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  1. #641
    Registered User. Elvis's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elvis View Post
    It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was parked on the side of the road in my car polishing off a 1.75L bottle of rum. I had bought my millionth last bottle the night before. I had planned to drink it during the upcoming weekend then be done with alcohol forever. Yes, I thought buying a bottle on Monday night for the upcoming weekend was a solid fool proof plan. Seems silly now, but alcohol clouds your judgment.

    The bottle sat unopened until Tuesday morning. Because, alcohol. My wife just left for work and one sip couldn't hurt, right? I'd take a sip, shower, get dressed and have a productive day at work. No. By 9:00 a.m. I was in no shape to drive, so I either called in sick from work, or told them I would work from home. I can't remember, but it doesn't matter because no work was getting done that day.

    I don't even know if I got dressed or what I did that day, but the bottle was with me. I sobered up enough to catch a glimpse of the clock and it was already 4:00 p.m. I knew my wife would be home soon, and if I was not at work and still home tripping over my own two feet when she got home, then I was busted, so I took a quick shower, got dressed in my work clothes and drove a few blocks away and parked.

    By this point, so much of the bottle was gone, it wasn't coming home with me, let alone lasting to the weekend for my so-called last hurrah, so I spent the next hour or so finishing off the bottle in my car and stumbling my way around in the field near where I parked until I passed out.

    I was awoken by my phone going off at 7:00 p.m. with a text from my wife asking if I would be home soon. I cleaned myself up and went home. I sat numb in front of the TV the rest of the evening. What had I done to myself? This was not the me I was or wanted to be. I didn't want to die an alcoholic. The next morning I came crawling back to MWO. This quit would be my last. It had to be.

    Today marks Day 365 for me, one year since that horrible day and my last drink. So much has changed for the better without alcohol. I am the me I was supposed to be and want to be. I wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. I look forward to every day, and when I call in sick to work, I'm really sick and when I work from home, I really work from home. I now remember every conversation, every TV show I watch the night before, every text I send, and every message I post to Facebook. I don't worry I'm gonna run out before I pass out, or if someone will find my empties. I go to parties and don't have to rely on my friends to drive me home. I go out for dinner and social events and enjoy the food and conversation instead of wishing it would be over already, so I can get home and back to drinking. I started exercising regularly and I reconnected with a hobby I had abandoned to allow more time for drinking. The thought of drinking disgusts me. I am never going back to that place I was one year ago.

    Alcohol lies to you. It controls you. It will do whatever it takes to get you high, or get you to the store to buy that bottle. It has no mercy or compassion. It forces you to lie to yourself and the people you love. It convinces you to take just one sip, then it owns you. The good news is that you can learn to take control back.

    Lean on your family, your friends, your support group, and the people here at MWO who have gone through what you are going through. It's hard to quit, I get that. We get that. You can't imagine living without alcohol, and what will you do with yourself? The withdrawal symptoms are scary. The bottle calls you and hey, what's one more day, you can always quit tomorrow. But you won't and deep down you know it. Every excuse you have, we get it, but it is alcohol making those excuses not you. You don't have to wait for so-called rock bottom to quit. If you are drinking today, then today is your rock bottom. It won't get better. It's a progressive disease. The more you drink, the more you kill yourself.

    Take that first step and stop drinking today. Pour the rest down the drain. The withdrawal symptoms are no fun, but if you understand that it is your body healing itself, you can make it through. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. The headache will go away, give it time, food, and water. The shaking and sweats will stop. The cravings are a bitch, but fight through them by any means necessary and they always go away. You need to use your tools and support. Physical withdrawal symptoms only last a few days, and you will physically feel better, and probably quicker than you think. I know that's not much comfort as you are going through them at the time, but they will get better. One minute at a time, that's all you need to do. Give me that minute, then do it again. The first few days are all about you, make quit your only priority.

    Alcohol doesn't want to give up control of you easily. You will always need to fight alcohol on a mental level. Remember riding a bike for the first time? It was scary, and along the way you probably fell a few times, but over time and with practice, you got over your mental roadblocks and it became easier and more natural. Fighting alcohol mentally is scary at first, but over time and with practice, it too will get easier and become more natural. You may stumble. You may relapse, and statistics show that you probably will. But the important thing is to get back on that bike and keep fighting and pushing forward if you do.

