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The other thing I had to do was decide that I wanted a better life, and that required me to believe that I deserved it. Hard to do when self-loathing in the pits of alcohol addiction. I found a vision - created a vision board actually - of the kind of life I wanted (income, relationships, lifestyle) and I focused hard on it. I believed I could have and deserved to have that life, and alcohol was not a part of it!
Hi, All:
Kensho, fabulous post. All of that is true. I actually had no idea how much my use of alcohol was permeating every facet of my life, which has improved in ways I never thought it would. I am so glad to be rid of that anchor.
LC - Deep relaxation is a great idea. I'm glad the CDs help. Hope you're well.
Last night I had some tension about something and my husband opened a beer. I looked at it and thought, "he's lucky, he can relax in one can," but I didn't want a beer. Instead I did some breathing techniques and read my book to shift what my mind was thinking about. That was pretty quick relaxation as well, without all of the side effects.
Happy SOBER Thursday,
Pav
G-dude - your trip will be amazing, er, fantástico! Having even a grasp of spanish pronunciation and then google translate will help a ton. During my early travels when my spanish was fairly basic, I found that in cities, hotels, airports etc people spoke enough English for us to muddle through almost any need, while in small towns, open air markets, and other non-tourist places, Spanish was pretty necessary but google translate - especially if you've got wifi and can use the audio function - you should be muy bien. I can't wait to hear...
Kensho - great post, and great job halting your downward slide before you hit the bottom below the bottom. I feel fortunate to have enacted a similar halt - I'd suffered plenty of negative consequences but nothing that destroyed my life or health.
LC - glad the CDs are helping you center yourself. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (and is carried out in the same way).
I've been thinking quite a bit over the past few months, maybe nudged by my wife's surgery/rehab and my dad's medical scare, doing a mini eval of my life thus far and how I feel about how I've lived it. Generally feeling pretty good, still looking forward to many joys and adventures for sure, but also grateful for a decent highlight reel so to speak. I'm grateful I didn't lose all I had, all I have, to drinking. And it struck me that for me personally, a key to maintaining my quit is wanting what the quit provides for me more than whatever al seductively tries to suggest that it offers. Although I've mostly reached a point of not being the slightest bit tempted by the lies of al, it helps to have a solid "cost/benefit analysis" to fall back on should something try to sneak past my defenses.
I'm so grateful to have this nest as a place to land every day (well, it's here and you're here every day, even if I don't manage to stop by). Hope you all have fantastic days and eves!
Wags, beautifully stated, as always. I've been taking some personal inventory, too. I'm so grateful for my many blessings. It was a shame that I had to hit a rock bottom to find my way out, but at least I didn't keep digging! I FOUND my way out. Available says it again and again, but it bears repeating, you have to be coachable. That was something I wasn't the greatest at doing. I thought I knew what was best for me, but alas. Humbling, really, to learn that others knew more about my disease than I did (Lav). I'm just thankful that when I was READY to do it, I had all the tools in place, I just had to use them.
If I'd had a chainsaw and that Project Manager in front of me this afternoon, I am sure that I would have cut off something he needed. @#$%^! Fortunatley for him, he is 600 miles away.
Stay strong, everyone, a sober life is worth the temporary discomfort! Hugs to all, Byrdie
Good evening Nesters,
Byrdie, I think all chain saws should be removed from your reach immediately, LOL
Tonight I am grateful that none of us resorted to chainsaws today :)
LC, I was just thinking about all the books I've read since beginning this AF journey. I had a massive case of negativity to get rid of before I could even take a step towards day one. One book in particular I think would be good for all of us to read is: "Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakeable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness" by Rick Hanson, Ph.D & Forrest Hanson. I have most of my books on my Kindle app so I can easily jump in & reread a favorite chapter if I feel like I need a little tune up ;)
I'm glad to see you back today & every day!
Wags, sometimes it's just a good idea to do a little self-evaluation. Some things happen (like turning 65 last December) shake me a little harder than I like but I have found gratitude helps me over those hurdles.
Hello to Pav, Kensho, G & everyone checking in today.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav
Good night everyone. Have a good sober night.
