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  1. #1
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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Once again, today is Day 1 for me. My mother passed away 1 month ago last night. She had pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed 3 months ago and slipped away very quickly. There is a sense of relief, as I was the only child who took care of her on a daily basis. I'm writing to admit that I drank non-stop for 4 weeks. I drank because I was sad, but again, I drank because I was releived. What sticks out in my mind these past 4 weeks is my "bottle hiding". I would hide bottles of wine in my closets, bathroom, basement, etc... I would then gather my bottles every couple of days and dispose of them at WAWA, Burger King, WalMart, etc.... I can't tell you how much Absolute and Cabaranet I drank. But I'm going to venture, at least 25 bottles worth. The only reason why I didn't drink today is because my husband caught me drunk last night. Ofcourse my day today has been spent crying and shaking like a leaf. At one point in time, I thought I was suicidal, as I can't stand living this way. I left a message for my therapist and will beging therapy ONCE AGAIN. Also, I plan on going back to AA. I have issues. That's for sure. I also lack spirituality. I have intense guilt for hurting my husband and family. My Alcoholism is out in the open. How can people (neighbors, in-laws), not know? I pray I can make a sober life for myself this time around. This disease of alcoholism is killing me, yet I have so much to live for. I pray I can reedeem myself and feel pride again. Thank you for letting me share. - Reenie

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Hi Reenie,
    So sorry for you loss. It must be an awful time for you.
    In the UK there's a phone number you can ring who will put you in touch with your nearest AA. Someone will normally call you back within minutes.

    Perhaps there's the same in your Yellow Pages.

    I hope some can drop by with a number for you. Take care, honey.

    J x

    :l

  3. #3
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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Hi reenie and welcome back. I'm glad you want to get back on track. You'll feel so much better when your system stabilizes. You know to eat well and drinks lots of water and take supplements, right? You will find your spirituality too. It's there waiting for you. :l

    When I called the AA number in the yellow pages of my local phone book, I spoke to a gentleman who was very helpful. He told me what the different kinds of meetings were and described groups to me and made suggestions for what he thought would be a good fit for me. Stay strong!

  4. #4
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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Hey Reenie, the day after a drunk is always a time of remorse and feeling really sick in every way. It is hard after you watch someone you love die. My mom died five years ago from cancer and that is when I started to really drink heavily. It went on for a while. It was a bad way to deal with the pain, grief, loss.

    You are strong to go back to your therapist, AA, and make things right with your husband and kids. You can do this, we are all here for you. Keep posting, ask for what you need, we will do what we can. You posted whatyou need to do, you are ready this time around. Sending you strength and hope.

  5. #5
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    So sorry for your loss Reenie.
    Losing my Mom was the hardest thing fo me too. It really changes you!

    I'm glad you are back for support. Please drop in the "newbies Nest' thread, we will help you any way we can.

    You are in my thoughts, be well.

    Lav

  6. #6
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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    During the process of loosing my mother, I experienced a lot of difficulty. I know in my heart she is proud of me now.

  7. #7
    Registered User. Marshy's Avatar

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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Hi Reenie,

    Sorry to hear about your loss.
    So, where to go from here?
    I wonder if it would help to sit down and list the things that have helped you stay sober in the past and put your energy into those.

    1. X
    2. Y
    3. Z

    You've mentioned AA and therapy as two areas you want to return to, and maybe there are others.

    And then a list of the things you haven't yet tried which you know have helped other people.

    1. X
    2. Y
    3. Z

    This is a list of new things to try to add to your sources of strength - and add a bit of renewed interest - I know that fighting can get really boring sometimes and it helps to have something new to focus on.

    I had a quick look at some of your previous posts and I notice that you don't come here very often. Maybe that could be your first new tool? Have you thought about joining one of the daily threads? I find it helps to check in regularly to keep myself accountable and call out for support if I need it. You'd be very welcome on the daily thread in monthly abs (or, indeed, any of the other daily threads!).

    Hope to see you around much more!

  8. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Hi Reenie,
    It's a hard road isn't it? I think it's amazing you are wanting to get your life back right now, and you are on day 1 with a plan. Getting together a really solid plan is a good idea, i think. Have a read of the 'Toolbox' thread in monthly abstinence section. Lot's of great tip's and idea's there to help you in the early day's.

    Best wishes, give yourself time, and get some support. And take care of you.

  9. #9
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    Confessions Coming Off A 1 Month Binge

    Thanks for your support and advice all. You are right.... I need to put together a plan and follow it. The plan will include AA 3x's a week, MWO daily, healthy eating, journaling, the gym 3x's week, therapy 1 a week, and some form of renewed interest...

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