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    Thread: Newbies Nest

    1. #79371
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      KENSHO - First and foremost, congrats on 2 stinkin' years!!! I'm really proud of you. Something in you just clicked 2 years ago and your quit took a new path. No more trying to moderate, no more "maybe I'm not so bad..." after a 6- or 9-month quit. Nope, you took the reins and changed course for the better and now you have two years under your belt. Serious congrats to you friend and glad we all get to witness your journey.

      As for the visit with your mountain friends, I agree with LC and others - I'd love to hang out with you and talk about lots of interesting things! I think you're especially aware of how you've changed/grown/moved on because your husband has really not done that at all. I can remember very distinctly being at a backyard BBQ type gathering early in my first quit (the 10+ year one during the 2001-2011ish years). I watched people get stupider and stupider as the evening went on. I think I actually finally went home and left my partner at the time there. That was a long time ago now and I have a totally different circle of friends, relationship, etc. I know you aren't necessarily in a position to change all of that (nor might you want to) but do you socialize at all outside of things you do with your husband? I'm sorry - you've probably described some friendships but I can't recall at this early hour. Regardless, next time you're feeling excluded while standing in a circle of drunk people slurring and repeating yourself, remember you have the entire nest standing next to and behind you

      Shades - I can only imagine how difficult things must be as you grieve your son heading into the holidays. Two broken ankles on top of an already painful and challenging time just seems like too much for one person. Please know we're with you too

      Nursie - awesome job starting your day with yoga! I'm sure you'll become more limber and balanced with practice, while you'll benefit immediately from the "intentional start to the day" aspect of this practice. G-man at least used to do a similar ritual to start his days. G, do you still do your morning speed-yoga?? I'm not sure that's what you call it - I am just thinking you said it was a rather efficient routine.

      Byrdie - I never know what wacky story we're gonna get from your customers or colleagues - they are an, um, entertaining bunch for sure! I hope you're able to laugh sometimes at the absurdity of it all. Enjoy all of your support groups - they sound fabulous!


      Hellos and waves to Pav, Ava, Lav, Belle, Pauly, LC, Nar, and everyone else stopping by the nest today. Hope you all have wonderful days and eves.

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    3. #79372
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Checking in...and echoing everything everyone said to KENSHO about the old drinking friends. Hubs and I don't really have much of a social life, so I don't find myself in those situations often. I'm definitely wittier sober than drunk, so I guess that is in my favor when I am in a social situation. Idk what to tell you...your hubs loves to hang out with them so what to do? Perhaps send him by himself?

      And....HAPPY 2 YEARS KENSHO!! Your hard work shows and you may not always feel it, but you are really blossoming. Love your thoughtful and real posts.

      I'm hanging in on day 4, with life throwing everything it's got to get me off track. Doggy is really sick with a severe UTI and spent one night in doggy hospital and now I am on home nurse duty. I was going to go into work for a couple of hours until she had a massive diarrhea episode. Blech. now I don't feel so good. She is a brat when it comes to taking pills and I had to take her to the vet this morning so the tech could get them down her throat. Even she had a hard time. Tried everything...only thing that worked was brute force pill shooter down the hatch.

      Her days are definitely numbered. We always promised son that we would bring him home if she had to be put down. But it is finals week, so she just has to hang in there till he gets home, and perhaps hopefully recover.

      I need to go out and get some special food, rubber gloves and more pee pads.

      Waves to all you good people and see ya later!
      BelleGirl

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    5. #79373
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Morning nesters

      Happy 2nd birthday Kensho, i hope you have a lovely day. time flies when you are having a life.

      Belle, hang in there, nothing is worth drinking at. I had my mads on probiotics for her gut health and she loved her yakult. Its been 8 months and i still miss her so very much. I am lucky to have carl in my life though. How old is Piper again?

      LC, lovely that you connected with an old friend and a sober one at that.

      Lav, i hope you are enjoying that cold weather, we havent actually had a real summer yet. Not looking forward to the heat as that will mean fires.

