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    1. #1
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      JackieClaire's Avatar

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      October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Morning .............fell asleep in front of the TV and I'm now wide awake (1:30 am here) so here we go for another month.

      It could be worse, I could be filing.
      AF since 7/7/2009

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      byebyebridgetjones's Avatar

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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      It's already a very productive month under here. Anything that stands still gets washed...
      If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?

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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      I finally found time to read back proper - like over last months thread.

      Molls, I don't think you realise how much you folk help me every single day, whether I post or not. Whether we chat about alcohol or not.
      Admittedly I am not a newby in the true sense of the word but I may as well be for all I'm drinking these days. But this place feels safe to me, and that is the best I can do or hope for at this stage until I get myself sorted out and back on track again.
      I will tell you exactly why I don't share too much here: Years ago someone on this site fell off the wagon unexpectedly (for themselves mainly, I'm sure) and I couldn't BELIEVE how much it affected me mentally. I felt as if I had invested the security of my own sobriety on the system we had created here. It was like a "'one in, all in" system. So when I came back with my tail between my legs this time I thought I'd keep details to a minimum. We all know how ugly it gets.
      Just rest assured that because I don't share as much, it doesn't mean that I'm not grateful and learning every day from you all. As a matter of fact, you people make more sense to me than most folk in my own 3D life.
      Anyway, my poor old 24 year old cat is dying right beside me as I type this. If she is still with me in the morning I have to do the right thing. Life is fucking, fucking hard.
      Thanks for being there people.
      If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?

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    5. #4
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      stirly-girly's Avatar

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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Good morning Army!!

      Wishing you all a productive, satisfying October!

      Bridge - sorry to hear about your kitty! 24 years is a long time to have a pet/fur baby. We had to have our dear Freddie doggie put down over 3 years ago and I still miss him so if I say that I understand how you feel, I do. The only thing I can say is be grateful for the many years kitty was by your side.

      Jackie - your dinner sounds super delish! I adore Yorkshire pudding but where in Greece would you ever find it? Plus, it needs to have proper gravy and a perfectly cooked roast of beef to go with it IMHO and those are not to be found either. Oh well - I may have to overcome my claustrophobia enough to get on a plane to Newcastle and you can show me where the best is to be found! BTW, my parents gave me a ring that was a gold band with three opals in it for my 21st birthday - it was my choice of stones!

      Sweetie - so glad you enjoyed your outing with your friends. People you've known for yonks are the best - they understand you, and take you as you are so you can be 100% yourself. And of course, there is always varied conversation and a zillion laughs. And good for you on not drinking. I know it can be very tempting but in the end, you feel so good about yourself when you don't give in. Well done!! (Any my special friend isn't going anywhere soon - we have too much fun together for him to look elsewhere!)

      Mary - hope your run went well and you didn't do more damage to your foot.

      Mrs. A - please check in and let us know how Mr. A and of course yourself, are doing. Hugs to you!!

      RC - I guess I missed the part about your eating situation. Best of luck on dealing with that. I know that things like that can be difficult so good for you on facing the issue and trying to deal with it. And your day sounds lovely.

      Rusty - hope you enjoyed your Sunday and your friends' visit without tiring yourself out too much being hostess and all.

      Starty - glad to hear your boss is leaving. Hopefully the replacement person will be someone you can work well with and most of all, communicate with.

      Satzy - hope that young Satz is still doing well. Thinking of you. It's so hard when our kids have issues, no matter what they are. Wishing you continued strength and patience. Don't know what else to say.

      I guess Molly needs to check in and let us know all is well!

      Bridge - I know what you mean by how much the others on this site can affect us. I too remember times when a member who had a lot of sober time and seemed so strong in their sobriety, fell off the wagon and it was like - What? -HE/SHE started to drink again? Thinking back, I'm sure it made all of us feel a little more vulnerable as far as our battle with AL goes. I think what we need to do in seeing/hearing such incidents is to just be more determined to continue as we are and more vigilant as far as triggers and temptations go. You will find your way again. Dealing with son/brother, parents getting older and drastic changes in life are never easy. But you know how to do it and when the time is right, you will!! Hope your holiday time is restful and satisfying.

      Well, enough of my rambling - must be off to my inbox to answer e-mail and sell some products!

      Wishing you all the best day it can be!!
      For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
      AF since 10/10/2015

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    7. #5
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Quote Originally Posted by stirly-girly View Post
      Bridge - I know what you mean by how much the others on this site can affect us. I too remember times when a member who had a lot of sober time and seemed so strong in their sobriety, fell off the wagon and it was like - What? -HE/SHE started to drink again? Thinking back, I'm sure it made all of us feel a little more vulnerable as far as our battle with AL goes. I think what we need to do in seeing/hearing such incidents is to just be more determined to continue as we are and more vigilant as far as triggers and temptations go. You will find your way again. Dealing with son/brother, parents getting older and drastic changes in life are never easy. But you know how to do it and when the time is right, you will!! Hope your holiday time is restful and satisfying.
      Maybe this whole thing is a lesson in standing firmly on our own feet, knowing who we are, looking life right in the face - or as Satzy would say, not being a gutless wonder and using alcohol to hide from life.
      If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?

