Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

I just read your post, Kensho. The “knowingly” part is key. If we knowingly drink, we clearly have changed how we think about alcohol. Once that happens, things could go either way, depending on whether we get ourselves back on the path we want. That is why I said I hoped Battle didn’t take a break. Now is the best time to get their head back to where it was last week.

[KENSHO]

Feeling a bit low. Not wanting to drink (though it crossed my mind), but wanting anything to make me feel better. I usually login to my psychics to "get a fix". What they would say: "It will pass". "You will get a handle on it all in a week or so". "It's just a phase, you always get your stuff done". UG. Feeling behind, defeated, unkept, inept, overwhelmed and generally just down. SO I'm going to keep checking things off the list, even though it may not be as much as desired. And it WILL get done. The worst that can happen is that I get fired, and look silly for a couple months. SO, it's not that bad. Trying to keep perspective.

I know I don't make a habit of logging in to vent, but not having my "other" coping mechanism is feeling hard right now. So I'm going to be real. And it's amazing how similar these addictions feel. Thanks for listening.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

I agree! What they don’t know, Mulberry, is that to have successfully quit (i.e. not a dry drunk), by definition our thinking about drinking had to have changed. I inadvertently consumed red wine one time and initially felt worried about whether I’d be plagued with cravings the next day but of course I wasn’t. I didn’t want to drink and mostly I was annoyed that I hadn’t been more vigilant. There was nothing to “crave”. Once we make it through the period of physical dependency, this is a head game. Hanging out here can help us keep our heads in the right place.

Please don’t drift away, Battle. I think that crisis points are when we most need support

Typical me - be interested to see if the media I'm looking at for my project on representation of addiction in media perpetuates the idea you and Mulburry are talking about, I'd be willing to bet it would, would be interesting for me to see if any journals have actually had this discussion as well. Yeah I'm depressed (in case anyone's wondering the funding I didn't get was worth three years on living wage plus my tuition fees. I blew a chance at over £70,000 - the only source of funding available to me outside student loans which barely cover tuition and a couple months expenses a year, if I'm lucky) but I'm still a student.

[Lavande]

Greetings Nesters,

Not feeling 100% today but keeping my fingers crossed it’s not Covid. Husband tested + on Monday but he’s starting to feel better. Hopefully that last booster I got back in September does it’s work.

Battle, sorry about your funding, that’s harsh news. Hang in there & I hope something else opens up for you. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

Kensho, these low moments happen to all of us because we are human. You have lots of tools that have helped you before & more in the tool box. I realized a long time ago that falling into the feeling sorry for myself mode was very dangerous. Keep your thoughts present, stop the worries & what if’s from ruining your mood. You have been very successful & yo will be again

Hello to all & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
Lav

[NoSugar]

Kensho, Venting here is much better than drinking or drugging or any other addictive activity! Plus, hopefully you feel like you’re talking to friends, even if not in real time. The good thing is, things will look different sooner than you expect. Hopefully tomorrow you’ll look back at today and wonder why on earth you were being so hard on yourself

I sure hope you manage to escape Covid, Lav, and if it does catch you, you recover quickly and completely. It’s good news that your husband is doing so well!

That is really disappointing about the grant, Battle. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Maybe another funding source will become available - and you’ll be ready to go for it!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hi y'all. Tried to quote and then gave it up.

This is a nest for newbies, right? And I'm no newbie. But it feels safe here. To talk about the things we struggle with, regardless of what they are. And I know for sure, since I'm not a newbie, that it's incredibly difficult to post about stuff that makes us incredibly uncomfortable. As an example, I started to post on a different thread about how freeing it was to admit about my addiction to online poker, and I couldn't admit it there. On my own thread!!

Here's another thing. The way some of you talk about being free from the compulsion of alcoholism is profound and what I found from taking baclofen. I took it for granted. I stopped taking baclofen, and the compulsion returned... I've never really related to the people in this thread who found freedom without medication. But I'm so grateful to hear your stories, and return to your previous posts over the years.

Battle, I hope you'll keep posting. I'm hoping that by doing it myself, I'll find the freedom the others have found...

Kensho, your last post is the one I most wanted to quote. I'm pretty attached to my hair. Like, it sorta defines me in a way I'm not comfortable with, in some ways. If people admire it, I'm self-conscious. If people don't admire it, I'm annoyed. (insert appropriate embarrassment emoji here). I've been seeing the same stylist for more than a decade now, and he just doesn't give a hoot about making my 'do the right way anymore. And he costs a fortune. In his defense, I haven't cared about my looks in way too long. But I haven't gotten my hair cut in a long time because...why bother. And also, if he's not going to do it right, I'm not going to pay him to do it, when he doesn't really care about it either. I guess the point is, that the discomfort you're feeling, I can relate. We're in very different places, and very different phases, but I'm so grateful that you're posting about what you're going through.

