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  1. #1
    Forum Subscriber. Rahulthesweet's Avatar

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    2nd August, 2013.
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    New Delhi.
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    990.

    Life reflections : Whats next for me ?

    Its good so sometime sit and see life's reflections.
    its like seeing a plant's reflection on a lake
    which keeps growing year after year.

    So today I see myself.
    An addict who is recovering
    I say this even after 1.8 years of sobriety
    As one should not forget all the life changing moments
    Moments which call big ripples on the lake
    and disturbs the reflection of ourselves

    I have had many life changing moments.
    Childhood has its own issues
    surrounded by family and cousins in early days
    then completely loneliness in teens ...

    my love with computers, programming and games
    I guess I was addicted to technology
    preferred to sit for hours in front of computer
    rather than making friends

    She became my life
    brought optimism to my lonely life
    those were good days in university
    like magic ...
    but I know i was once again addicted
    addicted to her ... some call it passion
    some love
    But I knew it will never last

    reflections changes when we start working
    and I doing my own business
    work then kinda became my addiction
    travelling, working, drinking ...
    and more drinking ...

    But the loneliness was always there
    the void which stayed even after marriage
    i guess two people can be different
    drinking never stopped
    it helped ?
    I cant say but as I see myself now
    it was not important part of me then
    not so long ago
    it was just like yesterday

    When did drinking took over me ?
    marriage ? first child ? second ?
    I dont know . I was drunk in all those situations
    any many many more ..

    Today when I do to other "occasions"
    I cant describe how I feel ...
    "been there done that"
    "I am proud and sober"

    I recall the life changing moment
    when i knew i realized i was an alocholic
    and i knoew i could not do anything
    i didnt enjoy drinking
    it enjoyed me
    it was consuming me
    slowly every day
    i was its slave
    daily drinking
    hinding, lies, guilt

    the tough challenge of sobriety
    Early days were so vulnerable
    so challenging so different
    yet so wonderful
    I felt free
    as days progressed I saw the life itself
    not the reflections
    I saw myself ... a big tree

    found new challenges.
    cycling was wonderful
    i celebrated by sober life with my new found love
    cycling
    10 km, then 30, then 60 then wanted to reach 100 km in a day
    then it happed
    accident !

    I am no new to accident
    had many especially drunk.
    smashed car so many times
    its a miracle I didnt get killed anyone
    DUI - yes got arrested too
    but then that didnt change me
    I was drunk again ...
    I was never physically hurt
    just emotionally DEAD !!

    now with this cycling accident
    2 months ago
    i broke my knee
    knee recovery is long
    PT can be painful
    But emotionally I am strong
    VERY strong
    positive
    each days is great
    I am sober
    love every moment

    10 days back i put weight on the leg
    then last week i walked few steps
    now I had said buy to crutches
    it reminds me of early sobriety and recovery
    then i was healing my mind by exercising
    Now my sober mind was healing my body (leg)

    soon i run, cycle
    my reflections will change
    and I wonder whats there in this sober life
    whats there next ?
    Rahul
    --------------------------------------------
    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
    Rebooting ... done ...
    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. jane27's Avatar

    Join Date;
    10th January, 2012.
    Posts;
    1,991.
    Beautiful as always! I posted this for you on roll call (in case you did not see it). Thinking of you & would love to catch up soon. In Florida until next Wed, nothing planned after that. Let me know if/when you may have time to whatsap or chat. xxx

    AF since January 7, 2014 *Never, never, never give up. ~ Winston Churchill*

  3. #3
    Registered User. j-vo's Avatar

    Join Date;
    30th March, 2008.
    Posts;
    4,192.
    Beautiful post, Rahul! So happy for you that you're recoverying from your injury! What's next? I can't wait to hear.
    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

  4. #4
    Forum Subscriber. Rahulthesweet's Avatar

    Join Date;
    2nd August, 2013.
    Location;
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    Posts;
    990.
    Thanks both

    It sometimes help to express
    Rahul
    --------------------------------------------
    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
    Rebooting ... done ...
    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

  5. #5
    Registered User. treetops's Avatar

    Join Date;
    11th April, 2012.
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    Oceania.
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    2,984.
    Wonderful Rahul and I am so glad that you are enjoying your sober life. I don't want to recall the struggles when you posted here so long ago. Thats the past and here is to the future!

  6. #6
    Forum Subscriber. Byrdlady's Avatar

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    4th February, 2010.
    Location;
    NC.
    Posts;
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    It's great to be able to reflect on our lives, especially when we've done something so positive for ourselves! Happy Holidays to you and your family! Byrdie
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

  7. #7
    Registered User. Guitarista's Avatar

    Join Date;
    12th October, 2008.
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    Love it Rahul. Wishing you a full recovery with the knee mate.

  8. #8
    Forum Subscriber. Rahulthesweet's Avatar

    Join Date;
    2nd August, 2013.
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    Posts;
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    Thanks all
    Rahul
    --------------------------------------------
    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
    Rebooting ... done ...
    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

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