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  1. #1
    Registered User.

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    22nd June, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    hi all-

    i first want to thank you all for your bravery in sharing your stories and offering such a support network. i have been reading the post over the past few days and feel like i have found the right "support" for me. i am a very private person but know that i have to tell my story and become part of the community. binge no more thank you for your voice and no you are not alone! i am 36 and although our story may not be the same our demons seem to be well in sycnc. so here goes:

    no surprise i have a vast history of alcoholism and an assorment of other pleasant disorders which are experienced on both sides of my family - from this denial was one of my first life lessons and allowed me to continue to abuse myself and those around me for many, too many, years.

    i started drinking when i was 12 or 13 and have engaged in very serious drinking and drug activity since then. my longest time sober was the 9 months that i carried my one and only son (who is now 4 and by far my greatest inspiration for stopping this disease in its tracks!) in my teens and early twenties i spent a great deal of my free time getting wasted under the pretense of "partying" easy to do if you now how to make the right friends.... birds of a feather.... since having my son i have been binge drinking anywhere from 2-3 times per month and gaining momentum over the past 6-months. binging for me means, starting off with the best intentions and then proceeding to drink myself into a coma, miss whatever responsibility i have the next day, start all the stories about the prior night with supposedly I _________, beg for everyone's forgiveness, promise everyone around me and myself never again and then wait a few weeks for my next opportunity to blow it. i have never been one to drink alone or even have a drink at home (assuming i do not go home already black out drunk - then all bets are off). i have been able to keep this life style up by once again finding a group of others like myself who have the wonderful abiltiy to deny, deflect and make counter accusations. this is my joke and has gotten me out of a lot of trouble - well until lately.

    why i am here. i am scared to death of my self and my complete lack of control over alcohol. it plain and simple has caught up with me and i am done. i am becoming more and more dependent on these "parties" and am now on the radar of my company. i had two client dinners last week in which i complelety and unabashedly made a complete ass of myself and god only knows how much i must have embarrased everyone around me. not that this was the first or second time but it has happened so many times that despite my tenure and executive position within the firm it can not happen again. of course there is also my family who is at their wits end and as i mentioned my son who will need all the help i can give to make sure he does not fall into the mind set it is just a party, no big deal....

    i finally told my shrink last Friday after 6-months that i am an alcoholic - he seemed surprised and said you know that is my specialty - i said yes i know that is why i chose you i was just hoping it was something else in my life that created this problem with my drinikng and i wanted to to explore alternative options before i finally admitted to myself and certainly anyone else that i can't drink and no moderation is not an option for me.

    he gave me campral which seems to be working and i now have 4 1/2 days AF. i plan to hang in here and for anyone who has read this far, thank you.

  2. #2
    Registered User. Liath's Avatar

    Join Date;
    5th February, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    i am like you. I have that group of friends that actively binge and justify it all. If I go out on a Sunday I will just keep going until drunks. Then I have trouble dealing with work the next day. Best of intentions but it never works out. Also told my shrink but not taking anything accept supps and getting acupuncture.

    I know I have to avoid these people because I fall into the same old patterns. Thats why this site is so great. Keeps us out of trouble. Welcome!

  3. #3
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    22nd June, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    thank you. this will be certainly be a challenge so many of drinking mates are also co-workers. i have to do this for myself and my family. i do have friends who do not live this way and for that i am grateful - now to acutally spend time with them:} i am blaming no one but myself here, it is simply a fact of my addiction that will make it slightly more challenging to avoid triggers.

  4. #4
    Registered User. Liath's Avatar

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    5th February, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    I wish you the best of luck. We just have to find a way to stop. I dont want to feel like this again. Tired of the excuses. I will feel better tomorrow I am sure. Day 1 is hard.

  5. #5
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    23rd February, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    Loopy, I am like you. Im a little older but i too got put on the radar for my company because of my drunkeness in front of very large vendors ( i am the client which put them in a very awkward position). im still trying to get a handle on it but find myself more in control than out of control which is good news. You will love this site and all the support you get here. We all care. Keep reading and posting.

  6. #6
    Registered User.

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    19th May, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    I'm on day two Liath and it does get easier. My head already feels much clearer and my mood seems more stable. I too am sick and tired of feeling hungover, depressed, lost and confused. Tired of all my excuses and letting my loved ones down. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I'm also surrounded by alcoholic bingers like myself. I'm in the military and drinking is all these guys want to do it seems. I know I can make it this time. This site really helps a lot too! Thank you all and best of luck.

  7. #7
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    22nd June, 2009.
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    just joining / my story

    you guys are great and i am happy to have you all to lean on - i will certainly stay in close touch with the site. for those of you who are having a hard time at this very moment - hang in there the alternative as we all know is likely much more painful. i am exhausted from the lies, shame, guilt... all of it! if it physically hurts to restrain the campral really does seem to help. i was at the early stage of really feeling like i had to have a drink - it rises up through my stomach into my brain and then come hell or highwater i was on the path to destruction, with the campral it is just a complete mental obsession right now i am still early in my "pattern" so i know my true test lies in the weeks ahead. also, anyone try the hynosis (SP) tapes?

  8. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

    Join Date;
    12th October, 2008.
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    Oceania.
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    just joining / my story

    Hiya Loopy,
    I am a musician, and my workplace is a bar! I had to avoid my drinking friends and parties, pubs, and couldn't face any social events really, until i was strong again. This can take awhile, of course, but if you have to spend the initial evenings/weeks/couple of months, just with your son and a cup of tea, well, that's not too bad really in the whole scheme of things, is it?
    Look into your son's eyes. What an inspiration indeed, but do this for you, first and foremost, then magic follow's, and surrounds. Good job on 4.5 days!. Go for it!............................G.

  9. #9
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

    Join Date;
    12th October, 2008.
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    just joining / my story

    p.s. I haven't tried the hypnosis tapes myself, but a couple of other's here say they help. Anyway, use whatever works. Do whatever it takes, or the next binge could be your last.
    Best wishes.......

  10. #10
    Registered User. veritas's Avatar

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    12th December, 2008.
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    just joining / my story

    Welcome Loopy, I hope that you find the support and inspiration you need here. You sound sincere and we all know how we start the day with good intentions and end the day hating ourselves.
    Well done on your decision.

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