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    1. #1
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      Orimus's Avatar

      Join Date;
      28th April, 2014.
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      NJ, USA.
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      The View From The Middle

      Been thinking a lot lately not just about my drinking which has been horrible this month but as to my direction. One of the main things that I've been focusing on rather than directly on NOT drinking has been on building a new lifestyle. That was working up until March and in fact whereas I was not AF my good days were one or two and my bad days I would go for the third. Then I was diagnosed with high BP and the drinking escalated for a bit before between the Dojang and the acupuncture I got it back under control.

      For some reason this month I've hit another bump in the road. I suspect it's because this month it's been nine years since I've been with my current GF although we have been non-exclusive for months now and I don't know when the last time I saw her was.

      But I did have two epiphanies during this month as well so all was no lost. The first is that somewhere along the way I started wanting instead of being. The second took me back to when I was still just lurking - that alcohol is simply a symptom of an underlying problem, an existential one. So now I've turned my attention back to reading up on the midlife crisis.

      There are two?? Oh the privileges of a longer lifespan! Apparently the first one which, if I'm right about myself and it seems to fit, hits around 35 to 40 and is centered around lifestyle. Am I living right? Have I been doing the right thing? (the right job, the right marriage etc . . . ) Still doing the research to get everything clear. The second is in our 50s or 60s which is the more existential one.

      Of course whereas this may lend itself to an understanding of why I am so non-committal with everything right now I'm still trying to work out how this affects giving up the drink. (won't call it a quit since I have't been able to make it past day three before I say f&$*# it)

    2. #2
      Registered User.
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      Orimus's Avatar

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      The View From The Middle

      Think what it means is that the triggers are internal rather than external. A constant companion whose resolution must be found in purpose. Figure at this point I've made the necessary changes based upon my assessment of what is, or rather has been, not quite right. Settling into the life I've now established seems to be where I'm stuck now. Still mourning the first half of life? Still working on my purpose as people do things for reasons and not just because? Maybe a little of both?

      It's a working theory anyway.

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