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  1. #451
    Registered User. satz123's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Laters
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

  2. #452
    Registered User. fickle's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    I like the french girl idea but still very strict about what goes in my mouth. Years ago when I lived in Sydney I pretended I was a tourist a lot.. especially on the way home from work or on weekends. I lived in a place with a lot of tourists so I just fantasised I was one of them and tried to look at things through their eyes as if I was only here for a moment then on to somewhere else. It made me feel lighter or sort of special somehow, like I had choices and wasnít stuck in my life. I'd stroll around the neighbourhood, buy flowers, poke around in all the little shops. I don't know, it was just a mindset and I enjoyed it.

    Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour Ė recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, donít give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.
    Fickle
    'the benevolent person is invincible'
    Mengzi

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  4. #453
    Forum Subscriber. mollyka's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Morning..as regards the weight thing..I was never overweight cept for about 3 years at the end of my drinking...but ..my mum was petite but it was constant chatter about weight..and how so and so is lovely and slim etc...it went on forever leaving all 3 girls with obsessions and eating disorders...it's taken me till now to eat when I'm hungry ..anything....and if (like now in lockdown ) a few inches appear..I don't eat when I'm not very hungry..very much 'is it a need or a want?'
    I think it's really sad to have spent so much of my life with a bad body image...I never EVER remark on my kids looks or weight...very sad
    Last edited by mollyka; May 28th, 2020 at 06:46 AM.
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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  6. #454
    Registered User. NoSugar's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by IamMary View Post
    Its all about changing our mindsets. We all did it when we gave the booze the middle finger, so this is the next step.
    It is a change of mindset that happens once we realize that we are feeling the way we are and doing what we do (like drink too much) because of what we are thinking. Whatever it is, we don't have to think THAT. We can think whatever we want, experience the associated feelings, and take the resulting actions. When the thought crosses my mind that I need a drink, I now notice it and just let it go. I used to react like that thought was an imperative.

    The other night I was making up a big story in my head about how my friends were disappointed in me and that the honoree probably thought I didn't really care about her. I interpreted everything they wrote in text messages as attempts to pressure and manipulate me. After a couple of hours of this, I finally was able to step back from my thinking and it occurred to me that they might actually be glad I wasn't there because it seems to put a damper on the (ridiculous) celebration of wine and drinking fun to have a tee-totaler at the party. That might not be true, either, but since I don't know what they are really thinking and I was probably reading a lot into their text messages, it was pretty ridiculous for me to be letting my made up thoughts about them make me miserable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guitarista View Post
    began with an acknowledgement and understanding that some of my core beliefs are incorrect, inaccurate, no evidence to support, but unfortunately are deeply ingrained. I look at such core belief/s and acknowledge them, but do not accept them. I know what they are and work around them, leaving them alone, acknowledging but not allowing them much of my time. Because those thoughts are incorrect and make me feel bad. No time for that stuff.
    Those core beliefs seem so real. It is hard to see that most of them were given us to by parents, teachers, or ourselves at a very young age and that they came to define us without our being aware of it. I see this very clearly in may family in which there are people completely dedicated to 2 very distinct religions. Their beliefs and rituals couldn't be more at odds and both groups are convinced that they are right, which of course makes the other group wrong. They can't imagine that they simply have made up different stories in an attempt to explain the world and their place in it and decided that they are true.

    Quote Originally Posted by fickle View Post
    Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour Ė recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, donít give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.
    That is pretty much the 3 principles in a nutshell!


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  8. #455
    Registered User. satz123's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyka View Post
    .I don't eat when I'm not very hungry..very much 'is it a need or a want?'
    ..I never EVER remark on my kids looks or weight...very sad
    Same here Molls - NEVER. Had to gag my mother a few times over the years from commenting on DD and others - I was adamant my wouldn't end up fighting with their bodies all their lives.
    I like this though 'is it a need or a want' ?
    I shall use that.
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

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  10. #456
    Registered User. satz123's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by fickle View Post
    Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour Ė recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, donít give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.
    And me @fickle - it's trying to implement it in every day settings.
    I Russell Brand - always have - from when he was bold brat on the telly to now he's sober & talking sense in a sensible way.. I could listen to him all night.
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

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  12. #457
    Forum Subscriber. IamMary's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Just LOST MY POST


    Back tomorrow x
    AF - July 19th 2015

  13. #458
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Very late or early morning lurk,
    Can't sleep even with the sominex..........probably because Mr JC and I had just an argument but a vile screaming match. I don't know what tomorrow (ot later today ) will bring. But it brought out many flaws in our marriage.
    I could blame the virus but that's not the cause. This has been going on for a while.

    As for the weight thing............ I lost a lot of weight two years ago, Molls & Satz wouldn't recognise me..........I get bombarded by comments from near strangers like 'aren't you thin'.........or a good one 'you're looking haggard'........@you should eat more'........I wouldn't in a million years say to someone.............'your're fat'...............'you should eat less'. to those same people.

    @IamMary............Mers, I've been having problems like that. I've copied them before I post so I can just paste them if the site times out.

    I love Russel Bland. I founf his first book very open and honest..............his second I've started but find it hard going.
    Last edited by JackieClaire; May 28th, 2020 at 07:53 PM.
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

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  15. #459
    Registered User. rustop59's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Good morning everyone. I’ve had the same problem recently, lost a few posts. Hope you managed to get some sleep JC. Maybe a good argument will have cleared the air? No marriage is without flaws and lock down has not helped.

    I was really skinny when I was young but have battled with my weight the last 20 years. Mainly caused by my sweet tooth and I guess alcohol originally played a part. Really trying to eat healthy during this pandemic. Thank God for the good weather, at least can bbq and have salads. Yesterday was beautiful and think the weekend is promised good.

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  17. #460
    Registered User. satz123's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by JackieClaire View Post
    Very late or early morning lurk,
    Can't sleep even with the sominex..........probably because Mr JC and I had just an argument but a vile screaming match. I don't know what tomorrow (ot later today ) will bring. But it brought out many flaws in our marriage.
    I could blame the virus but that's not the cause. This has been going on for a while.

    As for the weight thing............ I lost a lot of weight two years ago, Molls & Satz wouldn't recognise me..........I get bombarded by comments from near strangers like 'aren't you thin'.........or a good one 'you're looking haggard'........@you should eat more'........I wouldn't in a million years say to someone.............'your're fat'...............'you should eat less'. to those same people.

    @IamMary............Mers, I've been having problems like that. I've copied them before I post so I can just paste them if the site times out.

    I love Russel Bland. I founf his first book very open and honest..............his second I've started but find it hard going.
    @JackieClaire
    WHY the feck says that to someone - seriously - Gobshites !!!
    I saw the wedding Photo & you looked gorgeous.....
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

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