    It takes a brave person to admit that you are an alcoholic, and it takes a strong person to do something about it. But you are strong, and you can take back control. Only you can raise that bottle to your lips. Alcohol can't force you to drink it alone. Stop letting alcohol control the relationship. Fight back. Yell. Get out of there. Remember why you want to quit. Reflect on the miserable times. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you. Do it for yourself. Whatever it takes not to have that next drink. Ask yourself where do you want to be in a year? Do you want to be drunk and miserable or do you want to be sober and happy? Because next year is coming either way. Alcohol doesn't care about your happiness. Make the right choice.
    11/5/2014

    [moon] [guy] [shout] [two] [horse] [three] [rockon] [worthy] [spin] [allgood] [two] [dancin] [shout] [baby] [fist] [celebrate] [dancin] [rockon] [welldone] [bouncy] [applause2] [dancing] [lucky] [worthy] [llama] [shout] [horn] [three] [applause] [hyper] [dancegirl] [black] [bumpit]

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  3. #642
    Registered User. Elvis's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elvis View Post
    It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was parked on the side of the road in my car polishing off a 1.75L bottle of rum. I had bought my millionth last bottle the night before. I had planned to drink it during the upcoming weekend then be done with alcohol forever. Yes, I thought buying a bottle on Monday night for the upcoming weekend was a solid fool proof plan. Seems silly now, but alcohol clouds your judgment.

    The bottle sat unopened until Tuesday morning. Because, alcohol. My wife just left for work and one sip couldn't hurt, right? I'd take a sip, shower, get dressed and have a productive day at work. No. By 9:00 a.m. I was in no shape to drive, so I either called in sick from work, or told them I would work from home. I can't remember, but it doesn't matter because no work was getting done that day.

    I don't even know if I got dressed or what I did that day, but the bottle was with me. I sobered up enough to catch a glimpse of the clock and it was already 4:00 p.m. I knew my wife would be home soon, and if I was not at work and still home tripping over my own two feet when she got home, then I was busted, so I took a quick shower, got dressed in my work clothes and drove a few blocks away and parked.

    By this point, so much of the bottle was gone, it wasn't coming home with me, let alone lasting to the weekend for my so-called last hurrah, so I spent the next hour or so finishing off the bottle in my car and stumbling my way around in the field near where I parked until I passed out.

    I was awoken by my phone going off at 7:00 p.m. with a text from my wife asking if I would be home soon. I cleaned myself up and went home. I sat numb in front of the TV the rest of the evening. What had I done to myself? This was not the me I was or wanted to be. I didn't want to die an alcoholic. The next morning I came crawling back to MWO. This quit would be my last. It had to be.

    Today marks Day 365 for me, one year since that horrible day and my last drink. So much has changed for the better without alcohol. I am the me I was supposed to be and want to be. I wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. I look forward to every day, and when I call in sick to work, I'm really sick and when I work from home, I really work from home. I now remember every conversation, every TV show I watch the night before, every text I send, and every message I post to Facebook. I don't worry I'm gonna run out before I pass out, or if someone will find my empties. I go to parties and don't have to rely on my friends to drive me home. I go out for dinner and social events and enjoy the food and conversation instead of wishing it would be over already, so I can get home and back to drinking. I started exercising regularly and I reconnected with a hobby I had abandoned to allow more time for drinking. The thought of drinking disgusts me. I am never going back to that place I was one year ago.

    Alcohol lies to you. It controls you. It will do whatever it takes to get you high, or get you to the store to buy that bottle. It has no mercy or compassion. It forces you to lie to yourself and the people you love. It convinces you to take just one sip, then it owns you. The good news is that you can learn to take control back.

    Lean on your family, your friends, your support group, and the people here at MWO who have gone through what you are going through. It's hard to quit, I get that. We get that. You can't imagine living without alcohol, and what will you do with yourself? The withdrawal symptoms are scary. The bottle calls you and hey, what's one more day, you can always quit tomorrow. But you won't and deep down you know it. Every excuse you have, we get it, but it is alcohol making those excuses not you. You don't have to wait for so-called rock bottom to quit. If you are drinking today, then today is your rock bottom. It won't get better. It's a progressive disease. The more you drink, the more you kill yourself.

