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  1. #1
    Registered User. Rahulthesweet's Avatar

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    6 Years Sober Still craving for Dopamine!!

    I gave up Alcohol close to 6 year ago . I should not use the word "gave up" as I "gained a lot more" in past 6 years.

    So I was Beer / vodka / whisky drinker. My daily binge use to start at 5 PM when I use to leave for home from office by grabbing a beer on the way. Leave home with an excuse of "workout at Gym" used to hit the local bar drink and drink and come back home to my wife and kids "post workout" for dinner then ending night with couple of shots of Whiskey. Sleeping drunk by mic night.

    Next worning waking up with hangover with guilt, false promising never to drink again. My noon I would be already planning which bar to go in the evening..... so went life ...

    Then I hit my rock bottom joined MWO and my life changed. Surrounded by wonderful folks here I relapsed 2 times but started my daily counter which still goes on till today.

    During this Journey I experienced severe withdrawals. I went cold turkey as moderation never worked for me. I still recall how hard first 30 days were. Post 45 days life felt so great !! I discovered a new high in life, I was sleeping so well, was so grateful, calm , relaxed.

    I learnt do much about how brain, addiction, reward mechanism works. Dopaine the pleasure chemical as they say is released when we drink or indulge in any "fake" pleasurable activity like playing games, online shopping, porn, gambling, caffeine, chocolates, sugar or even likes on Instagram.

    So 6 years on I am analyzing as to what all I am still addicted to. Maybe addicted is not the right word but I am definitely
    dependent on the supply of dopamine rush which I get from a variety of stuff.

    And if I go back in time as a child I have been always "satisfying" my instant urges or was moving from satisfying one urge then moving on to next. Till I discovered Alcohol.

    As a child I was super addicted to Computer Games used to spend 6 to 7 hours some times more. Binge movie watching, watching porn in compulsive way , masturbating 2 to 4 times a day, binge eating etc. The whole point of my life was to look for instant gratification one after another and then another. Living like that in teens and as an early adult I had problems with people, didn't make friends, was not good in relationships, not comfortable in sharing with others. was depressed and felt low most of time ...

    Dopamine rush which you get from all above activities became new normal for me as without these activitied it was boring but I had always something to so to instantly gratify myself. I was living to please myself by satisfying all the urges to get that high. Who needs friends when you are so self contained with yourself sitting a room alone playing computer games, watching porn, movies, while eating junk food, then music etc etc... addicted !!

    When I discovered Alcohol and it was the biggest supply of Dopamine to my already addicted brain. But this supply was way way more than I had ever experienced before. And it was super easy and more efficient to reward myself. One bottle of beer in initial days used to take me up to top of mountain when it comes to amount of rush !! Then I made buddies with whom I can share the common interest of drinking and then later I didnt even need them !! It was just me and ALCOHOL and we were best friends. With my ol habit to instantly self grarify myself which I have been doing for years is now increased by a factor for 10x. Drink every day more and more and MORE !!

    For several years on mid 20's I was instantly satisfying my urges by doing all of above along with alcohol which progressed to 30s with more cocktail of pressure chemicals coming from success at work. Success in work is a BIG rush. Traveling to new places AND meeting women brings a HUGE Dopamime rush. Along with that Alcohol while traveling, freedom of being young, successful, free , financially independent was a constant indefinitely supply of dopamine rush to me !!

    No wonder I couldn't stay put back home for more than 2 hours in a day. I HAVE to go out on some pretext .

    But slowly Alcohol took over all these supply of Dopamine to my addicted starved brain. The life was scheduled in such a way so that I can drink more and more ...

    Upon hitting my rock bottom early on and discovering MWO and lot of self help by reading, watching so many videos and constantly uplifting myself from that super active brain which has so used to massive supply of Dopamine from AL( leading to my brain receptors in a mess).

    But I found a way to cut back.... 1 Day at a time.. with sobriety.... my brain recovered got used to "normal" supply of dopamine levels and the chemistry of my brain started to adjust. Early on I could not sleep then I slept like a Baby ... then I rediscovered high from other areas of my life....

    But a brain which is addicted needs dopamine so if not from Alcohol then from where? And then it needs adreline rush as well. How did I manage .. ?

    Last Sober 6 years and even today I feel I am still addicted to several sources of Dopamine and other chemicals like Adreline, Coffee (4 cups), ice cream (I take 2 in a day) , junk food, occupational computer games, daily porn and masturbation, cycling, travels and food.

    So why am I writing this today ? Because I had withdrawal symptoms in form of mood swings, head aches which kinda remind me if early day of sobriety. This I was quite surprised especially when I felt miserable almost super depressed in life about 2 weeks backs (kinda my new low in life). So I cut back few things. Majorly coffee... to 1 times a day. It helped !!

    So I discovered coffee too is pretty addictive then I recently read HOW rest of the stuff which I am addicted to is ...

    I also noticed how I have stopped being grateful in life which I was when I frist quit drinking. Do I need to "give up" more sources of my supply of artificial Dopamine to my brain to "get more in life"? I had a pretty successful and life changing experience when I "gave up" alcohol. Can I cut back or eliminate other "artifical" sources of Dopamine ? What will happened when I completely stop coffee, games, chocolates, ice cream, tasty unhealthy food, games, porn. And indulge in more natural way of getting the supply to my brain by working out, cycling, natural sex, eating moderately (so that I can appreciate more).

    While googling around on this topic I came across terms like Dopamine Fasting and upon seeing some videos and content I feel it might be my next level to adjust my brain. And there are more people who think like.

    But then isn't that what Monks do ? And they discover "spirituality" or mental peace or trance or whatever when they meditate and stop the supply of kicks and rushes from artifical stuff which is a constant supply of Dopamine to our brains.

    I listed to few 'ol Monks who are now business men (For example Jay Shetty). Also heard few famous you tubers. Saw a bunch of Ted Talks.

    So by giving up
    Alcohol
    Porn
    Sugar Food
    Junk Food
    Coffee
    Games
    And several others sources of "instant gratification" can we readjust our brains to such low Dopamine levels that it can become so grateful, peaceful and get satisfied by small and simple stuff in life like seeing birds flying, flowers and beauty all around, good weather, Food (any) ?? And being Happy no matter what !!

    When I stopped drinking I starved myself from HUGE supply of artifical dopamine but I am still addicted to so much other stuff around me has anywhere here taken another step or gone to another level to find more gratitude in life ?

    Am I going crazy ?
    Last edited by Rahulthesweet; October 5th, 2020 at 02:29 PM.
    Rahul
    --------------------------------------------
    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
    Rebooting ... done ...
    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

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  3. #2
    Forum Subscriber. Guitarista's Avatar

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    Re: 6 Years Sober Still craving for Dopamine!!

    Hi Rahul,

    I don't think ur going crazy just yet! Sexual energy is indeed a powerful force. I believe we can harness it like other energies to work with us and for us. I know too much junk food and sugar affects our mood and thoughts in a major way. Searching for solutions or alternatives as you are doing will yield results i'm sure. Good luck. Good to see u. Take care mate.

    'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

    Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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  5. #3
    Forum Subscriber. Baclofenman's Avatar

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    Re: 6 Years Sober Still craving for Dopamine!!

    Congrats on your 6 years Rahul and thanks for your post.

    Keep up the good work.

    Regards,

    Bacman.
    I am not a Doctor - I am an alcoholic.
    Thoughts expressed here are my own, often poorly put together and littered with atrocious grammar and spelling.
    AF since 2nd January 2016.

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