      Idaho, i hope your breaks are healing, take care of yourself over this xmas period.

      I am having xmas lunch at my place, have everybody organised with the food and their alcohol, i have my kombucha and lots of water so i am set. My mum may be coming now but i am just going with the flow, its everyones choice on what they want to do. I just want to make it through the day without killing anyone.

      I went into Dan Murphies bottle shop the other day with my son. OMG how much al do they sell these days. I said to him i had to get out of there, it was really overwhelming. we got to the counter and the man asked if i had a rewards card and if i wanted one. i said no, i had to give up drinking 6 years ago due to uncle dans shop and others. My son was just laughing at me and when we left he said, mum do you know they have home deliveries now. FFS why does all the good stuff happen when i stop drinking! I just cannot believe that you are rewarded for drinking and they deliver this crap to your front door. They dont make it easy for anyone to stop drinking now.

      take care xx
      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2019 - 6 years of living the way i should have always done

      Ava is a SHPFFFDU ! (Special, honest, practical, fantastic friend from downunder) - thank you NS

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Belle try wrapping pills in peanut butter or cream cheese. Or boil hamburger then cut pill in half and place in two separate pieces. Even bread soaked in chicken broth wrapped around doggie meds. Make bit size appropriate for the dog breed. It always works ...

      Congrats to you...KENSHO life is a gift.

      My coping mechanism with an adult child with AUD was like a house of cards. For so many years the pressure is so much a part of life so now start learning to apply the hopes and dreams to stay solid and positive.

      Managing one crisis after another for many years, not to pay bail, learned the hard way, 4 the grandkids I have never met except one 10 yrs ago as an infant. Some days are over scheduling doctor appts when heís been mistreated by the police seriously injured who abused when he is out of control. Or a office nurse would call and yell at me for missed appts of his, he is an adult? Or the district attorney another yeller, the whole system treated us like leperís. All the while I am trying to find docs who will treat him with meds to detox him slowly and not just hold him for a month, put him in jail and he had a heart attack not treated ...served 5 years on the county mental health dept. for teens. Then more and more cards will keep come along it never stops. Heís in the hospital on life support and another card a girlfriend issues calling and yelling at me...... another card family fed up with disgustingly cold, mean, and zero support from any family add another card to the house. Twenty five or more years of cards with stacks and stacks of new cards building this house of cards.

      The more cards you stack, the less it takes to upset the balance. I can take a lot because I knew the risks but you get to a point where all it takes is the slightest bump and it all comes crashing down. Thatís usually when you stop and look around and everything seems like a disaster driven by alcohol. As my son puts it over filling a box with springs until it explodes. Fortunately been coping with constant crashes since my son was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.I have to admit that I donít thrive on the pressure emergencies create . If it were up to me, and it never is I could have have been a force to recon with, but no one paid any attention to all my cries for help. So I Joined support groups. The MWO was one of many and the best . There are no judgements or criticisms just hope and positivity. Most of the member may not realize how comforting words have been and this is the best of the worst that has come from many years of coping with my house of cards.
      "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " by Winston Churchill .

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Good evening Nesters,

      Well the 2 day rain has ended & now we’re expecting a little snow in the morning, crazy stuff.

      Shades, I’m so sorry you are dealing with so much. Is there any way you can talk to a counselor or therapist to help you put things into perspective? That would be ideal, really. Family isn’t always helpful, this I know from experience. Do you have a church affliation? Maybe they could provide some support too

      Kensho, CONGRATS to you on your 2 years AF
      It’s quite an accomplishment, be proud & happy too!

      Ava, the family holiday get togethers can be challenging, haha! I’m trying to figure out how to my both of my kids here at the same time without a war starting, ugh.

      Belle, I am sorry about your dog, they are special friends.
      I have lost 2 dogs since I started my quit & I refused to let that throw me off my game. Hang in there & stya close. to the nest. Great on your 4 AF days!!