And also for the profound wisdom on here. Thank you all for continuing to share.

[wagmor]

Kensho - absolutely, support without judgment is all yours (same for everyone else too!). Sounds like you're really struggling and yet here you are being honest and continuing to tick things off your list. We might not be psychics here, but we can for sure tell you "It will pass" (it always does, even if we aren't controlling the pace). Take it one day, one hour, one task or step in a task at a time. I'm sorry to hear about your hair. I'm sure that feels worse when you're already down. I used to have super easy "wash n wear" hair that I could cut by myself in a pinch and it would still look pretty good. As my hair has turned increasingly gray over the past several years, it has decided it has a mind of its own. It has been interesting to come to terms with how much of my identity and self-image was tied to hair I never thought much about. I know it's not the same as you're describing, but I guess I wanted to express that I get how it's not "just hair". Sounds like Neva Eva can relate as well. Sending you hugs

Battle - that's such a bummer about your funding and it sounds like a really rough loss. Please don't let it derail you. Giving up drinking doesn't make life easier (you know that) but drinking DOES make life harder (you know that too). Any reprieve or relief al tries to claim is a lie. Now is when you really show up for yourself.

Neva - this nest is amazing isn't it? I feel like it's my very best online community (I'm only in a few but this one is tops).

Hellos and waves to NS, Lav, G, Ava, Steady, Slo, (Belle? LC? we miss you and hope you're doing well!)

[NoSugar]

Ne, I switch stylists each time I sense that mine has slipped into mindlessly doing the same thing over and over. I have thick, curly hair that has to be cut dry and not combed or brushed. It behaves differently depending on humidity so a winter cut doesn’t work in summer. The guy I’m currently with seems to “get it”. I’m really hoping he doesn’t retire anytime soon!

[KENSHO]

I'm not southern, but Y'ALL are great. Thank you.

Today is feeling much better. I've made some progress, and feel less overwhelmed. AND THE SUN IS SHINING! I have to remember that every February, I feel a bit low. I'm used to the occasional low vibe, but it's been a hard couple weeks. Thank you all for your kindness and support!!

Wags - hair is hair, but it feels really good to present how we identify ourselves. Like the clothes we choose.

Tuesday, I'm going in for a "hair fix" or at least for them to show me how they propose I style this monstrosity. And I should complete my billing this weekend. So there is reason to celebrate. My husband has been feeling high anxiety and stress as well - so I am proposing we have breakfast for dinner and watch a movie - comfort.

NS, I do consider you all friends and appreciate you very much. How is retirement going?

LAV, hope you're doing ok. Sending healthy vibes your way.

Neva, some of us aren't newbies any more, but we sure welcome old and new or just new to the nest. It is a safe place to land. I think that the compulsion to drink fades with time, but also with finding replacements to it. Filling the holes that drinking left - and just being willing to feel terrible at times and let it pass - allowed me to see alcohol for what it was - a sickening bandaid. It actually caused me to feel so much worse than the things I actually had to deal with. I tried Naltrexone at one point, but it just made me feel numb. It wasn't a fit for me, but I know meds can be really helpful for some people.

Battle, I'm sorry you didn't get your funding. What are you studying? You seem pretty bright. I firmly believe that there are multiple roads we can take to the same destination. You will find your way.

G - where you at - our resident Nest Guru? How are the Eastern studies going?

[available]

Morning nesters

Kensho, i hope they fix your hair. i havent had a cut for over a year and my daughter is a hair dresser! She is though coming over tonight for our family video viewing of past years so i am hopeful, if not it will stay in a pony tail or bun. I have lost most motivation for work atm, the new PA is brilliant but i still have a high workload and i have told my boss i want a better work/life balance, i'm 59 this year and i want to be one of those public servants that just turn up for work, gets paid and goes home and looks busy, ha ha.

Have mum down for the weekend so a house full of dogs again, my Gucci who has cancer is deteriorating and after visiting the vets the other day she doesnt think she has long, so its just pain relief and love really. Carl is getting on with crate life but i can now take him for wee walks for 10 minutes so will start walking him up the end of the street and back.

Battle sorry to hear you didnt get your grant and relapsed. life sux sometimes and you think you will never get ahead but you will. Navigating sober is hard, doing lifey stuff is hard but at some stage it becomes doable.

neva, i love the nest, its my safe place and where i can download without worrying that i will be judged. I used to love online poker, was crap at it also but was just mind numbing at the end of the day, played online pokies but now just play my candy crush. i dont really have much time now for some reason to do much other than work and dogs.

Going to enjoy my cuppa and then get ready for the feeding frenzy and take mum out for a coffee and wander. My daughter moves back home in a couple of weeks, i dont feel my happiness level is at an all time high but it is what it is.

Glad to see everyone is doing well. take care xx