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    1. #1
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      Lost Soul's Avatar

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      female - need male perspective

      Hi all,
      Hope your doing well,

      I haven't been here in a while,
      have been al free 11 months have a 10 week baby

      Have been dealing with partner with a porn addiction, bear in mind im an alkie too so am not just throwing around the word 'addiction'. This all only came to light about 4 months ago (7 1/2 months pregnant)

      I couldn't take anymore and he moved out a week ago. I'm just not strong enough to deal with this and am so lost and sad.

    2. #2
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      female - need male perspective

      Do you have a question about porn or about what you should do?

    3. #3
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      female - need male perspective

      Lost Soul.
      I am female so cannot answer your "male perspective" question. But I think what you did was absolutely right, with a new baby in the house, and you trying to keep yourself AF. Congrats on the 11 months, btw! I have a 5 year old son and have been grappling, openly here on MWO, for some time. I know what it is like to have these struggles while being a new mom. Porn boyfriend is a whole 'nother story. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your child. Tell that to yourself every waking minute.

    4. #4
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      female - need male perspective

      Sorry for answering, but I thought this was a guy's forum asking for a male perspective. I guess I will stick to the alcohol forum.

    5. #5
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      female - need male perspective

      Thanks
      I don't really know what I want advice wise

      I'm not really wanting to debate the pros/cons of porn
      It could be gambling, alcohol or heroine, but for an addict - the outcome is the same...

      I know the behaiviours surrounding AL addiction, the maddness in your head, the compulsion - these behaviours are not well hidden and at stressful times are not well hidden are more obvious - as you turn to your 'drug of choice' for comfort and escapism.
      And my partner has them.
      I know in my heart he is not ready to accept he has a problem, and I guess my heart aches because of the relationship that has been sacrafised because of it.

      And although I know exactly where he is at the moment it doesn't make any difference.

    6. #6
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      female - need male perspective

      Hi Lost soul.

      Congratulations on your young one, AND, your sensational 11 months AF. Keep it going won't you!

      For some men and women, sex and/or pornography is a recognised addiction and problem. I know there are groups around, just like AA, called sex addicts anonomous or similar, so maybe start with your doctor, in getting info. Of course, your partner has to acknowledge any problem and want to do something about it. There are also groups around for partner's/families of addicts such as 'al-anon' for alcoholics. There may well be similar support groups for yourself nearby, or most likely on the internet. Google it and see.

      Best wishes on your journey.

      G-bloke.

    7. #7
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      female - need male perspective

      Lost Soul--I too congratulate you on becoming a Mom, your new life AND maintaining your sobriety throughout your trials with a PA. I've debated whether to post this and well, my decision is obvious. It could be a part of my "story" really. My drinking began escalating during/following this relationship. Funny I went from a "partner" who is a AP right into a PA. Still trying to figure out why I chose these people on a subconscious level. One thing is for sure, had I listened to my intuition and sought help sooner it would have been less painful in the end and I would not have lost so much of myself. There are forums out there for SO's of PA's. I'll warn you the prognosis is not good. I installed the program Convenant Eyes while I was still hopeful that dude would recover through counseling. I had some counseling sessions as well. Oh, he dropped the case and I believe he is still actively engaged in his addiction to this day.

    8. #8
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      female - need male perspective

      Many thanks The longer I stay AF the easier it is getting, although I will try to never lose sight of what it has cost me. I never want to forget because I never want to go back!

      Thankyou for that last post, it was really insightful. it is shocking to see what awful effects addiction can have on our lives,Hopefully these experiences will make us stronger.

    9. #9
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      female - need male perspective

      ...sorry...posted too soon!

      Dude seemed like a really manipulative person, you have been through hell and back with your experience with him,how are you doing with AL now?

      Can I ask if what happened has had an affect on you still, with trust?

    10. #10
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      female - need male perspective

      LS--alot of addicts learn to lie and PA is pretty addictive. Right up there with cocaine. I couldn't take the lies and his own self hate being projected on me. Unpredictable, moody, irresponsible blah blah

      Good for you not wanting to go "back there". 11 months is fantastic and a new baby to love.:h

      Trust is a good question. I've always pretty much trusted the universe but the universe has knocked me around a bit the last 10 years. I'm not under but I don't think look out world anymore either. Kinda sad this age thing sometimes.

      That didn't answer your question and I don't think I can atm. He'd have to be something special. A jenkie haha
      take care

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