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  • Page 65 of 66 FirstFirst ... 155563646566 LastLast
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    Thread: Tool box

    1. #641
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      Re: Tool box

      Have you had a secret camera in my house?! You just wrote my cycle. In fact that cycle that started at 3:33 this morning when I woke up and instantly hated myself for the 1/2 liter or so of rum I had last night is the cycle that got me back on this site.

      I was hear years ago - started in 2007 when I had a night I really thought I was going to die and not see my daughter grow up. I read Jewells book, started the supplements and hypnosis.... and I was sober for 5 years. And then I thought I could drink socially. HA! I was able to and very careful for quite a while - only drinking at a social event and only one glass of wine. But a marriage that was falling apart (it wasn't the alcohol that made it fall apart - lol - it was the sobriety!) and stress led me to drinking more and more. Even a DWI conviction didn't stop me, though the interlock made it an art to drinking only at home and praying there would be no emergency where I would have to drive after I got home. The last year has been like you described in the cycle. That's on top of being diagnosed with fatty liver last November... I've kept drinking.

      This morning during my 330 hate myself sessions, I decided enough is enough and came back here and dug out the hypnosis CDs. I went to Natural Grocer and got some supplements though I am trying to remember all of them. So here I am day one again. Sigh.

      The morning has been fine, but that craving will start about 3 or 4... and I have a birthday dinner for my step daughter at a wine bistro. Give me the strength to just order water. I can do that. I can do that. I can do that...…

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    3. #642
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      Re: Tool box

      Reposted from the Newbies Nest. I hope it helps someone rewrite his or her story to be one free from addiction. xx, NS



      There is no doubt that the way we are raised has a huge impact on us. I cringe when I think of things I said to my kids, meaning well and doing what I thought was right at the time, but would do differently now if I could do it over.

      Everyone's parents, teachers, spouses, and friends make mistakes, some worse than others, but we don't have to continue to believe the stories they told us, or ones that we made up ourselves as we struggled to make our way through life. I no longer tell myself that I'm too shy to speak up or that if I can't do something perfectly, I shouldn't even try to do it at all. I wasn't really shy and I (obviously) wasn't perfect but I told myself I had to be and my actions followed from that.

      My parents made up the story that I was the most well-behaved and smartest girl on the planet. They didn't mean to make me think that I always had to be "good" and at the top of my class, but that was the outcome because I believed that I had to be that character in the story to receive the praise and love. And boy, does that ever put a damper on your life! Being the best feels average; there is nowhere to go but down.

      We can tell a new story about ourselves any time we want - one that serves us! @lifechange, you told yourself or sadly, someone important lead you to believe, that you are a liar and a quitter. THAT IS TOTALLY MADE UP. In an effort to feel as good as you could, avoiding pain, you may have lied and you may have quit. Given the circumstances you were in, that was probably the only thing you knew to do. But you know differently now and are not bound to dealing with stresses in the same way you did as a child. Those days are long gone and can be left behind. Don't let the past, which we can do nothing about, spoil the present or limit your future. Make up a new story that feels good - and live it .


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    5. #643
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      Re: Tool box

      At 365 days, 1 year alcohol free... (repost from Newbies Nest)

      WOW NS. That was painful to read my very first post from 2014. Thanks for that trip down memory lane. I do pull it up from time to time to remember how miserable and desperate I was. I couldn't control alcohol - and it was slowly eroding at everything positive in my life. The last paragraph strikes me today... because I DO feel I have a more clear mind and clean body (particularly clean after the stomach flu - he he!). I feel present, and I have taken the opportunity many times to tell my children about my past relationship with alcohol, and the special care they need to take with this substance.

      ADD: I also talked about wanting to be present... and that is one of the greatest gifts of sobriety - not thinking forward to that next drink, or to the past in regret.

      THAT was all I wanted, aside from not being controlled by alcohol… and SO MUCH MORE has come into my life. That, my friends is what I would like to tell you all who are struggling: Good things happen when you quit drinking that you can’t even imagine right now - things that will give you purpose, give you joy in life and a sense of self that is 27-million-billion times better than you have on the merry-go-round of addicted drinking.

      It can add up subtly, or a be few wammo things - but there is no denying that life at 1 year without alcohol is infinitely better than when I wrote that first post (and all the poetry through the 7 years prior to that). SO my question to you is: What are you waiting for? If a better life is just on the other side of "through this mess" - walk through it! Crawl through it - do whatever it takes to keep breathing - and you will survive the pain. Lean on your friends and those here who support you and just keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard it feels. Because the hard never lasts, and one day breathing will be easier and life will be brighter and you will never, ever want to go back to your miserable, numb life. Love to you all
      Last edited by KENSHO; December 11th, 2018 at 01:48 PM.
      Kensho

      Done. Moving on to life.

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    7. #644
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      Re: Tool box

      REPOST FROM Newbie's Nest 12/27/18

      LC, (and anyone else newly quit) you are doing great. Unfortunately, quitting drinking is an exercise in patience. It can feel underwhelming to finally commit to this sober thing, and then not see immediate results. Life is not all of a sudden reversed or infinitely better; relationships are not immediately repaired. For me, removing the drinking set the stage for the other healing to begin. Many changes were subtle - like paying more attention to what I really wanted and needed in any given moment (and learning to ask for it), or noticing an unusual sound. Or a meditation I wouldn't otherwise have done, or that one extra workout I wouldn't have attempted. It could be learning how to be bored. Or how to be blah. Or that you actually love tea. Or that you never knew this "thing" made you giggle. Or you have the energy and presence of mind to clean out a closet or a drawer. It could be a conversation that you later realize changed your life. Life doesn't become constant magic and rainbows and angels singing. What I found is that all the small things, over AF time, began to add up to something much more profound than a perma-smile - what I found was a sincere appreciation for experiencing all of life's moments, pleasant or unpleasant. I found I became more in touch with myself on a daily level, and started directing my life according to my inner compass, not my need to find alcohol. Initially, not having hangovers is a wonderful thing. But then you are left with yourself, to see and accept and nurture. And all of the subtle, small choices you will begin to make when alcohol is no longer driving are what add up to what long-timers say is undeniable, unparalleled peace. Which can certainly cause happiness.

