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  1. #1
    Registered User. TheDudeAbides's Avatar

    Join Date;
    25th July, 2011.
    Posts;
    31.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    :new:

    Hello everyone. I'm 37 years old, and for almost all of the past 19 years, I have drank with a zeal and dedication that can only be described as religious.

    I have watched, slowly and steadily, how it has made me a liar and a loner. I watched it destroy my first marriage. I have found myself in more perilous and dangerous situations than I care to recount, all in the name of continuing to drink at any and all costs.

    Yesterday, I left my beautiful wife and 24 day old son, my first child, and drove straight to the liquor store. I bought a bottle of vodka and drove to the cemetery. I started drinking it and that is the last thing I remember. I drove home three hours later, per my wife. I have no recollection of this.

    There was no trigger, no event. It's what I do. Massive cravings interpreted as commands.

    Many of you may be familiar with my progression in your own lives. "I only drink on the weekend, so no big deal." That didn't last long. "I don't drink before 5PM (Then noon)." Crossed that line years ago. "Well, I never drink and drive." That was one of the last to fall. "Well, I never drink and drive with anyone else in the car." As if that somehow earns me an iota of good behavior credit, especially with fellow motorists and pedestrians.

    Over time, alcohol has eroded my values and integrity to such a degree that I did not care if I was arrested because of my drinking. Or so I think; I've never been arrested. But my behavior is careening wildly out of control, and so much so that an arrest will be a best case scenario if I don't get right.

    I am a father now. The most terrifying thing about that is that it means I no longer have the option to kill myself. I'm here for the duration, and in order to be the great dad (and at least serviceable spouse) I know I can be, I simply must stop drinking. It's the whole ballgame for me.

    Stop drinking, save my life. Stop drinking, save my son. Keep drinking, watch as misery and horror unfold that I even now, after all this time, can not fathom. I am on the razor's edge of drinking introducing irreversible tragedy to my life. Easily could have happened yesterday.

    I've been through rehab and I stayed sober one year. It was the best year of my life. It ended about two and a half years ago.

    Stakes is high, higher than they've ever been. Now's the time to become who I am: a thoughtful, kind, sober adult. I salute all of you who have chosen to walk this path before me. I will benefit from your experience.

    So hello, everyone. Today, July 25, 2011, my 2nd wedding anniversary, is my first day sober.

    Alex

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

    Join Date;
    5th September, 2008.
    Location;
    England.
    Posts;
    37,507.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Alex,

    I'm not going to overload you with information at the moment. Just wanted to say hello and welcome and so glad you found us.

    Believe me when I say that there is not one of us here who hasn't walked in your shoes at one time or another.

    Have a read through the tool box link below, it has been a massive help to me through difficult times.

    http://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

    Keep reading, keep posting and most of all never give up trying.


    Oh and congratulations on the birth of your son.

    J x
    :l

  3. #3
    Registered User. Bruunhilde's Avatar

    Join Date;
    26th July, 2010.
    Posts;
    2,526.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Welcome Alex, MWO is a great place to land at this exact time in your life. I am thankful you're here, your son is beautiful. Your wife will be so happy and your son will grow up strong and well loved. You will succeed at this!!! I never wanted to stop drinking until I was sober, then I realized how much better I feel and happier I am. And what a better person I am becoming over time. The best thing for me to do is NEVER give myself the choice, and to stop any drinking thinking as soon as I realize I'm doing it. Choose your family. You are doing the right thing. Keep telling your story as it unfolds here! We all want to help you do this.

    B

  4. #4
    Registered User. mario's Avatar

    Join Date;
    24th February, 2009.
    Posts;
    19,496.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Just like to say welcome to mwo alex, You have come to a great community where we can all relate to what your going through so your not alone,Give yourself a chance and you have done it before you can do it again. :-)

  5. #5
    Registered User. FlyAway's Avatar

    Join Date;
    17th July, 2011.
    Posts;
    2,513.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Dude.

    Make it through this one day and know that this is a process. The cravings and voice that will be talking to you and justifying drinking is a part of the process. You have to hear the voice and ignore the voice. Know that it's a liar. And know that working through the pain is worth it and will get you to pleasure. Every day you will become stronger and the voice weaker. But just worry about today for now. This one day can be your anniversary gift to your wife.

  6. #6
    Registered User. TheDudeAbides's Avatar

    Join Date;
    25th July, 2011.
    Posts;
    31.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Thank you all, so much. It makes all the difference to be amongst people who understand how you can want sobriety more than anything else in the world, and then act in ways that directly and repeatedly contradict that want. To take a front row seat to your own life and look on in dismay and disgust as your addiction plays the lead role.

    It's an amazing thing: I can everything in my life, everything in the world. Or I can have alcohol and nothing else. That I have chosen the latter path, now nearing its inevitable conclusion should I remain on it, is mindboggling and speaks to the power of alcoholism. So seductive and so invasive, until it has consumed everything else.

    The toolbox is great, and I'm finding a great deal of helpful material leafing through the message boards.

    I'm very happy, very lucky and humbly grateful to be here.

  7. #7
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    7th April, 2011.
    Posts;
    123.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    I really know where you are coming from for me its Day One again after having a binge last night. I hate myself at the moment. I get so pissed off with myself, yesterday I felt great, went for a huge run in the morning and then sat down last night and plowed my way through two bottles of wine! It is happening once too often and while at the moment I'm really healthy and fit - if I dont get this under control I'll end up sick. I gave up smoking 5 years ago, god know why I find this so hard~!
    So once again - here I am back at day one and really angry at myself once again.

  8. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Lavande's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th February, 2009.
    Posts;
    21,874.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Hello Alex & welcome to MWO, glad you found us!

    Congrats on your new son & on your decision to take control of your life now.
    That little boy will grow to love his strong, healthy Dad ~ don't disappoint him or yourself!

    Be sure to read the MWO Book, you can download it from the Health Store here on the site. Then make yourself a good plan. Stay close to the threads, check in every day, I still do

    Wishing you the very best!

    Lav

  9. #9
    Registered User. Mia's Avatar

    Join Date;
    7th April, 2008.
    Posts;
    439.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    WELCOME ALEX

  10. #10
    Registered User. nicelife's Avatar

    Join Date;
    8th February, 2011.
    Posts;
    2,555.

    My son is 24 days old. It's time.

    Welcome Alex!! This is serious stuff and certainly a serious time in your lives. It isn't always easy, it does get easier with time but it is something we have to work at all the time. This beast is tricky, all consuming and downright dangerous. I wish you all the strength, peace and care as you begin, then travel through your journey. One thing I do know for sure, the effort we put into staying sober is sooooo worth it. Hugs, Amanda.

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