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  1. #51
    Registered User. byebyebridgetjones's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by JackieClaire View Post
    Morning
    @satz123............that's no age and so sad. My deepest condolences to your friend.


    I know on death certificates that they are how shall I say 'kind' in cause of death on a death certificates but its bothered me for years that drug and alcohol abuse are not mentioned as a contributing factor. eg its a huge carcinogenic. When to family and friends its obvious.
    This is only my in vvho is hampering proper data and research and more importantly treatment.
    Wanna talk about an pandemic.............alcoholism.

    Absolutely perfect point. Like the number of GPs who still will not confront people about their alcohol use and start a dialogue about it.
    If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
    Rejoined life 20/5/19

  2. #52
    Registered User. mollyka's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by satz123 View Post
    The counselling we got both recommended distance yourself completely - in The Rutland and the quare place .No help or handouts until they ask for it.
    One lady was horrified - said "what if she ends in the gutter" ? He looked at her, shrugged and said "they need to ask for help"
    I understand what they are trying to achieve .... but some may never swallow their pride and ask for help....

    I kinda agree about enabling. Making life easy for them to drink. Like us with YS - he has his Nanny's House, the dole, Sky TV - grub from here when he's home, he has a charmed life apart from his addiction..
    Look -- I said to you from the beginning -- I couldn't imagine making the decision to literally put them out on the streets -- even back years ago when Joey was truly out of hand - he literally was lawless and completely frightening really --(not physically to us or anything - but big into drink and drugs -- day was night - that sort of thing) and Joe threatened him that the next incident he would put him out with his clothes in a black bag - I was horrified.. we have never made idle threats so I knew he sort of meant it (now whether it have done it we will thankfully never know!) - Joey backed down and that was the beginning of his rehabilitation!! BUT -- yeah - it is the way we are supposed to go.. now I would never ever have given an addict money - that's an absolute no-no -- and if they asked me to pay bills I would insist on the dole be given to me and I would pay the bills and give him what's left.. that sort of thing... but it's easier said than done - and that's not just a cliché

    Quote Originally Posted by byebyebridgetjones View Post
    Absolutely perfect point. Like the number of GPs who still will not confront people about their alcohol use and start a dialogue about it.
    All those years ago I asked my first GP to deal with my alcoholism to write it up on my file clearly - I didn't know at the time why I said that - but I know now - if I ever relapsed it would be there in black and white for any subsequent doc... thankfully never needed but when that doctor went elsewhere it was like losing my closest ally -- no doctor since has ever even asked me how I'm doing - well except one - he remarked 'well obviously things are going well!' and that was it
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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  4. #53
    Registered User. rustop59's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by byebyebridgetjones View Post
    Let this be a lesson to me.

    I'm going to take this as a sign that self care is not up to scratch and fix that immediately. We can't turn our backs on it.
    Afternoon all. You are right Bridget, we need to keep it to the forefront in these unsettled times. I am going to use my time away to unwind, get back to meditation etc. No WiFi in cottage, will miss checking in here but no harm taking a break from technology either. Very sad about that man Satz and also Joes friend,nsometimes people just don’t want to stop enough which is such a shame.

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  6. #54
    Registered User. mollyka's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    That was great self awareness re. The anti-ad's Bridge..and you too Rusters ..get out of rat race for a week..how good is that! What part of west roughly you going ? (Think we hit every part of South and West last week!!)
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
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  7. #55
    Forum Subscriber. satz123's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyka View Post
    What part of west roughly you going ? (Think we hit every part of South and West last week!!)
    MrS will meet at least 50 people he knows if we staycation - will have to travel Whest and tour the shaggin' relatives pubs & houses . No thanks !!
    Just listening to yer wan Katherine Thomas on radio she brought a camper van & did one of the Greenways & West Kerry.
    The Conor Pass in a campervan and a 2 year old doesn't bear thinking about.

    Jesus Molls you have the right idea with the bike Molls.
    Last edited by satz123; August 4th, 2020 at 11:11 AM.
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way


    Anything that has power over you can be used to teach you how to take your power back

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

  8. #56
    Registered User. mollyka's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    The bike is perfect for this year..automatic social distancing!
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

  9. #57
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Glad that it opened a conversation...............sorry I disappeared.............can'y put my finger on it but its been one of those bleugh days Not helped by the weather. We'll not be getting away this year.............there's only Mr JC, his boss and secretary in the office at the moment. The rest are just working from ome. They're just taking days here and there.


    Quote Originally Posted by mollyka View Post
    All those years ago I asked my first GP to deal with my alcoholism to write it up on my file clearly - I didn't know at the time why I said that - but I know now - if I ever relapsed it would be there in black and white for any subsequent doc... thankfully never needed but when that doctor went elsewhere it was like losing my closest ally -- no doctor since has ever even asked me how I'm doing - well except one - he remarked 'well obviously things are going well!' and that was it
    Its on my records too. The doctor I had for years went through two pregnancies with me, post natal depression, then full blown depression and was so kind when I was in the depths of alcoholism. Used to make as appointment with her just so we could catch up on how I was doing and she celebrated the birth of my children she celebrated my milestones of not drinking with me.......she used to drag me in to talk to the students to show them that alkies weren't auld blokes in a grubby mac tied round the waste with string......she retired and the practice has gone to pot. Once I get my appointment for my eyeball sorted we're changing to a practice nearer us.