      Wags, I want to hear a report on the vacuum - worth it or not? Lol

      Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in teh nest for all!

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time

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    11. #79376
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Way to go, Kensho. It keeps getting better and easier. After awhile it doesnít even matter that other people make different choices.

      I bet if we took a poll, a large percentage of us here often have felt outside, different or other. Given that humans are wired for connection, and in fact are connected, even when we canít see and feel it, it probably isnít surprising that it hurts not to feel included. And itís pretty normal to look for something that makes you feel better.

      Johann Hari contends that the opposite of addiction is connection. When I first heard this TED talk a couple years ago, I dismissed it. Iím coming around to believing heís right. Russell Brand and Gabor Mate have similar views and several interesting books and talks about the human condition and addiction. Here they talk to one another.

      That said, it isnít easy to find our tribes. Weíre fortunate to have one here. Iím convinced that it was because I finally let my guard down and allowed people to see my imperfect self than I was finally able to make the connections necessary to escape addiction. I can look back now and see why the shy, reserved NoSugar who revealed no imperfections or insecurities never felt like she belonged. No one knew her.


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    13. #79377
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Checking in before trying to put more pills down my dog's throat. She is a master at finding them in anything and spitting them out.

      Ava...since Piper was a rescue, we are not sure how old she is. On paper she is listed as 11, but I really think her age was underestimated when we got her and she is more like a 13 or 14 yr old dog.

      Shades...thanks for a couple of ideas that I haven't heard before to get pills into Piper. I am finding that I have to keep upping my game as she get's wise to my tactics. Being a pug, she does not have much muzzle to hold open if I try the 'pill shooter' technique.

      And then to see what other adventures call out to me today. Gotta hang in the AF, no matter what, no matter who.

      Friendly waves to all...
      Last edited by BelleGirl; December 11th, 2019 at 09:36 AM.
      BelleGirl

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Hi, All:

      I was out of town at a conference for two days so this is a quick catch up.

      CONGRATULATIONS, Kensho! Two years is amazing! How do you feel? Speech? As for the mountain...

      We have very good friends who are also drinking friends and we travel with them once a year - always a booze fest. I was most worried about that trip when I quit. Well, it WAS awkward the first year - not horrible, but I was nervous, they were nervous, and it just felt weird. Over the years, however, it has all normalized. We get together for hikes, museums and other non-drinking pursuits more, they drink a lot less, and on those trips no one notices who is drinking what. I asked one of the women how she felt about my not drinking and she said that she felt awkward at first, but now doesn't notice it. It turns out they weren't really just drinking friends. Sometimes if they are going for a pub crawl or something I just let my husband go without me - not interesting to me. Or I'll go until the conversations turns slurry and repetitive and then come home. Other friendships have changed or gone away, but good riddance to them, I say. If all we have in common is drinking, we don't have much in common...

      NoSugar! That post got to me. Yes, no one really knew the Pav I was trying to portray either. How could they. I am so much more myself now, and it feels good. I do wish I had figured this all out at a younger age, but so be it. My dad always said you can't regret the past because it got you to where you are now, and that's a pretty good place. I'd have to agree right now.

      Belle - Wow, that is quite a rough place to be right now. Thank goodness you're sober and can deal with it all. Imagine being drunk or hungover and having to deal with that mess... Good luck.

      Mr. G - Hope all is well in your world... You, too, Pauly. Hope all is well with your daughter and her situation.

      Nursie, enjoy yoga! Lav, stay dry. Byrdie, here's hoping for a quick resolution to the insurance question (as if...) Waves to everyone else - Ava, Wags, LC, and whoever else I missed...

      Happy SOBER Hump Day!
      Pav

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      Re: Newbies Nest

      NS - that was a wonderful post - lots of wisdom in just a few short paragraphs. I think people 'not knowing' me was one of the roots of my drinking - I wasn't sure they'd like the real me (and why risk that sort of genuine rejection), so hide behind the version of me that al brought out, or that al excused, etc etc. I think you're right - a lot of us have probably at least had times like that.