    Take that first step and stop drinking today. Pour the rest down the drain. The withdrawal symptoms are no fun, but if you understand that it is your body healing itself, you can make it through. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. The headache will go away, give it time, food, and water. The shaking and sweats will stop. The cravings are a bitch, but fight through them by any means necessary and they always go away. You need to use your tools and support. Physical withdrawal symptoms only last a few days, and you will physically feel better, and probably quicker than you think. I know that's not much comfort as you are going through them at the time, but they will get better. One minute at a time, that's all you need to do. Give me that minute, then do it again. The first few days are all about you, make quit your only priority.

    Alcohol doesn't want to give up control of you easily. You will always need to fight alcohol on a mental level. Remember riding a bike for the first time? It was scary, and along the way you probably fell a few times, but over time and with practice, you got over your mental roadblocks and it became easier and more natural. Fighting alcohol mentally is scary at first, but over time and with practice, it too will get easier and become more natural. You may stumble. You may relapse, and statistics show that you probably will. But the important thing is to get back on that bike and keep fighting and pushing forward if you do.

    It takes a brave person to admit that you are an alcoholic, and it takes a strong person to do something about it. But you are strong, and you can take back control. Only you can raise that bottle to your lips. Alcohol can't force you to drink it alone. Stop letting alcohol control the relationship. Fight back. Yell. Get out of there. Remember why you want to quit. Reflect on the miserable times. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you. Do it for yourself. Whatever it takes not to have that next drink. Ask yourself where do you want to be in a year? Do you want to be drunk and miserable or do you want to be sober and happy? Because next year is coming either way. Alcohol doesn't care about your happiness. Make the right choice.
    11/5/2014

    [moon] [guy] [shout] [two] [horse] [three] [rockon] [worthy] [spin] [allgood] [two] [dancin] [shout] [baby] [fist] [celebrate] [dancin] [rockon] [welldone] [bouncy] [applause2] [dancing] [lucky] [worthy] [llama] [shout] [horn] [three] [applause] [hyper] [dancegirl] [black] [bumpit]

  4. #643
    Registered User. JeffRob887's Avatar

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    Here's my tools to motivate me in being sober:

    A mindset that is telling you that you must adopt a complete abstinence

    Have a goal: One Day at a time

    A Solid Support System: Such as NA/AA, Family, and Friends.

    Listen to yourself, not on your addiction.

    Self-care such as having a well-balanced diet, having an excercise, hobbies, etc. (Keep yourself busy)

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  6. #644
    Registered User. Marylou123's Avatar

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    Who da thunk?

    Hi Nesters,

    Like Byrdie recently wrote on her momentous five years, today is both joyful and melancholy. I am so happy and grateful to be two-years AF but it does take me back to a dark time too. But I am free. And, like Brydie and with minor exception, I have spent everyday of the past two years in the Nest. Sometimes I think I should venture into other threads, but I am safe and comfortable here. So here's where I'll stay!

    Thank you to everyone for your contributions to this thread - I have benefitted greatly. A few special shout outs:

    NS (No Sugar) -- it took me a long time to hit "Post" two years ago. You replied nine minutes later. I wasn't even in the Nest. It was my first post anywhere, ever. And here, somewhere in cyberspace, was a person named No Sugar who in a mere nine minutes made me feel like I was where I needed to be. You told me about the Nest and Toolbox. I think of you as a friend, mentor and teacher. I have learned a great deal about how alcohol actually does its dastardly deeds in our bodies from your posts and reading recommendations. Thank you.

    Byrdlady - you are so freaking awesome. Of course you welcomed me to the Nest with encouragement and a story so much like my own that I was almost spooked a little. LOL. [For the newbies, two years ago my husband of 21 years got up (in a separate room as had become too normal), said he was leaving, and did. He'd had enough of my shit and my love affair with Chardonnay. Believe me, we had other issues, but pretty much NOTHING could be addressed, worked on, improved or changed because I was drinking daily (at least a bottle of wine, if not more.)] The first line of the first post Brydie ever addressed to me was, "Well hello Mary Lou, goodbye heart..." I made it my ringtone that day! Yep, that's my real name. :-) Brydie - you are an inspiration, cheerleader and drill sergeant. Thank you for always, always reminding us where where that s**t head AL belongs, for the straight talk, compassion and prizes!

