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  1. #1
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    International Army Mayl 2020

    Do you think this is enough white rabbits to get us through the month...........oh and pinch punch and all that jazz.

    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    And I've just created the month of Mayl instead of May............
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

  3. #3
    Registered User. stirly-girly's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by JackieClaire View Post
    And I've just created the month of Mayl instead of May............
    Maybe the title will encourage more gents to join the Army!!!

    Happy May to all!! Is it a holiday there? It is here - the equivalent to Labour Day in Canada and the US. Gorgeous day. I just heard that my special friend's sisters are having a dip in pool. A little cold for me but there is a lovely bright sun if that helps. Personally will wait til June to dip my toes in. Not a lover of cold anything TBH...
    For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
    AF since 10/10/2015

  4. #4
    Registered User. stirly-girly's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by outofchances View Post
    Not a great evening here to be honest. I kept myself busy all day with cleaning, shopping and cooking. Even then I started getting a really strong urge. I had to stop and think about it. It wasn't really an urge . I just started feeling incredibly sad. I felt lonely, disappointed in myself. Things started to feel hopeless - I thought to myself that any hope I'd built up was just me lieing to myself. I really don't know if I;m being honest with myself. It would be incredibly easy to just walk away from everything right now. I think sometimes, quite a lot recently actually, that my family are probably better off without me. That me wanting them back is just me suiting myself. Its not going to do them any good.

    The sadness grew and created a big empty hole inside me. This is the emptiness that I've tried to fill with drink down the years. That's what the urges are. My response to feeling bad and not being comfortable with that feeling.

    Next usually comes anger and cynicism. I hate everyone and everyone hates, so f--- em all. So I plan my escape from my own self inflicted emotional and mental hell.

    I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I don't want to be like this. I can accept that I have a problem with alcohol. I can accept that I have mental health issues. I just can't accept the behaviour that goes with that. I can't believe I turned into that person. That's not who I want to be. That goes against everything I thought I stood for. I can't undo whats been done, but I'm not sure if I can learn to live with it either.
    I brought this over cause I don't want it to get lost on the other thread.

    Chances - first of all, let me just say once again how I admire your conviction even when tested. It has been said many times here that for some reason, right around the 3-week mark of our new sobriety, the cravings/urges can hit quite strongly. And that is under usual circumstances. You are in, I dare say, UNusual circumstances due to the fact that there have been so many changes recently in your life. So these things are to be expected. And don't forget HALT - the things that can bring on cravings - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. So feed yourself regularly - don't wait to get hungry. If you can, sleep when you need to - doesn't matter what time it is. Hopefully the loneliness and anger will slowly subside as time goes by and you work through things. Perhaps now is the time to seek the support that is available to you for these issues. As for the mental health issues - if you have a councilor or doctor, maybe you need to talk to them if you aren't already continuing to do so. One thing I do know is that we can't kick ourselves for the things that we have done in the past- especially for the things we did while using. When we stop drinking/using, we distance ourselves from that person we turned into and we find ourselves again. I know it sounds like a cliche but it's true. And something very important, IMVHO, but I know that others here will agree with me. We can ask for understanding and forgiveness from others for what we have done in the past while using, but we need to confront ourselves about it as well. We need to forgive ourselves and learn to love that new us who is emerging from the life of addiction. Just the fact that we are strong enough to admit that we have a problem, and strong enough to stop drinking/using are two VERY big steps and you should be proud that you have made such great progress so soon. Will it be tough at times? Yes. But so very worth it. You will learn to love yourself again and you will gain back the love and respect of your family. I hope you are feeling better today. A new day, a new month. Endless possibilities.....

    For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
    AF since 10/10/2015

  5. #5
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    @stirly-girly...............I'll put it down to being a bit blurry-eyed. Didn't sleep well.

    The powers that be moved it the bank holiday (its what we call public holidays) until 8th may to celebrate the 75th VE Day.....................75 years since victory in Europe.


    Of course the special guest will be.............Captain Tom Moore raises nearly PS33m as NHS appeal closes - BBC News

    There's another one at the back end of May...............that's the Sprinf Bank holiday and a week half-term break for the kids.
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

  6. #6
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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    @stirly-girly; @JackieClaire - thanks as always for the support and advice. I suppose I've had a lot to keep my mind occupied for the last few weeks and yesterday evening was really the first time where I had nothing to do as such. I didn't sleep well - the same as yesterday. I was awake until 1am, slept until 6. I stayed in bed reading and passed out again at 9 until 11. Tomorrow I have to get up early for work - so I'l probably sleep it in!

    I do feel better today - more realistic I think. The 3 week thing makes a lot of sense. The "novelty" of being in recovery wears off and you are left with the reality of your situation. Another 6 days and I'll have a month under my belt. Luckily enough I have work to keep me occupied for a good chunk of that.

    It's the May Bank Holiday weekend, we are still in lockdown and I'm working all of it anyway. Probably the best for a recently sober person.

    I'm calling down to the mammy now for some TLC.

  7. #7
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    @outofchances............you're giving more than you think
    a)..........to remember why we're here
    b)..........to remember that as well as your own our sobriety is precious
    c).......... honesty...............you're so honest it's a joy to see.

    Rightio must go play hide and seek with a 15 and a half years old Labrador, we've just played find dog treats.........you wil visit me in the funny farm, won't you.
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

  8. #8
    Registered User. stirly-girly's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Was going back through the archives trying to find that thread that Mario and Chillgirl used to post on years and years ago - "Quote of the Day". Couldn't find it but I did get a little emotional seeing all the names of members that posted back then. Mario, Tiptronic, Cinders, Limers, Oney, Opal, LadyJan, expat, popeye, Bettyboop, - the list goes on and on. MWO was so different then.
    For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
    AF since 10/10/2015

  9. #9
    Registered User. one2many2's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by stirly-girly View Post
    Was going back through the archives trying to find that thread that Mario and Chillgirl used to post on years and years ago - "Quote of the Day". Couldn't find it but I did get a little emotional seeing all the names of members that posted back then. Mario, Tiptronic, Cinders, Limers, Oney, Opal, LadyJan, expat, popeye, Bettyboop, - the list goes on and on. MWO was so different then.

    Awhhh so glad to see me remembered there Stirly, of all days to log in to see how the old MWO crew were doing with the lockdown! Thank you
    “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.”


    ― Rumi

  10. #10
    Registered User. stirly-girly's Avatar

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    Re: International Army Mayl 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by one2many2 View Post
    Awhhh so glad to see me remembered there Stirly, of all days to log in to see how the old MWO crew were doing with the lockdown! Thank you
    Well, well, look who's here!! Really great to see you Oneybum!! Howz ya? How are those beautiful kids of yours? A must be a young man by now and A and M into their teens. Hope you are all well!!
    For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
    AF since 10/10/2015

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