      Be easy on your expectations when you stop drinking, and be grateful for the small wins. It won't be long until they start adding up. But until then, trust in the process as uncomfortable as it may be. I think a lot of people, myself included, believed that the discomfort of not drinking would be different. For me, it was just a sort of emptiness and a boredom and a lost feeling - not comfortable at all. I wanted to feel all-put-together but didn't know what that even looked like. I was putting forth extreme effort to NOT drink, but I couldn't see the life I thought I'd get. What I want to convey is that you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other through this time, and trust (so many here) that one day sooner or later, you will begin filling that emptiness and finding gems in each day that you wouldn't have ever noticed when you were addicted. Life is not perfect now, but the appreciation I have for feeling feelings (instead of running from them) is an infinitely better life - in every single way - than the prison I was living in. You can't possibly have a meaningful life when you are controlled by a substance - and any comfort you feel while ingesting it is no match for the bliss you can feel when you are free. Just. Keep. Going.
      Last edited by KENSHO; August 9th, 2019 at 03:51 PM.
      Kensho

      Done. Moving on to life.

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    9. #645
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      Re: Tool box

      On the anniversary of my 5th year

      Hi Nesters, Cowboy has it right Today marks 5 years sober and it’s hard to believe but I wanted it badly enough to stay focused on the goal. If I hadn’t stumbled onto MWO back in 2012 I’m not sure it would have happened for me. But I did, and then came a warm message of encouragement from Byrdie, and Newbies Nest and mother Hen Lav... ❤️ My first attempt lasted only 50 days. After that, I tried a few more times and got 3 days here and there. The 50 days sober was effective enough to show me that quitting was a bigger project than I thought it would be, and after failing a few times I couldn’t lie to myself about it anymore. I knew that if I was going to quit it was going to require intense commitment and tunnel vision. Until I reached the point where I was ready to do that, I stopped entertaining the thought of quitting. For me, it served to remove the forgive and forget piece - where I drank a ton, felt sick and ashamed afterwards, then applied that remorse as penance towards the shame - erasing it all together (for the moment), and creating a fresh slate for doing it all over again. Without allowing for false starts & the forgive and forget game, I just drank because it was clear that’s what I wanted to do. Without a guilty conscience to worry about I drank a little more liberally- shifting focus onto Vodka and using wine as an accessory. Boy oh boy did I get bad hangovers. Bad bad bad. And I DID feel guilty and ashamed but since I wasn’t paying a debt for a broken promise, the guilt and shame stayed and grew.
      I don’t remember it like it was yesterday but I know that on January 7th 2014 I woke up feeling shitttt eeeee. I ate something, went back to bed and slept until my husband came home from work. When he did get home we ate something for dinner (I didn’t cook so I don’t know what) we went to bed and when I woke up the next day I thought, that was day 1- even if you slept through it THAT was day 1.
      And so began the journey, much time spent daily on MWO and before long I had a new family supporting me at all hours. 5 years.

      Thank you so much Byrdie, Lav, Starfish, Ann J, NoSugar, LilB, Ava, Pav, Narilly, Ginger, Jvo, Guitarista, Eloise, Elvis, Cowboy, Matt, Mick, Rahul, Pinecone, Nursie, Kuya, Lifechange, Treetops, Nora, Scottish Lass, Wagmor, Stevo, Celeste, Jackie M., JackieClaire and Lolab.

      I’m afraid I’ve missed people... there have been so many that helped along the way.

      Wishing everyone love and strength ❤️
      AF since January 7, 2014 *Never, never, never give up. ~ Winston Churchill*

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    11. #646
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      Re: Tool box

      I got this list from another site I am on that encourages sober living just like this site. Someone posted a bunch of recommended readings. Just thought I would pass along. Knowledge is power!7FDC9F6A-DDA6-4CF8-AC22-4DE1D71FCCFE.jpg. My personal favorite has been The Alcohol Experiment and This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. (They were not on the list.)
      Last edited by Rava; January 31st, 2019 at 05:02 AM.

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    13. #647
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      Re: Tool box

      Hello Sll. I’m back again. Sitting here on school run feeling ashamed and scared. Scared that I’ve daged my body my famil and friends. Family are talking of rehab. I’m up to spirits now. Stash a bottle away and just go for it. Can have up to 7-8 doubles annight. Can’t temember the last time I slept without. Riddles with anxiety. I’m sure you all know the story. I’m worried if it is safe for me to abstain or would it be dangerous? Better get school run done. Thanks ����

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    15. #648
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      Re: Tool box

      Minstar, I remember you! Head on over to the Newbie's Nest and tell us what's going on! We can help! I know you can do this...I've SEEN YOU! Thank you for posting and we'll do whatever we can to help! Byrdie
      All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
      Tool Box
      Newbie's Nest

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    17. #649
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      Re: Tool box

      great ideas I have a question i havent been on here in a long time but yall used to have a blog on what vitamins and such we should be taking after we quit drinking? any ideas?

    18. #650
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      Re: Tool box

      This was my Friday, a few days ago. So grateful I didnít act on my urges.

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