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  1. #521
    Forum Subscriber. Byrdlady's Avatar

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    Reposted with permission by NotHappyHourHappyLife, dated 4/1/14 in the thread, "Following in my Father's footsteps".

    I first found this web site a couple of years ago, stayed for about 4 months- found myself "addicted" so to speak of being on here versus living in the "now" with my family.... drifted away, told myself I could "moderate", and like you, I pretended to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

    Well, I'm back, this time, with a strong conviction that I must change- and I'm proud to say that I haven't drank since early February. When I was growing up, my dad never had a relationship with alcohol, but my mom did.... I remember being 17 years old and getting suddenly woken up by my dad at 3 in the morning with a question: "How much did your mother drink last night?" You see, my dad would go to bed at 10 pm and my mom was a "night owl"- would stay up and drink her hidden cocktails and watch the Tonight Show, Night Line, and then maybe "Baretta".

    On that night, after my mom went to bed, she woke up to use the bathroom and rather than taking a left to return to her bedroom, she took a right and fell down the flight of 8 steps.

    Onto the marble floor.

    My dad heard her fall, and found my mom with two broken wrists, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a screwed up knee cap.... we called 9-1-1. When my mom got to the hospital, they tested her BAC and she was at a .23- so while she was in severe pain, they could not give her any drugs until she dried out. Horrific to see my mom like that- remember, I was only 17.

    With two broken wrists, she was literally crippled, and could not drink. As an impressionable young lady, I vowed "I would never be like her"...

    Guess what, Taya, I grew up to be just like her. The difference is that I didn't literally fall down the proverbial stairs, but in some ways, I was worse. You see, I thought my kids didn't notice my drinking, and they did. Read my other posts to see my life journey.

    The first day to go alcohol free is physically hard to do- the physical withdrawals can be intense- you may be short tempered, your mind may race with a million reasons why you are "over reacting".... and this little temptress called Pinot Noir may quietly tap you on the shoulder and tell you to "just have a little glass to take the edge off".

    Knowledge is power. If you know this is normal, you can combat it- prepare for it... buy a special drink, like a new tea, or sparkling water and cranberry juice with a twist of lime- so that when you get this feeling, you fill your drinking hand with a healthy alternative.

    You come on here. You journal, you read, you cry. You post. You decide.

    I found a website for women about sobriety and they advocate doing a journal. Whether you are religious or not, journaling your reasons why YOU want to change YOU can help you decide what your next day will hold.

    Taya, tell yourself that you CAN drink tomorrow- just not today. Bargain with yourself that you need 30 days to decide whether you will quit drinking all together, or if you will decide to try to moderate. But for today, you will stop.

    The money is in the morning! When you wake up, and that hazy feeling you mention.... where you are half-assing it through the morning... when you wake up and THAT feeling isn't there --> WOW!

    It's not all sunny days and roses. Remember, even roses are grown in manure, and there is weeding to be done and thorns to avoid. But the beauty is when you KNOW that YOU are truly there for your children.... when YOUR children don't have to think, like I did, "I will never be like her."

    Patty

    __________________
    "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
    so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

  2. #522
    Forum Subscriber. Byrdlady's Avatar

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    Tool box

    Reposted with permission by NotHappyHourHappyLife, dated 4/1/14 in the thread, "Following in my Father's footsteps".

    I first found this web site a couple of years ago, stayed for about 4 months- found myself "addicted" so to speak of being on here versus living in the "now" with my family.... drifted away, told myself I could "moderate", and like you, I pretended to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

    Well, I'm back, this time, with a strong conviction that I must change- and I'm proud to say that I haven't drank since early February. When I was growing up, my dad never had a relationship with alcohol, but my mom did.... I remember being 17 years old and getting suddenly woken up by my dad at 3 in the morning with a question: "How much did your mother drink last night?" You see, my dad would go to bed at 10 pm and my mom was a "night owl"- would stay up and drink her hidden cocktails and watch the Tonight Show, Night Line, and then maybe "Baretta".

    On that night, after my mom went to bed, she woke up to use the bathroom and rather than taking a left to return to her bedroom, she took a right and fell down the flight of 8 steps.

    Onto the marble floor.

    My dad heard her fall, and found my mom with two broken wrists, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a screwed up knee cap.... we called 9-1-1. When my mom got to the hospital, they tested her BAC and she was at a .23- so while she was in severe pain, they could not give her any drugs until she dried out. Horrific to see my mom like that- remember, I was only 17.

