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    1. #1
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      My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Hi guys,
      Noob here. Just started day 1 of trying to "fix" my head. Have not bought Roberta's book but it turns out I have been down a very similar path. Once I saw the excerpt, thought I would try a combination therapy like say mentioned to finally quit drinking before I give up and go to rehab. Took 25 mgs of topamax last night. Below is my backstory and a list of things I have already tried over the years.


      Finally had my fill of the drink

      Supplements (I've used the top 4 for weightlifting for years, glad to know they have other uses):
      Amino fuel
      B complex big 100
      vitamin c
      zinc
      folic acid
      l-glutamine
      NAC
      primerose
      ashwaganda
      l-tryptophan (for sleep and serotonin)

      AA - didn't do much for me. I was young and I hate thinking I am utterly helpless, although against alcohol I may be (TBD)

      Moderation management - helped get a few ABS days in but was hard to keep up the level of will power. The CBT I learned here helped.

      The Sinclair Method - it works but not as much as I hoped for me, just ended up spacing out the episodes. I got off drinking daily because of it.

      Hypnosis - helped me get my mindset into not wanting a drink, until I would get lax. Still listen to the tapes on occasion

      Topamax - I am just starting this now. I can go weeks (like 2 or 3) without a drink but will power drops, I get lax, and the cravings kick in

      This will be my last shot at trying to do this on my own. Got to face the music. I really wish I could just quit like my old man says "why don't you just quit" (thanks for the advance pops ) but alas it isn't so simple for me.

      Took my first 25 mgs of topa last night and HF!. I felt drunk AF (not alcohol free), head spinning and everything, ended up knocking out. Is that normal on that little? I did have a week long binge with a 2 day break in the middle leading up to it. So far, not really thinking about the next drink or craving too much.
      - GS

    2. #2
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Welcome greysquirrel! I did use Antabuse for several months early on; it was an important safety net for me. Sorry I have no experience with Topamax. There is a Medication, Research and Support section of the forums that you could check in. Not sure how many folks are posting there these days, but no doubt there's a ton of reading you could do following a search on Topamax.

      Have you checked out the Toolbox thread? Tool box
      Last edited by Pie; May 20th, 2018 at 05:46 PM.
      AF July 11, 2014
      I can't drink a little, therefore I don't drink at all.

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    4. #3
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Welcome Grey

      I think i tried most of what you have although i did have liver detox pills. not sure how they worked when i was still drinking. Oh if we could only have $1 for everytime some said why dont you just stop, its like telling any addict that, just doesnt work even as much as we ourselves want it. When i gave up drinking i told my mother and she said "i wish you had given up smoking". FFS my brother died from alcoholism but we cannot change peoples perspectives on their views, we can only do what is right for us.

      I have no knowledge of the medications either. I decided my life was done with drink in it and MWO has been my main source of sobriety. Being accountable and with a bunch of people that truly understand has helped me stay sober.

      If you can do 2-3 weeks sober with the right tools you can follow through on that. i could not do a day between drinking, always promised i would stop in the morning and by late afternoon i was planning that next drink.

      the newbies nest is a great place to say hello.
      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2018 - 5 years of living life as i should have done all of my life

      Ava is a SHPFFFDU ! (Special, honest, practical, fantastic friend from downunder) - thank you NS

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    6. #4
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Thanks Pie. Over the years, I've done voluminous amounts of readying over the years as to why and what I have done to myself. I also have milk thistle for the liver which helps. I'll keep readying on about topa and I've been reading the tool box post, but as long as it takes away those cravings that rear their head ever so often I'll be happy. Just figured this would be one last pit stop before I let doctors take over. Outwardly, I still look young and I'm very active but I'd hate to see what my organs look like. Lol.
      Last edited by greysquirrel; May 20th, 2018 at 07:57 PM.
      - GS

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    8. #5
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Thanks available. I'll keep checking in to update my progress. And yes you are absolutely right, it helps having people who understand what you are going through.
      - GS

    9. #6
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Hi Grey. I used Kudzu and Lglut which I found helped with the cravings, plus All One, an amino acid powder. My main source of inspiration and support was checking in here each day to make me accountable and gain insight into addiction. Never tried the topa though. This place is wonderful for inspiration and support. Welcome and good luck on your journey

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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Hi, Squirrel--

      I found the three keys were 1) admitting I couldn't drink any more and have the life I want (husband, kids, job), 2) getting in-person support with a 1:1 therapist (maybe I could lie to myself, but talking to someone face to face made it real for me), and 3) checking in here daily and getting the support from a sober community.

      There were other supplemental things, too - Exercise daily, the Bubble Hour podcast, sobriety blogs and memoirs, lavender baths, etc. The problem with will power is that it doesn't work. Set your life up around sobriety and you'll get there!

      Welcome

      Pav

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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Day 2 came and went. I didn't think I would have that much of a problem since I've gotten used to taking days off. It's usually when I'm not looking and I think, okay just a couple, sometimes I manage to keep it to a few, many times not. Then the cravings would set in. Its something having to do with acute hypoglycemia which is why the l-glut helps with cravings (especially simple sugars like alcohol) from everything I read. Spent most of the day busy changing my oil, running errands, and on here.

      Starty, I tried kudzu years ago when I was doing moderation management. Didn't work as well for me unfortunately, just made me feel a little bloated. I ended up drinking right through it.

      Pavati, I agree. You have to take inventory of yourself and your priorities first and then make the honest effort to get yourself help. Keeping busy is something I learned from CBT that helped me get over a few hurdles when I thought I couldn't.

      FYI, I probably babble a bit about things people already know here i.e. the l-glut, but I'm using this as much as a place to vent as a place to learn. Typing out things I've have read helps me learn/remember them better.

      -GS

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    14. #9
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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      I found the lglut really helpful. Babble away, we like it

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      Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

      Greysquirrel I've done a lot of stuff to suppress my urge to drink. Pills & shots. Hoping the best for you

      Rose

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