Why would you want to go back to day one over and over again.
      Yes, it is bloody hard work, and tests us daily, but it is simple, I haven’t turned right and picked up a drink in 2 years and 1 month. And yes life is very stressful, but wonderfully sober. So I guess I'm trying to say, You can't keep doing the same actions and expect a different outcome.

      Good to hear from you Abc.
      Last edited by autumn; May 31st, 2016 at 08:17 AM.
      I can not alter the direction of the wind,

      But I can change the direction of my sail.



      AF since 01/05/2014

      100 days 07/08/2014

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    11. #17
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      It’s obvious I had too much time on my hands today lol. Not long ago that would have meant fill the time with a 15 pack of Budweiser! But this morning after reading some of the replies, I spent the time looking back over this past year, and what it has done for me. Change, I don’t think anyone in their first few years of sobriety doesn’t think about having a drink. I call them my “I wish” moments. But lasting sobriety comes from the fact that you want to be sober more than you want to drink. That doesn’t mean you won’t have those “I wish” days. Even after a year of sobriety I still have “I wish” days. In my experience, nothing even provokes these feelings. They just happen because every day cannot be simple. If every day was simple, then sobriety wouldn’t be so darn hard. But I’ve found that for every “I wish” day, there are 99 “I’m grateful” days. I’ve been lucky in that most everyone in my life has been supportive. But still, there is always the occasional person who just doesn’t comprehend that I can’t have “just one.” Maybe they didn’t know me when I drank, or maybe they just don’t care. Either way, learning to say “no” in a sometimes-aggressive manner has been necessary. I’ve learned that people need to know where I stand, and it’s not up to them to pass judgment. I was pretty convinced that life as I knew it was ending when I got sober. I didn’t think that I would ever be as happy as I was when I was drinking, or that life would ever seem as bright. But guess what? I still do everything I did before, minus the drinking. I even have fun while sober.

      When I first started my journey, my Uncle told me, “You won’t believe how much better your life can be when you’re sober.” I doubted it. I loved getting drunk because the buzz allowed me to forget about everything else pressing or nagging in my life. I don’t have that problem today. It is refreshing to have nothing to hide from in my life. I’m proud of where I am and who I am, because I put a heck of a lot of work into becoming that person. My sobriety will never be something I’ll regret! I regret so many things I did while drinking. So many. But I do not regret one day of sobriety, and that’s a pretty darn good feeling. Is sobriety a sacrifice? An interesting question with undoubtedly some interesting answers. Someone on the Cue asked me the other day what one word would I use to describe sobriety? Without hesitation, I answered “freedom”. But with most freedoms, a bit of sacrifice comes with them. We should have finished seeding the other day, but the beer clouds rolled in… “Beer clouds” you ask? Okay, let me explain to the non-farmers. When rain clouds move in, farmers refer to them as “beer clouds” or “whiskey clouds”. When you’re busy in the fields, the days are long and tiring and it doesn’t leave much time in the day to drink, so when rain moves in you can relax a bit and enjoy a few beverages. So when it started raining, the rest of the crew were grateful for the “beer clouds” and they all headed down to the neighbour Tommy’s shop to relax and tip a few back. I have been there a number of times in the past 16 months without any urges or pressure to drink. Just fine with having a Coke or coffee and enjoying the conversations with the area farmers. But Friday, a small voice in my head said I should skip this time. I’m pretty comfortable in my quit, but when the voice of reason talks to me, I listen! So I told the farm boss that I was just going to lock up the camper and head for home to spend the down time with Bubba and Hank. And there lies another answer to long term sobriety. I now have freedom from the claws of alcohol so I’m willing to make a few small sacrifices to maintain my quit. It all boils down to what’s really important to you…..

      You made it to 3.5 months then had your “conscious slip”, in other words, you wanted to drink more than you wanted to be sober. Did it change anything long term? I doubt it. Maybe it did in that few hours, but every reason why you drank was still there waiting for you the next day. Try something different, next time you need to drink, call a friend, go for a walk, say a prayer or two, come to MWO or where ever, volunteer somewhere. There are many other things available other than drinking, you just need to do them. And give it more time, I think I was about 7 months sober before I really appreciated the fact that I was sober! And don’t wait any longer, put your plan into action! If you got to 3.5, set a goal for six! If you don’t think you can make it, call me, or message me. You just need to get through that moment, and you can get through it. Drinking isn’t a need, it’s a want, so choose to want sobriety more. It's your choice and it’s a pretty simple one I think.
      Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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    13. #18
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      Hi Eloise! It’s good to be back! If I’ve learned anything in the past 16 months, it’s definitely not to take every comment to heart. I try to understand where it came from and why, then add them to my prayers. Like you, comments like those won’t keep me away, I don’t put anyone on ignore as everyone is entitled to their opinion. If they don’t like mine, then don’t read my thread. Negative posts don’t help anyone. It’s great to see you forging ahead in your sobriety and enjoying a sober life!

      Autumn, thanks for your comments. Wouldn’t it be so simple if there was just one way every one needed to get sober. I agree with the comments that some people need cuddling, hugs, and reassurance every time they slip, but that doesn’t work for everyone. Maybe it was their way out, but it isn’t everyone’s. As you say, there are really only 2 choices, to drink or not to drink. Just like the statement from Shawshank Redemption, “get busy living, or get busy dying, the choice is yours”. Once you make that choice, you have to do everything in your power to stick with that choice. And it’s a choice everyone has, they just have to make it.
      Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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    15. #19
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      Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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    17. #20
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      Something I’ve been thinking about over the past few months is that feeling you get when you reach one year of sobriety. I don’t know about everyone else, but it felt like a huge milestone to me, if I could just get to that one year then my struggles would almost go away. And as I went through my journey month after month seeing my sober time increase, knowing that this would be the quit that sticks, I knew what being sober was all about. It wasn’t just about not drinking, it was about being a whole new person. A person that deals with other struggles, emotions, good and bad times, without the need for a crutch.

      So where and why did my life change years ago where I started relying on that crutch. What happened that made me think I could bury my life in a bottle and leave it there? I don’t know, but it happened. And when you reach for alcohol once to bury or hide whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s almost certain that you’ll repeat that behaviour. And you’ll do it time and time again till one day you’ll look back, just like I did, and wonder how it all started. To this day I still have a hard time accepting that alcoholism is a disease because for so many years I used it as a remedy. I drank because of other issues, if I could accept and/or solve those issues, I would be able to stop needing alcohol to do it for me.

      That then raises another thought. If I get the reasons or excuses I used for my drinking under control, could I not then control my drinking? I’ll never know the answer to that because I’m not willing to take the chance. I’ve went over a year without tasting so much as a drop of alcohol, and you know what, I don’t miss it! It isn’t something that we need like air and water, it isn’t a necessity. But we are lead to believe that through the power of advertising. And other people can’t seem to accept the fact that we choose not to drink. That’s on them, not on me…. Remember, it’s not how much or how often you drink, it’s who you become when you drink….

      Yes, I’m glad I don’t drink. I don’t need alcohol to solve my problems, make me happy, make me sad, make me feel good about myself or others, or to feel like I fit in, I had that ability all along, it was inside me…..I just needed to find it again…
      Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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