    With two broken wrists, she was literally crippled, and could not drink. As an impressionable young lady, I vowed "I would never be like her"...

    Guess what, Taya, I grew up to be just like her. The difference is that I didn't literally fall down the proverbial stairs, but in some ways, I was worse. You see, I thought my kids didn't notice my drinking, and they did. Read my other posts to see my life journey.

    The first day to go alcohol free is physically hard to do- the physical withdrawals can be intense- you may be short tempered, your mind may race with a million reasons why you are "over reacting".... and this little temptress called Pinot Noir may quietly tap you on the shoulder and tell you to "just have a little glass to take the edge off".

    Knowledge is power. If you know this is normal, you can combat it- prepare for it... buy a special drink, like a new tea, or sparkling water and cranberry juice with a twist of lime- so that when you get this feeling, you fill your drinking hand with a healthy alternative.

    You come on here. You journal, you read, you cry. You post. You decide.

    I found a website for women about sobriety and they advocate doing a journal. Whether you are religious or not, journaling your reasons why YOU want to change YOU can help you decide what your next day will hold.

    Taya, tell yourself that you CAN drink tomorrow- just not today. Bargain with yourself that you need 30 days to decide whether you will quit drinking all together, or if you will decide to try to moderate. But for today, you will stop.

    The money is in the morning! When you wake up, and that hazy feeling you mention.... where you are half-assing it through the morning... when you wake up and THAT feeling isn't there --> WOW!

    It's not all sunny days and roses. Remember, even roses are grown in manure, and there is weeding to be done and thorns to avoid. But the beauty is when you KNOW that YOU are truly there for your children.... when YOUR children don't have to think, like I did, "I will never be like her."

    Patty

    __________________
    "God didn't give you the Strength to get back on your feet
    so that you can run back to the same thing that knocked you down."

  3. #523
    Forum Subscriber. narilly's Avatar

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    Reading here really gives me strength and renews my determination to be AL free.

    Gratitude means so much to me. I know I get into the Deprivation mode sometimes and then if I am out I think "oh, I'll just have one or two, it makes me feel good"
    Its in those moments I forget how lucky and happy I am to be in control and NOT to be drinking AL. I forget to be grateful for that.

    I am not a moderator. I have tried that many times and it may work at the beginning but then I slide right back into being hungover, sick and feeling embarassed and humiliated.

    So glad you are all here posting and giving your perspective on this. Thank you.

    I really liked what Kuya and then Byrdlady said:
    I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
    Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
    Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
    No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
    I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
    I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
    When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

    If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
    That is so true.

  4. #524
    Forum Subscriber. narilly's Avatar

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    Tool box

    Reading here really gives me strength and renews my determination to be AL free.

    Gratitude means so much to me. I know I get into the Deprivation mode sometimes and then if I am out I think "oh, I'll just have one or two, it makes me feel good"
    Its in those moments I forget how lucky and happy I am to be in control and NOT to be drinking AL. I forget to be grateful for that.

    I am not a moderator. I have tried that many times and it may work at the beginning but then I slide right back into being hungover, sick and feeling embarassed and humiliated.

    So glad you are all here posting and giving your perspective on this. Thank you.

    I really liked what Kuya and then Byrdlady said:
    I have starved her for years with eating disorders.
    Told her she was fat and ugly time and time again.
    Made her work far too hard and gave her hardly any breaks.
    No matter how well she did or hard she worked I was never satisfied with her
    I never treated her to enough new clothes or did nice things for her to make her feel good.
    I fed her drugs every day to shut her up so I didn't have to listen to her.
    When she was obviously getting ill I ignored her and didn't get her help.

    If this was a child you were given to raise you would be jailed for neglect.
    That is so true.

  5. #525
    Registered User. DreamThinkDo's Avatar

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    Tool box

    Bumpity bump.

    Just because!

  6. #526
    Registered User. DreamThinkDo's Avatar

    Join Date;
    18th September, 2013.
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    Tool box

    Bumpity bump.

    Just because!

  7. #527
    Forum Subscriber. NoSugar's Avatar

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    Excellent Podcast

    This podcast clearly explains several important concepts in terms of neurobiology and gives support to much of what is going on on MWO and in particular in the Newbies Nest:
    *Why a social group can be so important for overcoming an addiction.
    *Why the continuous days of not drinking are critical for recovery.
    *Why most people cannot return to "normal" drinking.