Xo
Good Morning All,
Kenso, your post really hit me hard. When I first quit, many years ago, I did hit all the alcoholic red flags. I was starting to fall when drunk, bumps, bruises, and a badly sprained ankle. Drunken arguments with ex before he was ex, that I had to try and remember the next day. Turning off the lights and going to bed with a half a glass of wine that I stumbled and spilt all over a freshly painted wall. The next morning I had to figure out how the stain got there. Hung over so badly in the morning, swearing not to drink again, only to come home and pour a glass of wine as soon as I put my purse down. I did the most inappropriate things and just passed them off. I was miserable but kept doing it till I got tired of creating my own misery. It floors me now to think I could ever drink like a normal person again. I started down the same path taking different steps but finishing a bottle of wine at 6am to get it in the trash for pick up was not appropriate and I am glad I stopped. Yesterday was my 4th week sober, woohoo, and the 28th I can mark 30 days! I am so glad you guys are here because I couldn't do it without you!
I have had two busy days! Wednesday we had a surprise party for one of the ladies in our group. It was great. We went to a really nice restaurant and enjoyed a wonderful meal together. Thank God no one drinks in this group. Our project for this month will be a yard sale to raise money for our little local library. The library in this little town is not used much because it is so small and I am not sure how we can really improve it, but I am sure the support will be welcomed. We will probably all still use the library in the next town over because their selection is better :egad:
Yesterday my husband I went on a quest to find a heater for our hot tub. The hot tub came with our house and the former owners did offer to get rid of it for us but hubby was sure he could fix it. We went to about a half dozen stores to find the heater and was so proud when we came home, then the project started. We could not find the breaker for the outlet. I had to find the inspection we had done when we bought the house to find the hidden breaker box. It was hidden in plain sight, of course. Hubby got the heater in, thought we were good to go, filled the bugger up to add cleaner and clean all the hoses but found the pump didn't work. Draining has taken all night and hubby is determined to get a sup pump so we don't have to do this again and we are going to have to find another water pump. He is sweet to do this because I get to start exercising more next week and he wants me to have the hot tub to help with inevitable soreness I will feel. Is he a keeper or what?!!! We embark on the next leg of our adventure in a little bit. This is beginning to feel like the Amazing Race!
My brain tumor is healing nicely, in case you were wondering. The doc gave some wonderful prescription allergy medicine and I went the whole day yesterday without a head ache!
Hello to everyone and I hope you all have a wonderful sober day!
New Sun, wonderful that you’re getting some allergy relief! It must feel good to be most of the way healed from neck surgery and off steroids too. And...30 days AF this weekend!
Kensho, yes, you were worse off than you were telling yourself, and I also was way worse off than I was telling myself. So your post really hit home. Luckily we both got out before we suffered any more significant outward consequences than the ones we were already having.
LC, that clearing CD sounds like a great way to decompress after work. We need some substitute to having a drink. Like Pav used breathing techniques & escaping into a novel for a bit.
Lav, I might have to take a look at the book that you recommended. Having an unshakable core is probably where it’s at, and I’ve never really had one.
Happy booze-free Friday to all!
Addiction can cause otherwise moral people to become outright liars - to others and most of all to ourselves. I was being torn apart by living a lie. It was when I finally realized I just couldn't do it any longer that I came to MWO, committed myself to telling the truth here, and got the support I needed. I saw that my "fellow-liars" were not bad people nor irreparably broken. Like me, they were decent people who were or had been addicted to alcohol.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slo
The whole time I've been here, I've posted the truth as I understood it. But, like @KENSHO, over time what had really been going on became clearer and clearer. I never intentionally lied but I can now see I wasn't letting myself face or share the actual truth until I was healthy enough to handle what I had been and the price I'd paid. When I see that evolution in others, it makes me feel really good about their chances for success, which I don't think is possible until we're honest with ourselves.
Well, I'm in the allergy/cold/sinus mess that you were in @New Sunrise. I don't like to take drugs but right now I'm taking everything the doctor will give me! So glad I don't have to worry about alcohol interacting with any of them or heaven forbid, not being able to drink!!
Hi, All:
Good reading. When I accepted what a liar I was to myself, I also accepted two things - 1) I had to have someone in my life to whom I would NEVER lie who knew about my issues with alcohol. For me that was my husband and a therapist. 2) I had to suspend disbelief and follow the path of successful sober people. That's where I have MWO to thank - Lav, Byrdie and NoSugar (and JackieClaire, MollyKa, Mick, ETC) lit the path, and others have supported along the way by letting me know their experiences and what worked for them. I had to check my ego at the door and jump in.
Happy SOBER Friday!
xo