      Connection instead of addiction - such a better choice!

      Belle - despite being able to hide a daily pill in food, our pup has one monthly pill she has to take that she must smell hidden in anything and she resolutely refuses to swallow it willingly. What our vet showed me was the same way to start - hide in a small ball of food - but then pop that in her mouth and hold her mouth closed. I don't hold it so tightly as to frighten her, just enough to make it so she can't spit it out. Maybe try that if your dog continues to refuse through other methods? Regardless, I hope she recovers at least long enough for your son to get home, and I send you empathy in advance for the day we all know is coming. On a broader level, you're doing a great job sticking to your quit while life is throwing so much at you. Keep it up!

      Lav - yes, the vacuum works great and actually makes it both an easier and less frequently needed chore. It does an excellent job, is very lightweight, and very maneuverable. I'm sure the "fun" will wear off but for now we're actually enjoying it and given the warranty and the reputation of these machines it should last 15-20 years so also worth the money.


      Hellos and waves to Pav, Nar, Shades, Ava, and everyone else stopping by the nest. Have great days and eves!

    16. #79380
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      Re: Newbies Nest

      Thank you all for reminding me that you are my tribe. Very helpful comments.

      Belle, hang in there. Pet stress is a challenge! Remember to breathe! Preferably away from the poop. Find any humor in your day if you possibly can!

      AVA, hope your lunch goes well. I have been enjoying Kombucha again. Certain kinds agree with me, and I love the flavor. You crack me up with Uncle Dan.

      Shades, I hope your cards continue to grow solid foundations so they are strong and sturdy. Not drinking does that even when feeling shaky. We appreciate you and are here for you!

      NS, thank you for the thoughts on connection. I have found that to be true, but forget often! Connection makes it all bearable and worthwhile. I have been having more lunches with my still-healthy parents, and meeting with friends. I am trying to give more quality time with my kids, and I know it means the world to them if I just stop and listen. It is a byproduct of not drinking I think, to be more comfortable revealing ourselves (because we don’t dislike ourselves so much maybe?).

      The few people I mentioned my 2 year birthday to were very, very supportive. Laying in bed last night, I mentioned it to my husband. He said, “awesome job!”. We talked a little. I mentioned that it has been the best decision I have ever made, and is entirely positive except for the fact that he still wishes I drank. He said, “No, that’s really awesome, and I’m proud of you.” I know he said that because I told him it hurt my feelings that he didn’t seem supportive on my first b-day, but it’s a step in the right direction. He asked if I crave it, and I said, “No, not really. I sometimes want to escape, but have found other coping mechanisms for all my triggers, and it’s automatic now.” I didn’t make a huge, mushy deal out of it, as I don’t look to him for support on this topic. But I think my words and actions convey that I feel confident about my decision and am happier and healthier for it.

      I don’t have a speech. All I can say is that my drinking was troubling me greatly, and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t keep promises to myself or others regarding drinking, I drank mostly alone, I obsessed about how and when I could drink again, and I felt like an empty merry-go-round. I tried to quit. I tried to moderate. Several times. I tried to drink only once per month, then once per week, then every other day. I tried to “cure” myself. I tried to view alcohol differently. Good LORD, I tried and tried and tried. Once I realized that drinking would never be different for me, I stopped and that is when I gained everything I ever wanted in life. Most importantly, myself. I decided what kind of life I wanted and have made big steps toward that in my career, as a parent, with health, and with friendships. My relationship with my husband is less volatile, more mature and frankly, more fun. I am happy. I was not happy when I was drinking. That is all I need to know to keep sober. So when you’ve finally had enough of the merry-go-round, take a deep breath and begin living without alcohol. You don’t need it, you only think you do. But little by little, you will learn to do other things when triggers hit - and they are much, much more effective than drinking ever was.
      Kensho

      Done. Moving on to life.

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