    There is some scary stuff:
    *The physical changes in the brain due to alcohol consumption.
    *"Slips" can mean death and should not be dismissed as inevitable or inconsequential.

    There are some really encouraging sections, too:
    *Recovery is more likely than not.
    *Even when there are episodes of drinking interspersed between periods of not drinking, the person has gained, and does not lose, the experience of being a non-drinker.
    *Recovery is contagious.

    I've seen this in action - when the Nest is full of active posters who are gaining a good number of AF days, they feed on one another's energy. Threads that are full of people who are having success can pull others along. The downside is that the opposite can be true, too, but it is just another reason to engage in a social group that is heading in the direction you want to go.

    Anyway, I've listened to this a couple times and am really impressed:

    The Bubble Hour

    Sunday, April 6, 2014

    Special Guest, Dr. John Kelly: Changing the Stigma of Addiction Through Science
    Many people think that recovery from drug and alcohol addiction is a lost cause when in reality there are approximately 25-40 million people who consider themselves to be in active, stable long-term recovery. Based on those numbers, most people probably interact with someone in recovery on a daily basis, but they don't even know it because it's not talked about openly. Dr. Kelly and the Recovery Research Institute's mission is change that stigma and show people, through science, that recovery is not only possible, but it is the likely outcome.

  8. #528
    Forum Subscriber. NoSugar's Avatar

    Join Date;
    16th January, 2013.
    Posts;
    7,897.
    Post Thanks / Like

    Tool box

    Excellent Podcast

    This podcast clearly explains several important concepts in terms of neurobiology and gives support to much of what is going on on MWO and in particular in the Newbies Nest:
    *Why a social group can be so important for overcoming an addiction.
    *Why the continuous days of not drinking are critical for recovery.
    *Why most people cannot return to "normal" drinking.

    There is some scary stuff:
    *The physical changes in the brain due to alcohol consumption.
    *"Slips" can mean death and should not be dismissed as inevitable or inconsequential.

    There are some really encouraging sections, too:
    *Recovery is more likely than not.
    *Even when there are episodes of drinking interspersed between periods of not drinking, the person has gained, and does not lose, the experience of being a non-drinker.
    *Recovery is contagious.

    I've seen this in action - when the Nest is full of active posters who are gaining a good number of AF days, they feed on one another's energy. Threads that are full of people who are having success can pull others along. The downside is that the opposite can be true, too, but it is just another reason to engage in a social group that is heading in the direction you want to go.

    Anyway, I've listened to this a couple times and am really impressed:

    The Bubble Hour

    Sunday, April 6, 2014

    Special Guest, Dr. John Kelly: Changing the Stigma of Addiction Through Science
    Many people think that recovery from drug and alcohol addiction is a lost cause when in reality there are approximately 25-40 million people who consider themselves to be in active, stable long-term recovery. Based on those numbers, most people probably interact with someone in recovery on a daily basis, but they don't even know it because it's not talked about openly. Dr. Kelly and the Recovery Research Institute's mission is change that stigma and show people, through science, that recovery is not only possible, but it is the likely outcome.

  9. #529
    Registered User. Pavati's Avatar

    Join Date;
    3rd November, 2013.
    Posts;
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    Tool box

    We Are Not Unique

    I post this a lot around the forum, so I thought I'd leave it here, too. It is a daily ponderable from NA that someone sent me.

    "We felt different... Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction."
    Basic Text, p. 22

    "But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

    So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of-or perhaps in response to those hardships.

    Our individual circumstances and differences are irrelevant when it comes to recovery. By letting go of our uniqueness and surrendering to this simple way of life, we're bound to find that we feel a part of something. And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

    Just for Today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.

  10. #530
    Registered User. Pavati's Avatar

    Join Date;
    3rd November, 2013.
    Posts;
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    Tool box

    We Are Not Unique

    I post this a lot around the forum, so I thought I'd leave it here, too. It is a daily ponderable from NA that someone sent me.

    "We felt different... Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction."
    Basic Text, p. 22

    "But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

    So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of-or perhaps in response to those hardships.

    Our individual circumstances and differences are irrelevant when it comes to recovery. By letting go of our uniqueness and surrendering to this simple way of life, we're bound to find that we feel a part of something. And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

    Just for Today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.

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