When does it turn around?

**mustdobetter** · March 18th, 2007, 09:44 PM

I am 10 days in... well 11 now because I can safely say I will not have a drink tonight. I have chosen to go 30 days AF and then try to moderate, socially only. I am not sure when I will be ready to bring alcohol back into the house. I was thinking today about how I can't wait for this 30 day period to be over so I can have a drink. Well that was a disappointment to me after thinking it. It's probably not the right approach and as I was thinking it I was thinking also that I am not looking at this the right way.

I want to get to that time when I don't care so much about having a drink or not having a drink. When I can take it or leave it. I realized tonight that I am not there yet. I care about not having a drink and I care about when I will have one.

What I wonder is, does it happen? Do you get to that point when you don't care about when you will have another drink? I hear often that alcoholics and problem drinkers have to battle the bottle every single day. I soooo want to be able to take it or leave it. The idea of a battle every day seems so hard to manage.

**truthiness** · March 18th, 2007, 10:03 PM

I would love to know the answer to that as well as just starting out on day one...

Congrats on 11 days! that's amazing...

**Determinator** · March 18th, 2007, 10:57 PM

good job both of you, and I'm on day 11 myself. It's a ton easier this time as I'm on Campral. I'm also mentally a lot more vigilant than ever in my life and I've even told my whole family, uncle, aunt, everyone close to me. It takes a while to break a habbit and if anyone told you this would be easy, then be sure to poke them in the eye next time you see them

I know that every day will be a challenge for me for the rest of my life whether I decide to moderate or what. Nutrition is extremely important also as well as a low sugar diet...may sound silly but it helps after a week or two and it's medically proven. well, let's all stay in close touch on this journey to a better "us". gotta go. the movie "28 days" is on...haven't seen it in ages. Sure is interesting now that I'm not watching it wasted. Take care,
D.

**ScoobyDoo** · March 18th, 2007, 10:59 PM

mdb, I'm looking forward to reading some responses from the Senior members who've worked through this. Great post mdb and a big Congrats on Day 11 too!

Truth, I read your original post but didn't get a chance to respond, so Hi

Doo

**Serenity** · March 19th, 2007, 05:09 AM

MDB
The longest I have been AF is 2 months and the only way I did that was to tell myself I could never drink again - why would I want all the crap that went with it. I then tried to tell myself just to have 2 glasses or half a bottle which worked for a while then back to 2 bottles a night.

What I tell myself now - is that I am not missing out on anything - this is key- why would I want to drink if I am going to feel lousy in the morning,fuzzy headed . I feel much more alert and content than when I was drinking.

Moderation may be a step towards stopping but for me it can never be an option - you have to trully ask yourself - could you stop at 2 glasses of whatever - I know for a fact I would have to have 2 bottles - but thats me and everyone is different.
I personally don't think we drink like normal people, we get more "pleasure" out of it. (many articles written about addictive biochemistry of the brain) and need to steer clear otherwise we will always be battling ourselves.

Good luck with whatever choice you make
Love
S

**Kimmy** · March 19th, 2007, 05:50 AM

MDB, I do agree, Moderation is not for me either, there is one thing that I have realized in my very short time of being here and that is that I have a illness, disease - and I can not touch the stuff - I am an alcoholic, I don’t start first thing in the morning - but I am an alcoholic and if I had not stopped now I would be drinking a cowboy coffee in the morning in stead of a normal black with sugar variety. - but I wish you luck this is not an easy road to travel.

**Bella** · March 19th, 2007, 07:07 AM

MDB, I think everyone copes with this in different ways. You might end up being the kind of person who CAN take it or leave it - drink I mean! I am 33 days AF and I feel slightly stronger mentally to say NO to it. when I was day 1 or 2 AF I found it alot harder. I have found the longer i have gone without, the easier it has become. But saying that, I have not experienced a big night out yet. When i do I will moderate and just see how it goes! Its a challenge that has to be faced. The idea of having a drink now seems alien to me, i am trying to remember the taste and imagine it to be strong!

I think if you WAIT for a time when you won't care if you drink or not, it won't come. But you will get so used to asking for a soft drink, that suddenly you are aware how far youv'e come. Give it time and patience.
All the best. B

**Breez** · March 19th, 2007, 07:32 AM

I am 89 days AF. I had only 1 drink during this time to relieve a stressful situation I was in (I believe I was about 65 days AF). No cravings just decided to have one. After I had that 1 drink I wanted another-badly. I automatically knew that mods is not for me and refused to give into another drink. So I am continuing my AF journey and couldn't be happier. I don't want to waste energy fighting those demons in my head counting drinks, watching my drinks, watching the clock anticipating when I can have the next drink etc. Too much wasted energy.

On any typical day I have no cravings. I could take it or leave it. The only things I have to look out for are triggers-and I have a major one coming up at the end of April. Alcohol no longer occupies my mind 24/7. I can walk by the alcohol isle at the grocery w/o salivating. I can be approached by people w/o worrying if I have alcohol on my breath. I'm not scared my liver is dying. That's it-I have no more alcohol worries. I know Mods will just bring those worries back into my life-slowly.

**Serenity** · March 19th, 2007, 02:47 PM

SeaBreez - thats exactly how I feel!!

**marcel** · March 19th, 2007, 03:09 PM

MDB, If you are taking the topa, don't forget the effect it's supposed to have on your brain chemistry. It's what I am counting on. (Maybe a senior member has more insight to offer.) I am also aiming for the 30 day af goal then mods. I am only 5 nights af but already think a lot differently about wine than I did last Tuesday. You sound like you have changed, too, since you knew you weren't going to have a drink last night.

Congratulations on number 11. Best of luck on your 30 day goal.

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