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  1. #1
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    27th September, 2020.
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    I cheated while drunk

    I have been in a relationship for two years, but a majority of those two years were long distance. The last time we were actually intimate was back in February, and it is now September, but I can blame COVID for that. The last time we saw each other was the second week of June, so I would say that it has now been three months since I last saw my bf. We talk on the phone, we facetime, and I cherish and love him. Doing long distance is difficult, and he has certain views that differ from mine, and I knew we had to talk about it at some point bc we had plans to move in in the future.
    Bc of the pandemic I had not really spoken to people and I was feeling incredibly lonely. I download the equivalent of the BUMBLE BFF app but it is an app that lets you learn languages and meet people from the area and you can both learn from each other. A person who I met on this app ended up becoming a consistent guy friend; he was very kind and I told him repeatedly that my only intention was to be friends, and he was thrilled about this too, he wanted to learn English and I wanted to learn Korean.
    So we had Facetimed and talked on the phone always talking about dumb stuff, and never did i ever flirt with this guy at all, I treated him how I would treat a guy friend; I am , as a friend, very silly and like to make jokes and with this person I had no problem doing that, in no moment did the conversation ever get past that. We didnt really speak every single day but we wanted to finally meet up . Fast forward to this past week where I invited him to my new apartment; he had been wanting to see it and the plan was to eat, drink, and watch videos and just be dumb .
    I drank soju, and here is the main problem I have had with soju; I am not by any means a heavy drinker; and never in my entire life had I been blackout drunk. My go to drink is a gin and tonic but Ill have maybe two and end it at that, my fave drink is a white claw for crying out loud. I have only maybe had up to two sojus before starting to feel a certain way. This night we both drank close to 4 bottles...
    I remember sitting on the couch with this person and we were watching music videos and being stupid, giggling like idiots. Before this we ate and talked , again about stupid stuff, where I told jokes and was being my usual silly self. I only remember leaning my head on his shoulder bc me being tipsy needed to well, not fall or anything. The details that happened after that I can swear on the bible I dont remember at all. Throughtout the course of the night I remember finally gaining "consciousness" the last two hours he was there, gaining consciousness as I was kissing him and proceeding to , well, cuddle and other stuff. Wether we actually had sex, those details are severely hazy. He then left and I had kissed him again, and during this frame time I was coming out of this drunkenness but I still felt tipsy. When Im tipsy I literally go along with anything, and this person wanted to kiss me again, and I did so.
    The next morning I woke up and felt severly disgusting. I called my boyfriend and didnt outright tell him, but after speaking to both my sister and sibling, I decided to hold off until I could get the full story of what happened that night. I ended up contacting this person and telling him that , first and foremost, something like that could never happen again, and I was willing to listen to his side of the story. He told me we didnt have sex, that we tried and ultimately didnt do it. I did believe him bc I remember one of the details was me talking to him about how I couldnt have sex bc I felt my body was too gross and I was still a virgin before any of this. He assured me I was still a virgin, and he told me he wanted to meet up that week to have that conversation face to face, and after that I would decide wether or not to cut off contact with this person.
    What I knew is that 1) I drank the soju way too fast and didnt think this would happen which yes I will blame on myself.2) If I decide to maintain a friendship with this person I would never drink again, because I myself cannot trust myself to do that, but again I dont know wether I will maintain any contact or not. He told me we were both impulsive and that the "initiation" of this whole thing started when I rested my head on his shoulder, and this led to us becoming more physically intimate. He told me he was willing to respect my rule of boundaries and he promised it would happen, but again thats a decision I will have to take on my own.
    As for telling my bf, I will plan on telling him but first I need to speak to both my therapist and the other person, and go from there. I am not proud of the decisions made that night and regardless of me being drunk I know I still did it. I am willing to face that consequence and go from there.

  2. #2
    Registered User. ThreeBottlesOfWine's Avatar

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    12th December, 2018.
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    Re: I cheated while drunk

    I'm thinking maybe you are feeling guilty and want to blame alcohol for your move, you are also very young and are exploring new areas and possibilities, I see nothing wrong with what you did, you are still exploring the right partner for you and sometimes when we drink our minds are less strict and it makes the move for us. But this forum is for alcoholics like me, and I have done a lot worse than just snog another woman - so I'd say you are fine, if you feel the need to tell your boyfriend then that's OK, but at the end of the day, you say nothing happened so there's not really much point. I wish you well.
    Wise NoSugar once said "Whatever drinking or smoking weed brings out in you that you are longing for, is already in you. It isnít coming from the drug. The trick is to find a healthier way to release it"

    Everything I was looking for in weed and alcohol I've found in sobriety

  3. #3
    Forum Subscriber. satz123's Avatar

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    6th May, 2009.
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    Re: I cheated while drunk

    @ThreeBottlesOfWine - agreed
    @lonelygirl11. Don't blame the Sojus.
    As Three's signature says :
    Whatever drinking brings out in you that you are longing for, is already in you. It isnít coming from the drug.

    We all here have done much worse than a snog while drinking.
    Inhibitions are drowned by alcohol, and we do mad things when we are young especially. Usually we do something stupid once and learn from it hopefully.
    It's called growing up.

    I feel probably the friendship has crossed a line. What you need to do now is decide if you want it to be more or go back to your long term relationship - that frankly seems to be going nowhere ?
    You crave physical closeness - and let's face it we are physical creatures - then go for it ..... nothing ventured ..... nothing gained.

    ps NEVER say your body is gross - it's not. Do your best to nourish it well & not damage it and it will serve you well.
    Don't make comparisons.
    Last edited by satz123; October 3rd, 2020 at 04:40 AM.
    Benji ....
    Doing it my way

    .... the joy of being sober never gets old !!

  4. #4
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    12th October, 2008.
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    Re: I cheated while drunk

    Lonelygirl. How are u doing?

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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