    Nighty night lovelies.
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

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  11. #58
    Forum Subscriber. IamMary's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Night JC.. good point about the other pandemic.

    Quote Originally Posted by satz123 View Post
    Just listening to yer wan Katherine Thomas on radio she brought a camper van & did one of the Greenways & West Kerry.
    The Conor Pass in a campervan and a 2 year old doesn't bear thinking about.
    Eh, try camping on the side of a mountain with teens+tween+slugs and the wind almost succeeding to detach the tent from the ground
    The greenways are great, loved those trips (real beds with walls).

    Very sad about Joes friend Molly. That poor man is not living, at least he has his 2 pals. You have to desperately want sobriety.

    Massive branch fell down in our garden today. Would have killed someone if they were under it!! Mr M finally agreeing to a garden haircut.

    Night all. X
    AF - July 19th 2015

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  13. #59
    Registered User. mollyka's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Quote Originally Posted by IamMary View Post
    You have to desperately want sobriety.
    How very true that is Mary -- once that 1% of 'wondering' 'doubting' is there -- it's never EVER going to happen - not long term -- there's an 'out' in your brain.. it has to take over everything - it has to be your night and day for the first while - until it becomes automatic - until you SEE truly truly where your life is headed - and believe you me - it's never going to get better than it is today... we can all go the same way as Joe's pal -- all it took for him to go from being a fairly routine normal drinker (in fact in our group he was one of the more moderate ones!) was a family crisis and there was no going back... and now he has burnt all his bridges - in honesty - there's nothing to go back to...

    When I do my timeline - okay - I always drank 'too much' - but on occasions - when I did go out (not often cos I was poor then) we would all drink 6 drinks maybe... and home parties - more.. there were never any 'incidents' - no awful embarrassing things - no falls - nothing like that.. then when I was 44 (I know exactly cos it was the millenium) was the first time I ever drank on my own or out of time - I had the flu - a proper flu - only time in my life and we had a millenium party - I was so poxy ill I went to bed early even.. woke up the next day and I was faced by the worst mess in my house I had ever seen - stood in the kitchen about 11.30 to start cleaning and spotted a half opened bottle of wine -- and I drank a glass -- I felt so much better it was shocking.. I probably drank another - can't remember.

    It seemed to get worse from then - or maybe I was just aware of what I had done that day -- Sunday became the dream day - because Joe worked till 6pm and would come home for his dinner and always with wine - so I started opening a bottle when cooking -- 3pm - 4pm -- lovely - then -- and it's not an excuse but my mum was ill from 2005 - and my sisters and I fell out -- it sounds easy saying it that way but anyone who knows me - Jackie - Benjy in real life - know how horrendous that whole time was so I won't go into it - but drinking descended into ( still poxy functioning) very abnormal drinking - and things got rough at home and you can fill in the dots really - so that in 2008 mum died and I started trying to quit - 3 years of on/off drinking -- that's where the 6 months 3 months 4 months off came in - but it caused MORE trouble cos everytime I went back on it - the family started getting upset -- last straw -- 2011 -- and you know the rest of the story

    Dunno why I did that - think I was thinking of Liam's timeline -- and it can be a very short time - so - to anyone who still thinks to drink - ever -- (obviously people here - not normies -- or maybe normies - who knows?) -- don't wait for the disaster -- cos you won't cope WITH drinking... I learnt that lesson!

    Morning all!!
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

  14. #60
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Re: International Army August 2020

    Morning and waves to the world,

    Ahh Molls,

    You're timeline more or less coincides with mine.................. My mother was a nightmare and we just didn't get along (that's putting it mildly). Of course when my brother came along five years after me the sun shone out of his backside........and the worst thing is he still thinks it does. I love his wife, she must be a saint.

    My Dad died 1999 and he was always a shield between us.....once he was gone the gloves were off. When he died my mum made a lovely speech and thanked all those that had helped her over the past months..................everyone but me. I'd run around like a blue arsed fly organizing flowers, drinks, caterers etc. etc.., 44 years old and waiting for her to say just one nice thing about me.......... and it really hurt and the resentment became huge.
    Of course, she was a drunk as well and would ring at bizzarre times but I got to know her routine and sadly 'numb' myself with drink before the calls started which were some days 10am.
    Before I was what you'd call a 'binge' drinker theses days for one thing we didn't have the money.
    Then one day our rabbit died..............I had a chest infection, I was drunk and I rang AA. I'll never forget Carol, the woman that took me to my first meeting. I was half pissed then as well but I got a lot of info at the ciggie break about other treatments so that lead to on and off detoxes, an alcohol counsellor etc. Carol gave me a tiny angel to carry in my handbag and it went everywhere with me. I finally passed it to a lovely woman last year when I hit 10 years sober when she got her first year.
    Took me nine/ten years of stop starting.

    Right must go and look presentable........got a parcel arriving between 11:31 & 12:31 (they're so precise) ..............then the S&H arriving to pick it up. Its an annivesary pressie..........would you beiive its their first wedding annivesary on the 9th.
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

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