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  1. #1
    Registered User. hart's Avatar

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    9th May, 2007.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    > >> Some of these are new; some are oldies but goodies. Enjoy the grins!
    >
    > They're Back! Church Bulletins:
    > >> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
    > actually
    > >> appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services..
    >
    > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    > ----------
    > ------
    > >> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> The church will host an evening of fine dining,
    > >> super entertainment and
    > >> gracious hostility.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
    > >> the congregation would
    > >> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
    > >> breakfast next Sunday.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
    > >> been canceled due to a
    > >> conflict.
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
    > >> community. Smile at someone
    > >> who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who
    > >> doesn't care much about you.
    > >>
    > >> ----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
    > >> Presbyterian Church. Please
    > >> use large double door at the side entrance.
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> ---------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this
    > >> way again," giving obvious
    > >> pleasure to the congregation.
    > >>
    > >> ----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> For those of you who have children and don't know
    > >> it, we have a nursery
    > >> downstairs.
    > >>
    > >> ---------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
    > >> choir. They need all the help
    > >> they can get.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The Rector will preach his farewell message after
    > >> which the choir will
    > >> sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
    > >> October 24 in the church.
    > >> So ends a friendship that began in their school
    > >> days.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
    > >> will be "What Is Hell?"
    > >> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    > >>
    > >> ----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
    > >> the addition of
    > >> several new members and to the deterioration of
    > >> some older ones.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and
    > >> other items to be recycled.
    > >> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Please place your donation in the envelope along
    > >> with the deceased person
    > >> you want remembered.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water."
    > >> The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
    > >>
    > >> -------------------------------------------------
    > >> ---------
    > >> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
    > >> medication to follow.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
    > >> of every kind. They
    > >> may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
    > >> in the park across from
    > >> the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
    > >> sin.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
    > >> at 10 AM. All ladies are
    > >> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
    > >> B. S. is done.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> Our youth basketball team is back in action
    > >> Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    > >> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill
    > >> Christ the King.
    > >> --------------------------------------------
    > >> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
    > >> at 7 PM. Please use
    > >> the back door. -
    > >>
    > >> ----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The eighth- graders will be presenting
    > >> Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
    > >> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation
    > >> is invited to
    > >> attend this tragedy.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church
    > >> help.
    > >>
    > >> -----------------------------------------------------------
    > >>
    > >> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
    > >> tithing campaign slogan
    > >> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
    > >>
    > >> ----------------------------------------------------------
    > >> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
    > >> chance to get rid of those
    > >> things not worth keeping around the house. Bring
    > >> your husbands
    > />>
    >
    >
    >
    >

  2. #2
    Registered User. Preciouspinot's Avatar

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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    LOL Really good stuff here!!

  3. #3
    Registered User.

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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    Hart ; those were great,thx you brightened my day.hope yours is great also steve

  4. #4
    Registered User. southernbelle47's Avatar

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    20th July, 2006.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    :H :H :H :H
    Thank you for the smiles!
    I think I used to go to that church!
    Nancy

  5. #5
    Registered User. SK8RGRL's Avatar

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    28th December, 2006.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    :lol3: Love it Hart! must have taken you a long time to type tho! Thanks glad you took the time. xxxMaxxx

  6. #6
    Registered User. amethyst's Avatar

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    29th November, 2006.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    :H :H :H Those were laugh out loud funny for me! Thanks

  7. #7
    Registered User. janka's Avatar

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    19th August, 2007.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    Too, too funny Hart ... where do you find these?

  8. #8
    Registered User. Mike R.'s Avatar

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    30th August, 2007.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    OMG!!! My side hurts!!! I was laughing tears!!! Thanx, I needed that...

  9. #9
    Forum Subscriber. fickle's Avatar

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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    Laughed so HARD..

    Thanks so much Hart!!! Laughing so much tears rolling down & couldn't stop! Needed it so much :h :H

  10. #10
    Registered User. Paddy's Avatar

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    14th October, 2006.
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    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    OMG, I broke forth into joy and nearly peed myself

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