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  • Page 7787 of 7800 FirstFirst ... 67877287768777377777778577867787778877897797 ... LastLast
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    Thread: Newbies Nest

    1. #77861
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Thank you wagmor. I appreciate the link you've posted because I'm not sure how to get there otherwise!

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Good evening Nesters,

      Awesome NS & Byrdie

      HHF, youíre doing great & remember it will get much easier. The first 3 days are the toughest!

      G, keep on enjoying yourself

      LC, I hope your trip to AZ is a good one. Getting ready for trips is not fun but once youíre there you can relax a bit. I imagine your girls are excited too.

      Slo, thatís a very sad story about those guys. Life is so precious & can be gone in an instant. My nephew died on the road 16 years ago, he was just a few weeks out of high school.
      Glad you are doing so well!

      Hello to Pav, Wags, Touch, Cowboy & everyone checking in today.
      My grandsons finished up their school year today & will be hanging out with me tomorrow, oh boy!!

      Have a safe night in the nest everyone!
      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Hi everyone,
      Just curious as to your thoughts. I have company coming to stay with me for the next week, (family). The husband doesn't drink and the wife is a normal drinker. She finishes a glass of wine, gets up, rinses her glass in the sink and is done. Imagine that!
      I want her to feel comfortable having a glass of wine while she's here, and I would normally offer her one with dinner. I'm thinking of buying a non-alcoholic bottle of wine for me, just so she doesn't feel bad that I'm opening a bottle just for her. I'd pour the non-AL wine for myself.
      I'm not feeling any pull toward drinking AL since I stopped (just finishing Day 6); it's frankly been a huge mental relief, and other than the 2nd night when I did have a mental battle about not drinking at the nice restaurant, I haven't had any more battles in my mind.
      I have had a thought to have a drink while making dinner, which is when I normally would start, said "I don't drink" to that thought and that's been that. Physically, I'm feeling great and mentally, so grateful to be living without recrimination, rumination and guilt, especially at 3am!
      I'm wondering whether you have done it or read of anyone doing something like that? How did it work out?
      Thank you,
      Touch

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Here's a nice little nugget of advice I read thing morning:

      You are definitely more powerful than you may give yourself credit for. Human beings get stuck in ruts, and sometimes it feels that we can't change something because we've been acting that way so long that it is just part of who we are. You are not anything/behavior that depletes your majesty! If something has been running amok like a wild lion that you feel can't be self-controlled, think again. Every day you have the power to rise up and be excellent. You have the choice to direct your own life or leave it to the shadows. Being strong in the face of your inner beast can feel difficult at first, but with continued positive action the lion is always tamed.

      Make at least three choices today that gives you power over the beast. This will affirm your strength.

      Hope everyone has a decent day!

    6. #77865
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Hi, all:

      BYRDIE AND NOSUGAR!!! I'm so glad you got to meet. This is the RomCom of the Century. How great is that?!?!

      Touch, making dinner was my drinking time also. It was my unwind from work, listen to my podcast and chill alone time. I ended up getting a home carbonator (is that the word?), and I substituted alcohol for non alcohol. I make plain fizzy water and then put a dash of some delicious juice in it. I appreciate the ritual, and I find that now I crave that drink and don't even think about the alcohol. I pay a little more for good juice, which is WAY less than the alcohol I was drinking every day. Of course, it took some getting used to, but not it is a part of my ritual. I even bring my fizzy water to parties because I have found that most people don't supply enough non-alcoholic drinks. I didn't get into the non-alcoholic beer or wine because I was afraid it would remind my brain what I was "missing" too much. I loved the taste of beer, especially on a hot day, but not enough to risk re-activating my cravings.

      I quit on December 2. I told people that I get depressed around Christmas (true), and that I was trying to go without alcohol to see if it made me feel better. I didn't say "I QUIT FOR GOOD," or anything - I was still too mired in shame. A friend of mine told everyone she was on medication. Lav would say don't worry about what others think, and she's right, but I did. You could "forget" to buy wine and say you're not drinking because of X so you forgot (if you want to make sure you don't have it in your house). If she's a "normal" drinker she'll be ok without wine for a night. If she wants some she can buy herself some the next night. Whatever you do, have a plan to avoid it yourself.

      Nar - how did the interview go?

      Happy SOBER Hump Day,
      Pav

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Good Morning All!

