Yup I am a guilty one for keeping disappearing. I have thought long and hard why that is and cannot yet come up with a decent answer. I do miss the old days when MWO was busy and exciting as everyone does. I even miss the awful bits as they got the adrenaline going. But cannot tell you why sometimes I feel like posting and reading and sometimes I just dont. I do get it though if one is a regular poster and then goes missing, it is worrying and not very fair. So I do apologise for that.

My world has been rocked over the last few weeks as I found Mr S has been drinking loads and hiding bottles of vodka. Over the last year or so I have found 3 bottles but it was always followed by a reason and promises that it wouldnt happen again. How I believed it knowing what I know I have no idea. Denial perhaps. I had been worrying a bit about his behaviour as he was constantly falling asleep and seemed disinterested in life and I sometimes thought I heard a bottle being opened but as I couldnt find anything I put it down the to squeakings of the reclining sofa! Mad I know. Anyway just before hospital appt for polyp removals I found another bottle and confronted him. Usual tears and promises until the day before op and it happened again. I was done. I am not going through what I went through as a child living with an alcoholic and was in a terrible state trying to think of my options. Again promises and apologies but I had had it. I know that an addict has to want to do it for themselves and I know full well that what anyone else says doesnt matter if it doesnt come from within so I realised it was not my battle to fight anymore. Just withdrew and focussed on what I could do and my options. So where are we now? He is sober for the last 2 weeks. Is much more engaged with life. I think that the cancer scare and the state of his bowels has literally scared him shitless and he knows he has to change his whole life and so far seems determined to do that. (he has had the all clear last week thank god but needs monitoring each year) We are talking much more about addiction too and the sober life. I realise that its not me who will keep him sober but something only he can do. He is even going to tell his parents about it although will give an abridged version as doesnt want to worry them too much. Lets see what the future holds