Ok Ok My Turn

[brightlite]

Hi to all,

I've been reading the posts on this site on and off for a few months. I guess its time to give you an intro. I'm a 47 year old divorced mother of two ages 17 and 21. The alcohol gene runs in my family. My sister and I lost our parents in a car accident when I was 1 (probably alcohol related) although noone talks about it. Grew up with an Aunt and Uncle and cousins. Uncle was a WWII vet and quit his job at GM, started drinking daily, went into a psychiatric hospital was released, but died at age 54. I left home after high school, never to return. Went to college, met my future husband. Fun guy, loved to party. I was only a weekend party girl at that point. We got married, had kids...still only weekends partying with other couples...gawd... how us women (moms) loved to drink our wine. My husband started hitting bars after work after about year 5 into the marriage. Trouble started with him, he would have what the kids and I would call "episodes", abusive, destructive. At that point I started having a glass of wine every night out of fear for him and release of tension. By year 18 we divorced. At about age 40, I started hanging out with a couple of other divorced women. We would go out to happy hour a couple nights a week. That led to dating what I call "bar" men. I'm ashamed at some of my choices and some events that occured. All in all somehow I've raised wonderful kids, "A" students, athletes, scholarships and all. I've been blessed in that regard. Anyway, since 40 years old I've noticed my drinking (nightly) or every other night getting progressively worse. So far this year I have drank the worst, up to 2 bottles of wine at one time sometimes. Yuck! The hangovers as someone else put it are like being "In the Pit of Despair" (from the princess bride movie if you ever seen it). I've tried to quit, but have only made it to day 5. Wine is the only thing I drink. I don't really like beer and I think that mixed drinks are usually too sweet. Yes, I'm a wino! Well that's it in a nutshell. I know if I don't do something it will get worse and (knock on wood) so far nothing worse than a loss of my own self-respect.

Ok, I've rambled on long enough. I will try to keep up with the posting. I do believe it helps.

H

[LookingToGrow]

Nice post Bright! Since you've been here awhile, have you come up with a plan? Let us know what we can do to help. Keep posting. It really does help :lilangel:

[keepwalking]

thanks for sharing bright, well done on being a great mummy, 2009 is the year of your transformation, and mine i hope. i like you only ever drink wine, chilled white is my favourite, i know its a bad habit and i am ready to kick it but also wary about how i will cope. Lets keep sharing and as LTG asks please let us know what your plan is. x

[kitkatsue]

Welcome Bright,

I look forward to your posts !!

kitkat

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Hi brightlite,

Yup, wine was my downfall, too. Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations on raising two wonderful kids, especially under your circumstances. I'm 47, too. :l

Have you read the My Way Out Book yet? It really is what gave me the kick in the a** to
get going as I knew I needed help, too.

Take care,
Be

[kaponium]

Hiya and welcome, bright ! ALCOHOL is my downfall, and in the end it didn't much matter whether it was vodka, wine or even boring beer! However, there is a way out and that for many of us is MWO! Great to see you here, and look forward to getting to know you -

[redhibiscus]

Thanks for sharing your story. LIke you I love my wine, and over time my drinking has become more intense, more days and more wine. Also like you, the hangovers are hell. The remorse and fears due to making bad choices are terrifying. I have again decided to try 30 days AF, although I have not been able to abstain longer than seven days. But, the choice to not keep trying is not even thinkable. I have to get sober and stay clean for my sanity and my health. I am 48 and the alcohol is taking its toll - I can feel it and it is frightening. The tool box is very helpful and I plan to make a plan tonight.

[brightlite]

Thank you all for your kind words. Sounds like there are quite a few of us 40+ wine drinkers. I will try to look for your posts daily, KeepWalking, BecomingMe, Redhibiscus, Kit and Kap. I did read the MWO book, bought the moderation CD's which are wonderful, but I may have to go to abstinence. I recently ordered the antabuse and took it for 5 days. Drank on day three and thought I was having a Hot Flash!! Got red and blotchy all over and felt nauseous. That was mid December. Then of course company and the holidays and I stopped taking it and told myself that I would try after the New Year. I do want to set a goal like 30 days AF like Redhibiscus and I have read others posts about starting for the New Year. So I will take the Antabuse again after Dec. 31st. Right now I have 3 days AF without meds. I'm trying to prime myself for the long haul. Oh and I also am a big believer in exercise. I had yoga today and a long dog walk with my yorkie! He's a charmer!

[keepwalking]

red please share your plan when you;ve made it - thanks x

[brightlite]

Oops! I just realized that I should have posted this under "Tell us Your Story" .