      I am so sorry to be radio silent for so many days and did not get to welcome Happy Health and Touch! ! You have found a great place here and so much support. The advice you have been given already has been so great and there is not a lot that I can add to it, but I am proud that you settled in our nest and we are all here for you!

      Happy Health, it is scary when you realize the hold alcohol has on your life, it truly makes your life unmanageable but you are taking that back. It does make life easier to deal with, problems still arise but it is so much easier to deal with them in a calmer and more coherent way. Touch I am glad that you reached out to everyone when things got tough. We many not always be here at the exact time you need us, but we are there in spirit and the tool box is a great place to get some needed strength. Sometimes it just helps to check in here and hold yourself accountable for what you are going through.

      Radio silence...I have had to just get myself together here and take myself down a few notches. I was in a funky mood Sunday and realized that I was just tired. Hubby is away so much and I am okay with that but there is a lot on me at home and I can relax more when he is home. I realized I was so tired when I got off here, sat on the couch with him and woke up 2 hours later. We had a nice Sunday afternoon together and then came Monday. I had a colonoscopy yesterday and could not eat Monday and then spend the night on the most uncomfortable toilet seat ever made. I had no idea. I really had a hard time with the prep and was up till 3 am flushing everything up to my brain out. The doc doesn't do the procedures but once a week and takes the diabetics and elderly first. I had the most miserable day yesterday and my appointment wasn't till 3:45 at which they took me in at 5:00. I was severely dehydrated and had a headache from hell for the whole day. I was not a happy camper and told the doc that this ordeal just got him at least a week in purgatory because it was a pure sin he put me through. He told me fine, as long as I was alright, he would take it and if I decided not to come back and have it again, he would pray for me, bugger.

      I am now part of the 3 year club because he found another good size polyp considering the last was found 5 years ago. I should be fine though they will biopsy it. I think I grow these things faster then my hair. I guess you just have to do what you have to do. I can look forward to this in another 3 years! I am a bit sore today and have to take it easy but fine other than that. I am tired of doctors though. It is a good thing that I have met my stop loss on my insurance because I am tired of paying bills.

      I am doing good otherwise, still drama free around here. I have not been looking for it so I am just waiting for the shoe to fall and it show up again. No drinking thoughts, other than water and my coffee this morning. Wow, I missed it yesterday. Today I will enjoy the day with my hubby and tomorrow he leaves and will miss Father's Day. We will celebrate it this evening.

      I have read such great posts on here this morning! Bryd and No Sug it is awesome that you got to meet like that. I just can't help smiling about it.

      I am so glad everyone is doing well, Lav, we are getting rain now too, I am missing my sunny days. Wags, I am so glad that you did great on your yard sale! My stuff is never that good so I just take it to Goodwill. I hate collecting stuff that I don't use and purge often.

      I hope everyone has a wonderful Sober Wednesday! I do plan on enjoying mine and coming up with tomorrow's plan for when hubby leaves. I still need that plan, it works and I will not mess with what isn't broken!

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Thank you, Pavati,
      I do love sparkling water, but the home carbonator is something I haven't looked into. What brand do you have, and is there anything you especially like about it? It could be a really good idea for me.
      I do have a problem with saying I quit for good at this point, though I'm definitely open to it, if moderation doesn't work for me. I heard something yesterday that I hadn't thought of: Laura on the Home podcast said that when she started moderating her drinking, she didn't have a problem with drinking the way she had before. She kept it moderate, if I understood her correctly, BUT the AV came right back and she started thinking, thinking, thinking about AL and when and how much, etc. If that is the case for me, then moderation isn't for me, either. The thoughts were always much worse than anything else that happened while or after I drank, even the worst hangover. I am one to beat myself up nonstop in shame.
      My company will be here for a week. My wine refrigerator is stocked, my garage refrigerator is stocked with beer and soft drinks, my bar is stocked with every type of hard liquor, yet today, and for the last 6 days, I don't have a fear or longing about drinking.
      We have a family Father's Day get together here that will include 20 people and alcohol and I'm actually excited to host the party sober. I can't even tell you the relief from the feeling that I had to turn to AL before, during, after the party, to be able to cope with all the preparation/serving/clean-up/socializing. That's what I told myself, anyway, that I couldn't do it without drinking.
      Somehow my question about whether or not I will drink feels set in stone: I'm not going to drink. It doesn't feel like will power: it feels like something happened to me without me knowing it. I don't know, and maybe it is the "pink cloud days", as someone described the newness of living without alcohol. I don't feel prideful because it's nothing I did; I just feel grateful that I'm here now, and I thank you all for your part in it.
      If I fall on my face at any point, I will let you all know. I don't feel it's beyond me to fall. I'm just not struggling with AL thoughts after struggling 3/4 of my waking hours for the last, Idk, 15 years? I'm not completely sure when the AV took hold of me.
      We'll see. Thank you for your thoughts, Pavati. Your (and everyone's) input means a lot to me.
      Touch

