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  1. #1
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    At the suggestion of doggygirl I am moving this from the 4th page of another thread. I guess I sort of got off on a tangent. No offense to all of you Dyed-In-the-Wools out there. There is nothing wrong with Catholocism, just in the way the material was presented.

    ANYWAY...

    I was raised Catholic as well. I consider myself a 'Recovering-Catholic' and Catholicism a form of child abuse. When we weren't in church we were in Dad's tavern. We'd kneel on the hard wooden steps between our home above the bar that led to the bar and say the Rosary as punishment for our sins. I am the youngest of ten. It was like being born into hell and I realize that but apparently I can't get over it. I was certainly taught from an early age how to self-medicate. Somebody died - let's make a toast!!! Somebody got married, got Baptised, got Confirmed, had their First Confession/Communion, was happy, was sad, a Grandchild's birthday, Mom & Dad's anniversary, after Mid-night Mass on Christmas Eve, or how about when Lent was over, what did they call that, AH YES, Easter Sunday - for all these occasions - LET'S ALL GET HAMMERED!!! Didn't matter how young or old, who was driving, or the physical fights that broke out that ended the event - it was how we lived - as long as everyone went to Mass first. I could write a book and ramble on forever. Parents are long, long gone and none of we siblings speak to each other. We're not angry -just whipped. I'm 48 and my oldest sibling is 69. I suppose we will start burying each other soon and I don't having feelings one way or another about that prospect. I believe I have mourned the loss of these relationships long ago. Nobody cares about anybody. Family mean nothing. Emotion is a sign of weekness. When I tell people that none of my siblings has ever given my 5 minutes of respite in the last 23 years of caring for my disabled son, they nearly fall over. But according to my good Catholic upbringing, he was a scab on the family and a punishment from God for my sins. Apparently it was too difficult to look up the true genetic abnormality he was born with in a dictionary. I pity what they have missed out on not being a part of his life. I believe God sends us all opportunities to learn and elevate our souls. So far, I'm not catching on to this addiction lesson as quickly as I'd hoped. I believe it has led me to you good people and hopefully not to late to give my life some purpose. I keep picturing the day I have to look my children in the eye and tell them that 'Mommy is dying because she loved AL more than she loved you' and the truth is, I think I love and need love too much - I think that's what is killing me. I am trying to understand this. My mother acted like she hated me and of course I recently learned that she was giving me her own special elixor of AL laced 'nerve medicine' to sedate me as a child. Being a 48 YO woman and realizing the symptoms of the onset of Menopause myself and putting 2 & 2 together, I realize that I was 'Mom's Menopause Mistake' and she probably truly was miserable and didn't know what she was going through or why she was cursed with another child so late in life . Well - now she knows (God rest her soul) that she can chalk another one up to Catholicism and 'The Rythym Method' and not her innocent child.

    FYI - to my fellow Catholic who's sis lost her son - OMG - I am so very, very sorry. One of my sister's lost a son (who was my age) in 2000 and a daughter (a few years younger than me) 3 years later. I was devastated because I was much closer to them than I was to my sister. I still well up when I think of them. They both went quickly and are at much greater peace than I and I talk to them often. We used to love to drink together! Yes, I miss them sooo much, and they really liked my broken son. XOX

  2. #2
    Registered User. Accountable for Me's Avatar

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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    RockyRoad!

    WOW. I don't even know what to say. How sad. How sad that you have NO family that gives a damn. How sad you and your child are being 'punished' by your family for his disability. How can anyone say a child with any disability is a punishment for the parent's sin? I am beside myself with that one. Absolutely disgusting.

    Personally, if that is the way my family felt about either of my kids if they were disabled, they wouldn't even have a moment of my time - ever. Never, ever. I don't speak to my sister because of some of the things she has said and done to my kids. I will never forgive her. (I don't care what anyone has to say about it either. I am no longer angry, but she is a piece of shit as far as I am concerned.) She is my only sibling, and personally, since getting sober, I have really seen things for what they are. I can go on and on....... sorry. Bottom line is that I am terribly disappointed with my family.