    Lav, Pav, Ava, Jane, J-Vo -- you were all there then and are here now too and the advice, honesty, and support you all bring has helped me through cravings, boredom, pity, guilt, and I could go on. Thank you. Lav, I loved your cake for Brydie. How ever did you get Stella to sit so long for the self portrait? Pav, I was so sorry to hear about your dog. I love our furry friends and I know how heartbreaking it is to say goodbye.

    Kensho, I hope you are feeling better - thank you for being so open and sharing yourself with us. J-Vo, I heard some airlines are already allowing pax to rebook due to the impending storm. But if I were you, I would stay in the warmth and blame it on the weather. Matt and Gman - thank you for your posts - your posts have helped me see that our battles are gender agnostic. LC, and all nesters in cold climes, bundle up and stay warm. To all the nesters here - I thank you too for your posts and contributions to this thread. And Lil, the cat video is too funny.

    I was was looking over my List of Reasons I want to be AF, this week. I wrote it on day 2 - it was so painful. Of course I wanted all the physical benefits - to be unhung, have healthy numbers, clear thinking, white eyes, more money, etc. - but most of my list had to do with feelings and emotions. I cried and cried as I realized I had drowned everything that was emotionally healthy, like relationships, happiness, joy, compassion, empathy, self-improvement and self-control in effing wine!! Nearly every bad choice I had made for almost thirty years had started with a single bad decision: to have a drink. No big light bulb moment when it comes to associating the stupid sh*t I did when I was drunk and drinking. I knew that. The aha moment was the connection to the first drink. I couldn't stop at one -- all the years and years of attempting to "cut down" and moderate were foiled by that one, now obvious, choice. It was a choice I was making every day that ended in Y and for any reason. It is a choice that is now OFF THE TABLE!! And, most of the time, I don't miss at all.

    Year one was all about firsts - heck everyday was a first day AF. Year two was much easier because I had already made it through every day, every holiday, birthday, and other life event without drinking. The fear of AF social situations still lurks occasionally but I can easily say "I'll have a Coke" in reply to what used to be THE dreaded question: what would you like to drink. I am a non-drinker. And on the rare occassion my husband will say something along the lines of "we can't go dancing because it's at a bar and you can't drink", I remind him that I actually 'can' drink. But 'I DON'T DRINK.' That's a decision, the single most important decision I have made every day for two years and, God-willing and with the support of the Nest Peeps, will continue to make every day. (Newbies - my husband and I reconciled eight days before our final court date. We celebrated 23 years in November. Still a work in progress - aren't we all -- but unimaginably better.)

    Year two has been more about emotional healing. I believe it's true what others have said here; that we become emotionally stunted as our dependency on alcohol consumes us. I'm also happy to report massive growth and improvement there too. A clear head has let me deal with real, and imagined, emotions. I can experience and share other people's joys and disappointments, achievements and hardships with so much more happiness, empathy and compassion where I used to be so self-centered. (I DO NOT miss the frequency of self-pity parties. And they were a regular occurrence when I was drinking!) I can deal with the occasional funk because that is life, not a reason to drink.

    To anyone lurking, struggling with the desire to stop and take control of the beast, please come in. I can pretty much guarantee you will feel better, and be touched, in ten minutes or less. Reply now and you'll not only get the entire order of advice and encouragement, but we'll also throw in humor, opinions, and our full support at no extra charge. But hurry, this is unlimited.

    Hugs,
    Mary Lou
    Mary Lou

    A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill

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  8. #645
    Forum Subscriber. Byrdlady's Avatar

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    A few thoughts from the Newbie's Nest:
    [QUOTE=Byrdlady

    Let's see, where is my Soapbox? Ah...here it is (climbing up....not as young as I used to be, plus I have that mad chicken in my hand). Here we go.
    Ok, so what will be different in your life after X amount of alcohol free time? "Well, I've had some time to rewire my thinking" "New habits only take 21 days, so I should be able to handle AL by now" "Now that I have some time in the bank, I realize what I was doing wrong and now I can correct it" "AL just doesn't have the importance it had when I first got here, so now I should be able to have one or two whenever I want". Do THESE sentences sound familiar? They do to me...I have heard them 1000 times....I have SAID THEM 1000 times!
    Let's take a deeper dive....

