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    Thread: Feeling blue

    1. #1
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      Feeling blue

      I've managed to post a few times tonight. I hear the desperation in the posts, the determination to stop this madness, and I so badly want to help, to offer encouragement, to let those newest to this journey know that there is hope, because I know there is. Then I ask myself, am I a hypocrite? Can someone struggling as badly as I am actually offer anything to the conversation? I always worry afterwards that I may have made things worse, or at the very least not been helpful at all. I know this is my anxiety talking, but it's very loud tonight and I am paying attention.

      I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It's the main reason that I have been sporadically posting - unlike in the beginning when I posted constantly. I feel inadequate. This quit has been the hardest by far. I am fighting a bad case of the blues, and not feeling so well physically either. I am not giving up. I know I can do this, But it just seems like everyone here is so strong. And I'm not.

      So now I have said it out loud. I'm not proud of this post. But it's just been tearing me apart. I look forward to the day, when I can make inspirational posts with a strong sense of self and conviction. I am sure this makes no sense to anyone, but I needed to get this out of my head and heart. I will probably be so embarrassed in the morning by this confession, I'll want to leave the boards. But if there has one thing I have learned here, it's that being honest is the road to recovery. No more running. Or at least, I'll try not to.

      Thanks for listening, my friends. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Just a bad night.

    2. #2
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      Feeling blue

      Hey Mossy,
      hope you can get un blue soon. Hopefully you're not coming with something. Sometimes you need to get out and do something fun for yourself and enjoy.
      Sam

    3. #3
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      Feeling blue

      Thanks Sam. Don't know what's come over me. You're probably right. Maybe just doing something fun would help. I've been sticking pretty close to home lately. Feels safer somehow. No temptation, ya know

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      Feeling blue

      MossRose,

      Sorry you're feeling blue but it's likely just part of the process
      I'll bet we've all felt blue from time to time, it's completely normal.

      Focus on yourself right now & getting some good AF time under your belt. Don't worry about anything or anyone else right now. In time you will be offering support to others, just not right now, OK?

      Be well!
      Lav

    5. #5
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      Feeling blue

      MossRose,
      You have always been supportive and strong in your suggestions and help and I ALWAYS read your posts. Something fun like Sam says would help - or a mini vacation if you can do it. Not sure where exactly you are, but if you can get to some sunshine somewhere, that would be a good thing too. Always a mood lifter. Glad at least you're not tempted. Think of AllanKay's 15 minute rule if you are - or post again so we can talk you out of it!

      We're here for you. Please don't go away - please. We need you here and you need MWO as well.

      Hoping tomorrow is brighter for you. Let us hear from you - okay?:l

    6. #6
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      Feeling blue

      Aww Moss i love reading your posts and maybe you dont think you say anything that means anything but to us it does. I think i talk complete and utter crap but just think if we can help just ONE person on here with one of our thoughts (maybe confused ones) and they feel the same then great.

      It is Friday for me, i am struggling a lot i must say. Give into temptation, drink moderately (lol), I can go back to not drinking again (easy peasy), my AL brain telling me positives, my AF self saying "bullshit you dont want a hangover etc" .

      I get comfort from knowing you and others post that i know since i started this journey, you are like friends. Like you Moss i would like to be an inspiration to someone and in our way I think we are.

      Sticking around home, i'm bloody glued to the walls on weekends. You should see the claw marks on the door with me trying to get out ha ha.

    7. #7
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      Feeling blue

      I will definitely be smiling when I fall asleep tonight - which will be soon - because of the love and support I have gotten from all of you. Thank you so much. I felt like crap earlier, mentally, emotionally and physically, but now I am calmer. Lav - I'm taking your advice and concentrating on getting myself right. Sanchez - always good to hear from you. I thought Allen's 15 minute rule was brilliant too. Available - thanks for the laugh. "claw marks on the door." OMG - that was hysterical.

    8. #8
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      Feeling blue

      Sleep well MR!

    9. #9
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      Feeling blue

      MossRose;1552571 wrote: I will definitely be smiling when I fall asleep tonight - which will be soon - because of the love and support I have gotten from all of you. Thank you so much. I felt like crap earlier, mentally, emotionally and physically, but now I am calmer. Lav - I'm taking your advice and concentrating on getting myself right. Sanchez - always good to hear from you. I thought Allen's 15 minute rule was brilliant too. Available - thanks for the laugh. "claw marks on the door." OMG - that was hysterical.
      Moss Rose. Don't sell yourself short. Your advice to me was well taken and appreciated. I'm told we folks in recovery have to be wary of depression. Glad your night ended well.

    10. #10
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      Feeling blue

      Mossy I have to tell you I feel that exact same way. There have been days I absolutely could not stop crying. Even at work. I think it's part of our healing process. It will pass. And probably come back again. But you can be happy that you are healing.
      As for posting. I have do many brilliant things to say. Why can't I stop sounding like an illiterate hillbilly? We are our own worse critic. I enjoy your positive words. Thanks. And don't you dare leave us!

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