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  • Page 7350 of 7350 FirstFirst ... 63506850725073007340734873497350
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    Thread: Newbies Nest

    1. #73491
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Morning Nesters,

      up and at 'em early this morning..

      Happy Birthday Mywayin!
      G-man, looks like the big 180 is right around the corner.. I'm baking a yummy cake and getting ready to celebrate with you!

      Crusader, I also relate very much to what you've posted..feeling like two different people is very unsettling. At times I've felt at war with myself and it isn't a good feeling. One of my tools has been, when this crazy voice comes into my mind, telling me it might be ok to drink or that drinking will help or that f*** it, who cares?, to write down exactly what this voice is telling me in the moment and then to immediately write down what I KNOW I want.. and how drinking won't in any way work to my benefit.. and then to offer alternative solutions. This has helped a little bit to clearly separate the two and to give my rational mind strength. I appreciate your posts and all that you're sharing very much.

      NS, very good point. I am definitely one of those people who has tended to create a whole new life plan every couple of weeks (with the same things listed) and is then depressed when I "fail". I am always searching for a bit of discipline in my life and it seems like I should be able to follow through on doing things that I love. But as soon as I place rules on those things, seems as if I high tail it out. I still haven't figured that one out. Actually, maybe I have to re-think what I it is I love to do.? The daily painting and gratitude journal is something I have done without effort or a set plan. hmmmm..

      Yesterday I had a doctor's appt. that lasted for 2 hours. I told her anything and everything I could think of. Unfortunately it didn't seem like she had a lot of experience with addiction.. but at one point she asked me why I'm still at times drinking when I'm in the place in my life I've wanted to be for such a long time? If everything is going so well, why? I realized with her that the past few times I've decided to drink, it's been when I've been in more of a good mood, manic though.. and it's been to try and come down a notch. Then, of course, I bring myself so far down that I don't care anymore. I have one other health problem that she's going to help me get under control, which will be a huge relief and will help to stabilize my immune system.

      Anyway, what I know for a fact is that I am a happier, healthier, stronger person when I'm sober. I LOVE being sober. I honestly appreciate most every minute of the day when I'm sober. I don't have a darn thing to complain about. With the exception of not living close enough to my family and not having a small piece of land with a horse , I am just where I want to be. I'm a slow learner, but I am learning each and every day.. I'm learning to accept and like myself as I am rather than waiting until I'm the person I think I want to be.. and this is a big deal as I've never really liked myself. Which is sad, seeing that I like other people and other people seem to like me. Very slowly, but surely.

      Now I've got to run to work.. how nice that it's light at 6:50am.. already was 20 minutes ago!
      Wishing everyone a nice Friday.. I am excited that it's the weekend.
      xx
      Last edited by lifechange; Today at 12:51 AM.

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    3. #73492
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Thank you Lifechange. That idea of writing down what that nasty voice is saying and then what You know you want. Great tool. I struggle with self worth. I always have.
      No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Hi. I feel like about 150 yrs. old this morning. Ugh.

      The fire alarm (like not a “chirp”, but the full on alarm) went off at midnight. We had to get the ladder, change the battery, and curse the system half awake. And my stomach hurt all night. Slogging and wishing I could go back to bed.

      BUT, I appreciate all the quality posts here. So good to have the support of such genuinely good people.

      NS, I totally agree. The only plan is to not drink. The rest of the things are tricks or tools to use when trying to implement that. It helped me to have a non-alcoholic drink in my hands during my witching hours (but I didn’t always do it), and it helped me to focus on things I am grateful for (but I didn’t always feel grateful). Basically, the tools are available, but the only measure of success is whether we drink or not.

      Wagmore, I love the research on the plasticity of our brains - based on what we choose to focus on. Thanks for that reminder. We can shape our realities by making “positive” and “compassionate” a priority.

      PAV, maybe that’s my problem today - a food hangover! I ate so much bread yesterday!

      MyWayIn, hope your birthday was great!!!

      LAV, how often to you get new chicks? They are really cute - I love the peeps they make.

      Byrdie, I love your analogy about seeing black and white - and then full color. That’s how its felt to me too. Alcohol numbed so many of my sensory experiences in life - and took so much head space - my world was small and 2 dimensional. It is SO much more FULL and RICH and COLORFUL now! 3D!

      Crusader, I TOTALLY get the two different people thing. I would wake up in the morning swearing I would never drink again, and then by 3pm, I was scheming about how to get my fix that night. It helped me to understand the two different brains we have - the primal brain and the rational brain. The primal brain tells us what it thinks we need for survival, based on how much pleasure it produces (i.e. sugar, sex, etc.), and it is often wrong. But the rational brain weighs consequences and understands a bigger picture. The trick is knowing that the alcohol voice is always the primal brain (because alcohol is actually a poison and does the opposite of ensuring survival) - and we can call it out as BS when we hear it.

      LC, great self reflection. You’re learning about yourself - hooray! I love when that happens to me

      Send me a little bump of energy if any of you have extra today. I need it. Hugs to all.
      Last edited by KENSHO; Today at 11:03 AM.
      Kensho

      Done. Moving on to life.

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    7. #73494
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Hi, Nest:

      NoSugar - I love your posts. Right on. I have that same issue with food - I eat one bad thing at breakfast and suddenly I accept it as a bad day and I eat like that all day. I have been working on changing my perspective on that.

      I really do think it is that simple - and that complicated. I don't drink. I can't drink. Ok, now what do I do? That first year I made SURE that I had an exit plan for every situation. There was one very bad time when I didn't, and I ended up going outside and contacting some MWO friends. Other than that, I always had my own car and a way home. I also had the support of my husband. Frankly, I think those of you who do this while a spouse is encouraging you to drink are super heroes. Mine drinks and keeps booze in the house, but he knows that there is no way I can drink.

      LB - It is great to see you. I hope all is well!

      Sounding good LC!

      Happy Birthday, MyWayIn!

      Happy Weekend - no tickets to Boozeville for sale...

      Pav

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