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Thread: new newbie

  1. #1
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    new newbie

    Just found the site today

    Been struggling with this one for a while now - the alcohol is gradually taking over my life
    And until very recently - no-one but me was aware of it.
    I always drink in secret - after my wife has gone to bed
    1-2 bottles of (usually white wine) a night/ usually at least 4 nights a week
    I would call myself a functionning alcoholic . I work at a high level in healthcare - and am ashamed that I daily councel patients with alcohol problems than myself.
    I even would moderate my drinking to a very slow glass in front of friends - just to doubly make sure noone would ever suspect i have a problem.
    Of course I have been hiding the evidence - unused bottles were kept chilled in garage. Used ones in my car - always to be left at bottle bank next day..... This was important as by getting rid of the evidence it would almost be like convincing myself that it never happened...
    But it was happening/ and is happening - night after night
    Unfortunately, I will never be the AA meeting type.
    I doubt if I will even admit to my wife the extent of my problem - althoughI have great respect for honesty. I am aware of her fears about other family members drinking - and I do not think that she could cope with this sort of news. I am resigned to trying to do this quietly and by myself
    I was prompted by 2 friends who called unexpectantly at house and found me quite extrodinarly drunk on my own. I could hardly stand - and was meant to be looking after our child on my own that night.
    That was only 48 hours ago... I know hardly enough time for that alcohol to leave my system. But this is different - I have never admitted even to myself before the extent of my drinking.
    As we would occasionally drink together - I have informed her of my decision to abstain for a few months - to get 'fitter' .
    I post here - in the hope that my soberity might continue - and that i might occasionally look to this online community for a little help in those darkest of hours.

    Thanks again to all. Malmal

  2. #2
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    new newbie

    Hi Malmal

    It sometimes takes something shaming to get us to admit we have a problem. Good on you for taking that first step.
    Just one thing, though - I wouldn't bank on your drinking being a total secret. Your wife probably has some idea.

    There are a few of us working in the health system, which does increase the guilt factor, but you are seeking help now so don't beat yourself up. One day you will probably be in a better position to be able to help people with alcohol problems, but there's a bit of work to be done first. The good thing about this site is that you realise that a lot of people are high functioning alcoholics holding down responsible jobs (which means you can't fool yourself that you don't really have a problem), a lot are parents and ordinary people from all walks of life.

    Feel free to open up, ask questions and read other's experiences. We've all tried and failed a few times and are at different stages of our journey, but I think most of us are glad to have found the support on this site. Read the information on here, read the book and have a look at the tools suggested

  3. #3
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    new newbie

    malmal. Many of us have a really bad experience that forces us to finally see the truth. And it's the raw truth about my own alcoholism that finally set me free. There are lots of people here on this site discussion a wid variety of ways to get sober. I think it's a good starting point to download the My Way Out book and see what you think of the program this site was founded upon. It is the My Way Out program as written - with the exception of prescription meds - that gave me my foundation for sobriety. I have since added other elements, but the My Way Out program is such a good starting point IMO.

    Strength and hope to you,

    DG

  4. #4
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    new newbie

    Hi Malmal, and welcome. It is great that you realise that it is time to examine your drinking, and your life. Taking some time off from drinking is really a great idea. You can explore your options later, in terms of abstinance, moderation etc.

    For now, try to add your sober days up, one at a time. Perhaps set a clear goal. You mentioned a few months, is that what you are thinking? From my experience, it does take at least a month for the body to go through the early withdrawal issues, and getting used to living without the poison each day. At this point, you may find much more perspective on things.

    You can do it. Fight the battle. We are here for you. Read and write lots, there are many caring people who are here to help. Hang in there,
    Hill

  5. #5
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

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    new newbie

    Hi malmal,

    Welcome to MWO!
    You've made a great decision to quit drinking & take back control of your life. White wine was my poison of choice too.

    Take a look in the http://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for good ideas to help you make your plan. It really helped me out a lot.

    Wishing you the best on your journey, please stay in touch

    Lav

  6. #6
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    new newbie

    Malmal!

    You have indeed found a wonderful place to help you deal with your decision to make a change in your life. You will find many many stories just like yours - believe me you are not alone. Let us help you - my advice would be to try to remain AF for 30 days and then see how you feel. It may not be the easiest thing you've ever done but from one who's been there, you will not believe how much better you feel physically, mentally, and for me, spiritually. L-glutamine really helped me the first couple of weeks with the cravings. Sleep may not be easy in the beginning as well.

    Hope to see a lot of you around - hugs to you!

    :l

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