    Call me crazy, but I keep a list of LONG TERMERS (6 months or more) who reintroduce AL back into their lives and end up WORSE OFF than when they got here! This list is sobering. These are people, like me! These are folks who think that TIME will change the wiring in the brain so that AL will no longer hold its appeal. I can sit here till the chickens come to roost and tell you that those pathways in the brain are as ingrained as the Grand Canyon is in Utah (or wherever they put it). It is JUST the way our brains are wired and NO amount of time will change that. We've had people here with 14-20 years of abstinence, and the minute they started back, it was as if no time had passed. Holding on to the HOPE that ONE DAY we will be able to drink normally is really something I had to LET GO. Wishing and hoping doesn't get THIS job done. If I am diabetic, I sure dam better get my sugar intake under control or it's going to kill me, same with this. It IS what it IS and there is no changing that.

    I know that we see folks who appear to be moderating successfully. The key word there is APPEAR. 3 months, 6 months....maybe a year? That is not LONG term, let's see how they do for 25-30-40 years? Can you imagine fighting AL for that long? TRYING to tell yourself WHEN and HOW much for that long? Counting drinks and calculating and manipulating numbers to make yourself feel you are 'still ok'? "I had too many, but I'm not going to beat myself up" (you don't have to, AL will do that FOR you) Oh, do you count vacations? Do you count MLK day since there was a parade? Does .6 of a drink count as one? (who drinks .6 of a drink????) Addiction doesn't care, as long as you feed it occasionally, it will be just fine. Abstaining is easier and I'm ALL FOR simplicity. Life is BETTER now that I don't have AL in it. I'd have NEVER believed that if I hadn't lived it.

    If we look at the facts, most of us drank to escape, not to enjoy a sunset or have a toast and sip....we drank to GET AWAY and if you think you can just do that on a controlled basis, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

    I tried every single way I knew to outsmart this addiction and after years of trying I must conclude that AL cannot be outsmarted....your brain knows where you've been. Let go of the notion of any kind of controlled drinking in your future and you will be miles ahead. Hope is not a strategy. You will find, like I finally did, that life is BETTER without AL calling the shots. I am Byrdlady and I'm an alcoholic.[/QUOTE]
    Last edited by Byrdlady; February 10th, 2016 at 08:35 PM.
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

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  10. #646
    Registered User. starty's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Byrdlady View Post
    A few thoughts from the Newbie's Nest:
    This is a brilliant post Byrdie. As you know I had 7 years sober. 7 whole years and all it took was one drink to send me back down the rabbit hole to end up in a worse position than I was previously. Yes it ALWAYS gets worse.

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  12. #647
    Forum Subscriber. jane27's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by MalODrama View Post
    It's a bullshit and a un helpful post ....IMHO .to newbies .....it's her ego gone mad she is ruining this place with her ignorance and posts that she knows all ! I suggest harm miniastion can save lotsa lives than her bullshit abstinence constant repeat you can't moderate diatribe.... it's boring and stupid and above all ...so ignorant
    Your post is angry, vengeful and doesn't belong here.
    AF since January 7, 2014 *Never, never, never give up. ~ Winston Churchill*

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  14. #648
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    Malodrama....IMHO... there is no humble in your opinion!!! I think the word you are looking for in your self opinionated blurb that you wrote is minimization as opposed your attempt ....Byrdies post does no more harm than to remind us of the issues and pitfalls of drink despite the passing of drink free time we have...unlike your post which is absolute b.llox...happy to have read your "post" later on in the day,before a clown like you could attempt to spoil it
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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  16. #649
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    I take note of your reply in very basic English...I also take note of the wording below your avatar name..Junior Member ...as two separate classes ..you fit both admirably...both junior and definitely a member ....now run along sonny
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

  17. #650
    Registered User. Mick's Avatar

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    really?lovely as it is spending time talking at you key, board warrior,I would rather watch paint dry...you waste of space..come back when you have something constructive to say and do....have a nice life
    af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 5..done that one..now bimbling into year 6..tick ..done that one too..as he casually strolls into numero 7


    CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK.EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID,EXCEPT YOU.

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