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    9. #6
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Quote Originally Posted by byebyebridgetjones View Post
      Maybe this whole thing is a lesson in standing firmly on our own feet, knowing who we are, looking life right in the face - or as Satzy would say, not being a gutless wonder and using alcohol to hide from life.
      The thing for us alkies is that our "go-to" for avoiding our problems is AL. That coupled with the "F-it" factor is, I believe, our biggest problem. IMVHO, it's not a fact of being gutless (sorry Satzy) but more a fact of not knowing that we are strong enough to face our problem and stand up to it. Knowing who we are, believing in ourselves, realizing that we ARE strong enough to conquer the demon, as they say. We all have it in us to do things that we don't even realize we could do, but we won't know until we test ourselves, until we face up to a situation or a challenge to see if we can overcome it. We use AL to blur the edges of our pain, to avoid facing the problems in our life, and every day we say, today/tonight, I'm not going to drink, then we say F-it - just today and I'll stop tomorrow. The problems don't go away, the pain doesn't get less and all we're doing is compounding our troubles by continuing to try to "drown" them in AL. Troubles will always be there, situations or people that are unpleasant but have to be dealt with. Few things simply go away or right themselves while we are hiding in the bottle! But we can stand firmly on our own feet, as you say, and face up to our problem with AL first and foremost. And if it hadn't been one of the main things troubling us in our lives, we never would have found MWO. I know I'm not saying anything new - I just reiterating what we already know to emphasize once again that the strength is within us. We just have to want our sobriety more than anything. We have to want to get out from under the cloud of AL and find our true selves. And yes, face life, no matter what it throws us. And most important - love ourselves and appreciate ourselves for the unique and special person we are. It all starts with us....
      For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
      AF since 10/10/2015

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    11. #7
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Quote Originally Posted by byebyebridgetjones View Post
      Maybe this whole thing is a lesson in standing firmly on our own feet, knowing who we are, looking life right in the face - or as Satzy would say, not being a gutless wonder and using alcohol to hide from life.
      I never said gutless Bridge . You are far from it. To come on here and admit to falling off the proverbial wagon - takes HUGE guts
      And I for one am delighted to have you here ..............

      PS
      Really sorry about your little friend there
      Last edited by satz123; October 1st, 2018 at 05:22 PM. Reason: crap spelling
      Benji ....
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    13. #8
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Quote Originally Posted by stirly-girly View Post
      And most important - love ourselves and appreciate ourselves for the unique and special person we are. It all starts with us....
      Yup. Starts and ends with us Stirls .
      We ARE the centre of our universe - the world DOES revolve around us. Everything we do ( anyone does ) is to make us feel better - whether it's us changing habits ( good & bad) or trying to change someone else to make US feel better.
      When we can't change things to suit us - we drink ( add addiction) to feel better.
      Think about it.
      Benji ....
      Doing it my way

      .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

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    15. #9
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Quote Originally Posted by satz123 View Post
      Yup. Starts and ends with us Stirls .
      We ARE the centre of our universe - the world DOES revolve around us. Everything we do ( anyone does ) is to make us feel better - whether it's us changing habits ( good & bad) or trying to change someone else to make US feel better.
      When we can't change things to suit us - we drink ( add addiction) to feel better.
      Think about it.
      Ah Sazty, you have said what I say over and over again. Very few people understand it tho'. Essentially, every single thing we do, everything - except for our heart beating - is controlled by us and is something we do for ourselves. Even breathing. (You can actually hold your breath til you stop breathing if you want to. ) We eat to nourish ourselves and/or to not feel hungry. We nourish and care for others to make ourselves feel worthy. We help others to make ourselves feel better. We work to get money to buy things we want or think we need and we buy things for others with that money to bring them happiness, yes, but in reality it is to feel better about ourselves, to lift ourselves up. Every single thing we do, we do it for us first and for others second. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is the nature of the beast, as they say. To me, there is no such thing as an unselfish person - there are just people who do more for others to make themselves feel better more often. And I'm not saying that out of meanness, but that's just the way I see it. That is why, to stay sober, we need to put ourselves first and foremost and put our sobriety ahead of everything else. Otherwise, we will allow ourselves to be doing things we might not necessarily want to do to please/placate others and not for our own well-being which will bring on unhappiness and frustration and find us turning to the bottle again. It's not being selfish, it's just IMVHO, the only way it can be done.
      For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
      AF since 10/10/2015

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    17. #10
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      Re: October Army Manoeuvres 2018

      Morning lovelies,
      Didn't sleep in had a few chores to do and still another hundred.

      @byebyebridgetjones........Losing a constant presence whether its human or animal is fecking hard. We kept Sir Dylan the Dog's ........fecking biggest Labrador you've ever seen but was frightened of the hamsters. We kept his blankets down for months...........tbh it was only when they came to service the heating that we moved them to the garage.

      @stirly-girly.........as far as I'm aware there's a sad background to Yorkshire puddings..........because they were cheap and filling during hard times (especially up North) they were used to eke out the little meat or no meat that families had. I know when we went to my Grandma's you always had a Yorkshire pudding as what they would call a starter these days and off course too full for the main.......a miner's daughter, wife then widow. Every halfpenny counted.

      My sobriety...........two things..........I enjoy it...........secondly I could not bear to see the sadness in Mr. JC's or my kid's eyes again. It would break their hearts.
      It could be worse, I could be filing.
      AF since 7/7/2009

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