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    1. #1
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      Need help, about to drink

      It has been a few months since I posted here but I remember all the helpful and kind members on this website. Anyway since I last posted I had a few relapses, but I'm currently sober for almost 5 months. I go to 2-3 AA meetings a week, have an AA sponsor, working on the 12 Steps with her. I also try to do other positive things like exercise and church. Anyway I want to drink so bad, and I don't know why.

      I discussed my urges to drink with my AA sponsor, and she suggested prayer. I don't even like praying, outside of church. Now I want to drink even more. The urges to drink are killing me, and I'm at my breaking point. I feel like I got sober so that I could stay employed and make money, and also because I was tired of my drinking hurting my family. I started a new job a couple of months ago, it was great for a while, but now I'm not really happy with the job and I'm starting to dislike my coworkers. My family seems to take my sobriety for granted now and they don't know how bad I want to drink. At the same time I'm scared of drinking because I'm afraid this might be the time I don't make it back to sobriety. I asked my Doctor to prescribe me Antabuse but she refused because she said if I drink on it, it may be fatal and she doesn't think it's safe. I'm seriously considering ordering Antabuse online though. Anyway, any advice is welcome.

    2. Thanks Pavati thanked for this post
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    3. #2
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      abcowboy's Avatar

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      Hi ssg, your name is too long for me to type so I abbreviated it lol. Good to see you posting in a time of struggle. You really don't want to give up all you've gained, I know you don't! Might I suggest looking up and reading about PAWS? I think it was around the 5-6 month area where I struggled a bit as well, wondering if it was all worth it. But, I did pray, and stuck to my quit knowing that the feeling will pass. And this feeling will pass for you as well!

      Try practicing some gratitude, thinking about the good things sobriety has done for you. I know you have some, you're just not thinking about them right now. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and you'll get through this!
      Quitting and staying quit isnít easy, itís learning a whole new way of thinking. Itís accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
      Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
      Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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    5. #3
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      is Changing my thinking cuz the
      same old thinking leads to the
      same old drinking
       
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      paulywogg's Avatar

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      I agree with Cowboy on the PAWS,it passes in a day or two,I see it as a rapid rewiring and healing of the brain,it causes huge discomfort but reading up on it helps,you do not want to lose all your wonderful progress only to hafta start allover again, huge ((hugs)) Southshoregirl, check in often hon
      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink

      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me"

      Off the table no MATTER what.

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    7. #4
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      is taking it a step at a time
       
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      NoraC's Avatar

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      How are you doing?
      "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
      ..........
      AF - 7-27-15

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    9. #5
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      madonmehndi's Avatar

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      Hi, just read your post, I have started reading up on PAWS as Cowboy suggests and it is really helpful, I didn't realise it can take so long for our bodies and minds to re-adjust and to heal from drinking, hope you are ok and got through your urge to drink, stay here, it is a lovely safe place with lots of helpful like minded people
      One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering...

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    11. #6
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      available's Avatar

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      Hi South and a huge congrats on your sober days.

      Obviously you dont want to drink and came on here which is fantastic. You need to do what you feel is right for you to not drink. We do reach a stage where we think "is this it" and yes it is and being sober is so good. Maybe write down the positives and negatives of drinking and not drinking, what you would lose if you drank.

      I always think to myself that i drank for ten years and if it takes me 10 years to recover then so be it. I also found my emotions did not really stabilise until the second year and i was very angry and happy and sad and anything else thrown in to screw me around. Its learning to accept how we feel and work on these feelings or put them away for another day. I still have a box inside my head of things i dont want to deal with yet and thats fine, i will pull those emotions out when i am ready to deal with them.

      My children also take my sobriety for granted so i make a point of telling them that sometimes i do want a drink and sometimes like xmas or special occasions i do feel deprived and i will never ever be cured. They try to understand but unless you are an alcoholic you just dont "get it" but they will always be my support network.

      Being sober is a lifelong journey for us, dont let anything take your sobriety off you. You deserve this life that you have now.
      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2018 - 5 years of living life as i should have done all of my life

      Ava is a SHPFFFDU ! (Special, honest, practical, fantastic friend from downunder) - thank you NS

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    13. #7
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      Thanks, I heard of PAWS and I definitely think I have it. I feel better after sleeping on it, I definitely want to make it my goal to at least get 6 months sober. There is a lot I gained by being sober, I especially notice feeling a lot better physically and saving up money.

    14. #8
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      Pavati's Avatar

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      Glad you made it through, SSG!

      Great idea coming here. If you're sponsor in AA isn't going to help (or will offer things that aren't helpful) can you get another sponsor? One who will offer suggestions that will resonate with you?

      The real pain in the neck for me was realizing that quitting drinking didn't bring a perfect life filled with glitter and fairy dust. The pain, boredom, stress and anxiety that life produces is still there. Life goes on. What is DID do, however, is allow me to get through all of that crap much easier and more productively. Among other benefits, quitting drinking allowed me to gain confidence at work to actually take a path I had been thinking about but didn't have the guts to execute. It has been extremely hard, but also extremely rewarding. Maybe you can spend your craving time contemplating what your next job might be, or how to make this job all it CAN be? Point is - you will still encounter hardships - you just will be able to get through them more easily.

      Hope you're feeling better.
      Pav

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    16. #9
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      A few days have passed and honestly I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I finally tried exactly what my AA sponsor suggested (prayer) and I don't feel like it made any difference. No offense to anyone who feels prayer worked for them, I really wanted it to work but I just feel it didn't work for me. Anyway my current goal is to make it to 6 months sober, even if I have to white knuckle it. Anyway if I still feel like this at 6 months sober then I am definitely drinking. For now I decided to try drinking NA (non alcoholic) beer and wine. I know a lot of people think this is a bad idea but so far it does seem to help me. Anyway it is obviously better than drinking regular beer/wine. My main motivation for staying sober right now is that my mother is getting older and is getting ready to retire. I don't want to give her any extra stress by drinking. So if I have to drink NA beer/wine then so be it. If it keeps me from drinking real alcohol then it works. I have to focus on staying physically/mentally healthy and be there for my family.

    17. #10
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      If non alcoholic wine and beer does the trick then use it. Stand on your head, curse out loud, whatever works.
      No disrespect here either but I assumed that for prayer to help that the person actually doing that has to believe in that and have conviction. Otherwise it's a ritual without substance. You have to believe in yourself to get through this but it won't happen overnight . more so be practical and distract yourself, try new habits, talk to people. Don't think about what you will do in 6 months but try to change the quality of your life in small ways and you may be pleasantly surprised. I was. But it takes time to learn to live sober and accept that this. It can become your normal and it doesn't have to be white knuckling.
      Alternatively if the white knuckling persists you might want to explore medication to help break the association of pleasure and AL - such as naltrexone. Just a thought.

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