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  1. #1
    Registered User. DriftyAlison0's Avatar

    Join Date;
    5th June, 2009.
    Location;
    Iowa USA.
    Posts;
    2,361.

    I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    I messed up big time and blew my quit. Now I am back at day 1. Should have stayed here. I am so tired of feeling like I am done drinking and 2-3 days later I change and I plan for the next time. I am tired of not sleeping well due to the al (even though I did it 1 time every other weekend) and I am tired of the regrets. I am pledging now to remain sober and gain back the lost time. I was so ashamed that I did not want to admit here that I have failed yet again for a long while but those days are gone. I can not stop at just 1. I got to remind myself when I want to drink on why I do not drink anymore and to go here.

    I will miss the karaoke nights but until I feel that I can go out and not drink at all, not going to chance it.

    If I did it once, I can do it again. ODAAT and no more Alcohol for me. I am sorry that I have let everyone down.

    A part of me wants to wait to post this tomorrow. I always feel like I do not want to drink anymore the day after but I know the AL will sneak back up and if I do not work on it now and change my mindset then I will be drunk again in 2 weeks time and I repeat the cycle.
    I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

    Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

    Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.
    Posts;
    21,900.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Welcome back Alison, this is where you need to be as you well know!
    I’m sorry you drank again but you can make this new quit forever - if you choose to do so. Of course you’re tired of flip flopping back & forth. It’s something we all have done to some extent so you’re notthe only one.
    Make yourself a good plan, drop in the Newbies nest for a while until you get your bearings.
    You owe yourself a good life, you can do this!!!!

    Best wishes on your sober journey!

    Lav
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time

  3. #3
    Forum Subscriber. abcowboy's Avatar

    Join Date;
    1st September, 2014.
    Location;
    N.E. Alberta.
    Posts;
    6,079.
    You can do this Alison, I know you can! It's going to mean giving up some things you like to do, but your sobriety has to be more important than anything else in your life right now!
    Quitting and staying quit isnít easy, itís learning a whole new way of thinking. Itís accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
    Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
    Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

  4. #4
    Registered User. Pavati's Avatar

    Join Date;
    3rd November, 2013.
    Posts;
    4,455.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Welcome back, Alison!

    No regrets or thoughts of disappointing others. You are where you are - move forward from here.

    My last weekend drinking was TERRIBLE. I never, never want to go back there again. If I even consider drinking I can conjure that feeling any time and it is a good deterrent. I also keep a list of all that I have gained from not drinking. It is a LONG list.

    Take care of yourself and I'm glad you're back!

    Pav

  5. #5
    Registered User. DriftyAlison0's Avatar

    Join Date;
    5th June, 2009.
    Location;
    Iowa USA.
    Posts;
    2,361.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Thanks everyone. I was so afraid of the responses. I dunno why. I feel so relieved now and I can now heal and move on. AL will never control me again.

    I know that the next few weekends are going to be tough. I am so used to going out every other weekend. Some may think that my drinking was not that bad, but to me when I was not drinking I would look up beer pics and would get so excited for it. Just to drink and spend the next day swearing it off just to have it happen all over the next weekend where I start to get excited all over again. I will avoid going out until I am dead sure that I can go without drinking and if I do not feel safe about it, then I will stay at home.
    I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

    Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

    Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

  6. #6
    Registered User. Guitarista's Avatar

    Join Date;
    12th October, 2008.
    Location;
    Oceania.
    Posts;
    20,838.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Good to see u Drifty!

    Go for it mi amiga.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

  7. #7
    Registered User. available's Avatar

    Join Date;
    1st November, 2011.
    Posts;
    5,173.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Welcome back Alison, I remember those days of swearing to never drink again and then hitting the repeat button the next day around 5.15pm. You can do this, keep checking in and being accountable, we have your back.
    AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2019 - 6 years of living the way i should have always done

    Ava is a SHPFFFDU ! (Special, honest, practical, fantastic friend from downunder) - thank you NS

  8. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Byrdlady's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th February, 2010.
    Location;
    NC.
    Posts;
    9,921.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    You are among friends here and people who understand the pull of addiction. One day at a time, indeed. You got this. Byrdie
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

  9. #9
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    31st October, 2014.
    Posts;
    111.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    Quote Originally Posted by DriftyAlison0 View Post
    I messed up big time and blew my quit. Now I am back at day 1. Should have stayed here. I am so tired of feeling like I am done drinking and 2-3 days later I change and I plan for the next time. I am tired of not sleeping well due to the al (even though I did it 1 time every other weekend) and I am tired of the regrets. I am pledging now to remain sober and gain back the lost time. I was so ashamed that I did not want to admit here that I have failed yet again for a long while but those days are gone. I can not stop at just 1. I got to remind myself when I want to drink on why I do not drink anymore and to go here.

    I will miss the karaoke nights but until I feel that I can go out and not drink at all, not going to chance it.

    If I did it once, I can do it again. ODAAT and no more Alcohol for me. I am sorry that I have let everyone down.

    A part of me wants to wait to post this tomorrow. I always feel like I do not want to drink anymore the day after but I know the AL will sneak back up and if I do not work on it now and change my mindset then I will be drunk again in 2 weeks time and I repeat the cycle.

    Sorry to hear that. how many days did had you quit for before this drink?

  10. #10
    Registered User. DriftyAlison0's Avatar

    Join Date;
    5th June, 2009.
    Location;
    Iowa USA.
    Posts;
    2,361.

    Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

    When I blew this quit I think that I had 5-7 months. It was awhile ago so I can't remember the full date. I was so disappointed in myself that it took 2 years to get sick of drinking and disappointing my family and doing stupid stuff drunk to get my stuff in order. Never again.

    I am doing this for me and my family but mainly for me. I miss the 7 years where I loved to be sober. I want to be sober. Being drunk leads to being sick the next day and I am done making an ass out of myself.
    Last edited by DriftyAlison0; March 11th, 2020 at 06:13 AM.
    I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

    Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

    Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

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