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Thread: Feeling blue

  1. #11
    Registered User. NoSugar's Avatar

    Join Date;
    16th January, 2013.

    Feeling blue

    Hi, Moss Rose

    I've posted encouraging things to others at times I myself didn't feel particularly great about this whole business. But I wasn't being a hypocrite - I meant what I posted, even if I personally wasn't feeling strong and confident at that moment. My feelings didn't make the words any less true.

    And as I tried to support others, I was saying those things to myself, as well.

    Please keep up with your very helpful posts! They are good for everyone, including you!

    I also think that posts like the one you did tonight are critical to this process - I've mentioned recently on a thread that acting like I was always fine is part of what got me into this mess in the first place! We need to be honest here and most of all, with ourselves.

    I'm glad you are here. :h NS

  2. #12
    Registered User. Kradle123's Avatar

    Join Date;
    16th January, 2007.

    Feeling blue

    Moss I am so grateful for your post tonight. I have been feeling almost exactly the same way these last few weeks. I even wanted to pm a member I thought I may have upset....but when I read and retread my post to her I know I only meant to help and give support.

    Your honesty is what helps us pure and simple. Letting us know how badly you feel r how good you feel is the VERY connection I think we all need. I know I do. :l

    We all have such a hard time seeing ourselves..we always think the least I do.
    .I find this aspect of getting well the hardest. Even harder than not mixing a rum and tonic or two or five every night.

    Sometimes I feel inept and inadequate in my posts, as well as my 3D life

    I'm not a Byrdie or a K9 or a Lav or other members who have clearly discovered their true strengths and voices and been valuable, bright beacons for us.
    The raw honesty about their journeys is just the same as your honesty and they help so many people...and you do as well.

    I didnt want to post today because last night just sucked and I almost didn't. But as I was reading I met several people who were really struggling today, feeling awful so I posted some of what I was feeling and what happened...I did it because I am determined to get some value out of this fricken creating some value...that's why you have to keep posting.


  3. #13
    Registered User. MossRose's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th May, 2013.
    Small town USA.

    Feeling blue

    Thank you all for your understanding. I did manage to get some sleep last night, but had vivid, disturbing dreams. I guess that's just one more way my body and brain are trying to adjust. So I am a little off this morning, but I have a busy day at work which will help. No time to dwell on these unpleasant thoughts. I was very hesitant to post this last night but now I am glad that I did. It seems to have started a new, and important, conversation.

    I guess I am always afraid of scaring our newest members by posting about my struggles. But then I realize that it is just as insincere to make it sound easy. It's not. But it can be done, with effort and determination. And I think that's what we are supposed to be doing out here, encouraging others by sharing our triumphs AND troubles. Plus, your responses have reminded me that it is ok for me to be honest with you all. There was a part of me that was also afraid of disappointing those of you who have been with me from the beginning.

    I have struggled all my life with anxiety, people-pleasing behavior and as NS so aptly put it, "acting like I was always fine is part of what got me into this mess in the first place!" Still trying to learn how to live a more authentic life. I think that may be the most fundamental key for me to finally get, and stay, sober.

    Hope you all have a wonderful day, or night.

  4. #14
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    24th March, 2013.

    Feeling blue

    Moss...thank you for such an honest post. I feel the same way from time to time. You have encouraged me to be more honest about how I'm feeling. I like what Lav take care of yourself right now and don't worry about anything else. I think I will follow her advice as well.

    Hugs to you my friend....we've been on this journey together and I'm right here with you.

  5. #15
    Registered User. lifechange's Avatar

    Join Date;
    13th July, 2011.

    Feeling blue

    Moss, I have to agree with everyone here. Thank you for talking about your feelings so openly. I have often felt the same way and haven't known what to do--every supportive I've word written has sounded hypocritical, but I haven't wanted to bring anyone down. I guess it's probably good to keep the entire journey in mind-- all the ups and downs-- and to keep it honest. I think it's all important and valid and ok. I've only been here this time for the past 6 days, but I've looked forward to your posts. And even this one, which you didn't want to write, has touched people.

  6. #16
    Registered User. K9Lover's Avatar

    Join Date;
    2nd February, 2010.
    Central California.

    Feeling blue

    MossRose;1552550 wrote: But it just seems like everyone here is so strong. And I'm not.
    Hi Mossy,
    This jumped out at me. What comes across on a computer screen may not always be the whole picture. Yes, many members here have A LOT of sober time, but that doesn't mean they don't don't still struggle from time to time too. I KNOW I DO! The thought of drinking still hits me at the most random times. I even think that maybe once in a while it wouldn't be "so bad". But that's just the stupid Beast lying to me....I guarantee it would be "bad...and so much worse"!!

    Don't worry about being a pillar of strength, or a role model, or whatever! Just be honest with yourself, and be you...we all benefit from the variety of posts here. Everyone can't be happy and strong all the time, and it's the honest posts that keep us grounded. Express whatever you feel...I promise, we'll still love you! :h

  7. #17
    Registered User. FlyAway's Avatar

    Join Date;
    17th July, 2011.

    Feeling blue

    Hooray for you Moss! Hooray for posting!

    You said that you were feeling blue. In my opinion a huge part of getting sober is just learning how to "feel" anything and deal with it. As drinkers we end a long, frustrating day at work with a "well deserved" drink to relax. We drink to celebrate. We drink to mourn. We drink to be social. We can find any reason or justification to drink.

    But what we don't do is feel. We are used to being numb when good things happen, or bad things, or frustrating things. Then when you try to stop drinking and you start "feeling" for the first time huge alarms start going off. "WTF is this?!? This is too much! This is too hard! I must drink to stop this!" What you really need to do is to let life happen and feel it and keep on going. Whether it's good or bad or sad or boring, it's life. We need to learn what it feels like to live life totally--without being numb. It's scary, but it's real.

    I understand your fear of scaring away the newbies. I just went through something sort of similar myself with something I was hesitant to post. But the one thing that has always brought me comfort at MWO was that whenever I admitted something I perceived as awful, there has always been someone else here who says, "Yeah, that happened to me too." I think relaying our experiences, the good and the bad, is what makes this site real. Finding commonality amongst others is such a relief. I applaud you and anyone else who is willing to share the good and the bad. It all makes up the journey. :l

  8. #18
    Registered User. available's Avatar

    Join Date;
    1st November, 2011.

    Feeling blue

    Moss glad to see you seem in better spirits (prob not a good word to use lol). My dreams are amazing shame i cant remember them all but i am finally sleeping 6 to 8 hours like a log and although the headaches are still there life is much better.

    I think the newbies need to realise that in the first few days it is extremely hard to get out crap together and do Day 1 and its nice to find out that others are going through the same thing. So keeps those posts coming.

    I also suffer from anxiety and am a people pleaser but we do have to start thinking of us and maybe now we are grieving for a friend (AL) that we have lost and as we know the grieving process is hard. At the moment i hate AL but i wish he was still here with me but i no in my heart he can never be part of my life again.

    No door clawing this weekend for me!

  9. #19
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    5th September, 2013.

    Feeling blue

    I'm glad you have posted I also feel inadequate and totally stupid ......why can't I lick this others have no problems but me like you struggle
    Please keep posting

  10. #20
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    30th May, 2013.

    Feeling blue

    moss I'm glad your hear and still posting you have also helped me on my journey
    and would also like to help you
    like you never seem to have the right words but just being here helps me to be accountable and staying on track
    thats the reason for this site .....some can just do it others keep struggling but the main thing is to keep coming back
    I will miss you if you leave and stop posting

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