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  1. #1
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    Lying to ourselves!

    I have treks to abstain from al a few times now. And tonight was thinking about how on valentines night I had bought champagne and wine to celebrate with my husband.

    Really I wanted an excuse to drink.. And my husband was drinking quiet slowly in the living room while I was cooking in the kitchen. And I found myself topping mine up when he wasn't looking , then taking gulps so he wouldn't know I was topping up .
    And I knew this wasn't a good sign , but off course I ignored it.

    I have noticed in the last year I drink so so fast!

    Anyhow my point is that if I'm to stay AL free this time I need to be honest, brutally honest and that is with myself.
    If I tell myself I want to quit but ignore the problem, then it is so much easier when Al brain tries to tempt me.

    Just ranting away, thinking out loud really!

  2. #2
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    Lying to ourselves!

    I guess my "acting" idea didn't inspire you too much. It's been less than 24 hours.

    Non drinkers don't tell themselves they want to quit and they don't have to think about being brutally honest. They just make sure sobriety is the only option and they move forward.

    Focus on sobriety and why you love it, nothing more.

  3. #3
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    Lying to ourselves!

    Oh you sound so much like me. My husband is a 12 pack of beer a year drinker. I hate that about him. LOL

    My 1st drink of the night would be a little rum and alot of diet coke. This would come after I had called my Mom and my Sister to talk, but actually it was to make sure they were okay and they wouldn't need me during the night. Stupid I know! I would drink this one slow because my husband was usually still awake and I wanted him to think I was a very social drinker. Oh and I had to use a straw to drink my drink.

    My 2nd and 3rd drink would be more rum and I would drink them faster. By this time my husband would usually go to bed. I would tell him I would be up in a little while to go to bed.

    4th-10th drink of the night. I don't know how much rum I put in the glass. I would chug them down until I hardly could walk up the stairs to go to bed.

    The next day I would feel so stupid and bad. I promised myself I wouldn't do that again and guess what. I did it over and over and over.

    I think I can safely say that those days are over. I hope.

    I wish you the best on your journey to AF life!!!

  4. #4
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    Lying to ourselves!

    Thanks for your honesty, Saraoise, you have to tell it like it is, if not to us, at least to yourself. I think it's one of the steps to getting the issue resolved. We all have to heal at our own pace. All the good advice in the world can go right out the window when that alkie brain takes over.

    I am re-reading the Jason Vale book and loving the brainwashing... I hope you get back on the horse whenever you feel up to it. We're with you all the way. By the way, my acting went right out the window last night too but I managed to keep it low key and am back here this morning which is all we can do.

  5. #5
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    Lying to ourselves!

    I know what you mean, I was a fast drinker aswell. I too would pour another glass of bourbon when my wife wasnt looking, or if she got up to go to the bathroom, I would pour a refill, etc...

  6. #6
    Registered User. Lost Soul's Avatar

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    Lying to ourselves!

    Hi!

    You are not just ranting - you are getting there!
    Thinking out loud with like minded people - who have a common goal is so encouraging

    These realisations are all small steps on your road to sobriety, you will reach your goal - just never lose sight of it!

    And I completely agree about how lying to ourselves (denial) is one of the biggest hurdles. Honesty is the best way foward - Best wishes xx

  7. #7
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    Lying to ourselves!

    Supercrew;1267566 wrote: I guess my "acting" idea didn't inspire you too much. It's been less than 24 hours.

    Non drinkers don't tell themselves they want to quit and they don't have to think about being brutally honest. They just make sure sobriety is the only option and they move forward.

    Focus on sobriety and why you love it, nothing more.
    Haha!! Super crew your funny!

    I still didn't drink though! I was just thinking out loud! Kinda figuring my self out.
    But yes if I want to get the fabulous MWO Oscar then i'l need to act better!

    Thanks all for the support

  8. #8
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    Lying to ourselves!

    Saoirse & the wild horse;1268314 wrote: Haha!! Super crew your funny!

    I still didn't drink though! I was just thinking out loud! Kinda figuring my self out.
    But yes if I want to get the fabulous MWO Oscar then i'l need to act better!

    Thanks all for the support
    You can do it, just keep your mind in the right place. Feeling bad and obsessing only lead us back to where we don't want to be.

    Our quest is happiness and sobriety, if you are focusing on anything else you aren't playing the right role.

  9. #9
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    Lying to ourselves!

    I got scared at how fast I started to drink and also at how I'd gulp and top up so I wouldn't be embarrassed. There are events like valentines day that are tricky when you have a problem with alcohol,,, so I really understand.... I'm not sure what the draw is to lie to ourselves. And think its okay to drink when it's not something we can handle. I think it's part of the addiction. I think the addiction lies to feed it. It's hard to find the truth with such a strong force. My truth is I can not drink. if I do I suffer and cause suffering. That has become a fact for quite some time now. If I don't drink I feel much better about my life.

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