    I hope you find some comfort here. This place has truly helped me get my life back. There are so many kind and caring souls here that can help you get your life back to.

    Many, many hugs to you. :l I am very sorry your siblings are completely ignorant.

  3. #3
    Registered User. Evie.Lou's Avatar

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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    Your family sould be ashamed of them selves !!!!!!!! How stupid can they be ???? Are they living in the middle ages when people did not understand abnormalities and blindly looked to the church for answers ??You sound very wise to me and they sound ignorant ????? I am struggling with family issues today myself and I am trying to take a deep look at myself and find out why it is that I am always jumping thru their hoops.You and your child are better off with out them in your life.I believe as you said,God gives us challanges so that we have opportunities to grow spiritually,it is not a punishment it is a gift.I can even see that in the long run Alcoholism can be a gift as well !!!!! I know that as I am able to stay sober I am a much stronger person than if I had not had to BEAT the BEAST......You can beat him as well,i know you can.....EVIE

  4. #4
    Registered User. hippie37's Avatar

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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    I think it was Mahatma Ghandi that said: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

    Anyway I don't want to get into religious debate or anything but I see fundamentalism being the primary cause for concern over religion. Your story sounds like this is what you have had to deal with over the years Rocky and I too was appalled and disgusted to hear of your's and your son's treatment by your immediate family.

    Welcome to My Way Out (Yes mine not your's!!!!). I believe with you moving this post you are already familiarizing yourself with the forum and I hope we'll bump into one another again soon. Have you set yourself any goals yet?

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx

  5. #5
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    Hi Rocky,
    I am glad you are here! Welcome.
    Lila

  6. #6
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    Hi Rocky,,,, glad you found mwo .....so sorry to hear this i cant believe i was reading this. they should be ashame of them selfs.
    I was raised as a catholic had to go to church every sunday, dad always put on his best suit and as soon as mass was finish straight down the pub and when he get home all hell broke out.
    sometimes i think the parents need to go to church to confess there sins they did everyday, and it still does not seem to work. I wonder what there local priest would think of alll this.
    you have come to a great place here where people care and give lots of support.

    sending you lots of love and:l

    Love
    Teardrop.x

  7. #7
    Registered User. Preciouspinot's Avatar

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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    Hi Rocky Road and welcome! Your story is certainly a complex one and it sounds like you have lots of issues to deal with. I am Catholic and certainly identify with drinking at every milestone throughout life. Every event at minimum has wine. What we didn't have was the massive guilt & punishment you suffered and I am sorry you had to go through that.

    I hope you post often as I am interested in your story and you write well. It sounds like your son is lucky to have you in his corner. Don't beat yourself up for not being the "perfect" mother...none of us are.

  8. #8
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    Rocky Road,

    Your story breaks my heart. My Catholic family takes care of each other, my children have that modeled for them everyday. They also watched my sister, their favorite aunt, drink herself to death. It took a year for my then 16-year-old daughter to ask about what was really going on with my sister, I didn't hold back I told her she was an alcoholic and gave my daughter my sisters entire story. She was extremely angry that she had not understood this before because she was certain that she would of been able too stop her.

    Recently, my teenage daughter asked how much gin and vodka we go through a week, she also has taken to collect my wine corks. I remember feeling worried and confused when my mother drank, I am certain I am doing the same to my beautiful children. There is my confession my catholic friend and the reason I am here.

    Peace,

    Shaking

  9. #9
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    How terrible...

    I am sorry you have had this experience! When I read what you wrote about family not offering respite help to you it made me think of how much this would mean to several folks I know. You could probably really educate folks about your experiences.
    I am sorry you were born into such disfunction RR.

  10. #10
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    Good Old Catholic Guilt

    I have nothing to say except thank you for sharing and welcome. I truly hope we can be some comfort to you.

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