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      It doesn't feel like will power: it feels like something happened to me without me knowing it. I don't know, and maybe it is the "pink cloud days", as someone described the newness of living without alcohol. I don't feel prideful because it's nothing I did; I just feel grateful that I'm here now, and I thank you all for your part in it.
      @Touch, we all can change our thinking about anything at anytime. Unfortunately, many addicts have to hit an obvious rock bottom (DUI, car crash, end of a relationship, etc.) but in those cases, they often are just DONE. The shock of what happened is so traumatic, their thinking changes immediately and it isn't even a struggle for them not to drink anymore.

      BUT... there is no reason for anyone to wait for a painful bottom. If something doesn't feel good or right, that is a signal we are heading in the wrong direction. I don't think anyone would be here if our drinking wasn't at a minimum causing us some anxiety and worry (and for most of us, much worse!).

      It sounds to me like you see alcohol differently already. That means you are one of the really lucky ones!! I had to make an effort to 'change my brain' by reading here, watching videos, listening to podcasts, etc. I know now that all of that actually wasn't necessary, but it helped.

      I don't think you're living in a pink cloud, I think you are living the life you want and deserve. xx, NS


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      Re: Newbies Nest

      It sounds like the penny has dropped for you, Touch! --That you want to NOT drink more than you want to drink. Your upcoming week sounds very challenging, but hopefully that feeling of “tired of thinking about drinking” will pull you through.

      Juice spritzers with a home carbonater sounds like a very good & creative idea indeed, Pav! It gives you variety.

      Sunshine, thanks for the reminder of why I have thus far opted not to have a colonoscopy! I’d rather take my chances.

      Ava, the story you told a few posts back of being a young teen who had to drive her drunk stepfather home was so sad. I’m sorry you were put in that position. I read a similar story in the newspaper where a mom & stepdad near my hometown got drunk and so had the teen daughter drive them home, and she crashed and killed them.

      I hope the big family reunion in CA goes well for you, LC. Soon you’ll be out of that miserable heat, and into a drier heat in AZ.

      Thinking of you, Narilly, as you ride the interview process.
      Lav, two grandsons out of school: “Oh boy” is right!
      Sorry about the tragedy of your nephew, Lav. Was alcohol involved?

      Hello to all!
      Last edited by Slo; June 12th, 2019 at 03:53 PM.
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      morning nesters

      Welcome Touch and Happy, lovely to have you in the nest and follow your journey.

      Byrd and NS, so glad you got to meet and in an airport, everything happens in an airport. Wish i was there also.

      So much to read back on which will be my priority today. Im sick, feel like i have ingested 100 razor blades and they are all stuck in my throat. I had my work review yesterday and all we managed to talk about was my pay grade. The powers that be say i dont fit the criteria that i want and i told them i will give them 3 months to get the pay grade that i deserve. i train the people that they are giving the pay grade i deserve and yet i dont fit the criteria. Go figure. I was very proud of myself for stating my case, realising that i am worthwhile and i do do an exceptional job after 12 years and that i wont be walked over but treated with respect for what i bring to my job. I have told them if i dont get the grade i should be paid then i will be looking for other work. I didnt walk away wanting to drink AT anyone or smoke AT anyone. NEVER EVER EVER could i have stood up to myself when i was drinking, never would i have been rational and been able to state my case as i did. I would have been filled with anger and resentment. Now the ball is in their court, they have been told of my abilities and what i do, they know what they will lose. I will lose a job i love and people i enjoy working with but i wont be walked over any more. That feels empowering.

      Will post more laters but needed to check in.

      take care xx
      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2018 - 5 years of living life as i should have done all of my life

      Ava is a SHPFFFDU ! (Special, honest, practical, fantastic friend from downunder) - thank you NS

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