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    1. #1
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      hippie37's Avatar

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      My personal trainer TAWNY

      My personal trainer "TAWNY"

      For Christmas last year, my wife ( the love of my life ) purchased a week of private lessons at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Tawny, who identified herself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with surprising enthusiasm to get started.

      The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress...............

      MONDAY:

      Started my day at 6:am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Tawny waiting for me. (she is something of a goddess with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Tawny Gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her aerobic outfit. ( I thoroughly enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my own workout today. Very inspiring.)

      Tawny was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !

      TUESDAY:

      I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Tawny made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar in the air ...then she put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tawny's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!!! It's a whole new life for me.

      WEDNESDAY:

      The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying my toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Geo in the club lot. Tawny was impatient with me, insisting that my screams were bothering the other club members. (her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and I hadn't noticed that when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is annoying.) My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tawny put me on the stair monster, er, master. (why in HELL would anyone invent a machine to stimulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?) Tawny told me it would help get me in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too..

      THURSDAY:

      Tawny was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I explained that I couldn't help being a half hour late. It took me that long to tie my fucking shoes. Tawny took me to work out with the dumbbells. When she wasn't looking , I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars in to find me. As punishment , she put me on the rowing machine...which I sank.

      FRIDAY:

      I hate that BITCH Tawny more then any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. (prissy, pretentious, stupid, skinny, anemic, little cheerleader-wanna-be Bitch.) If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Tawny wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want any dents in the damn floor, don't hand me fucking barbells or anything that weighs more then a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a Health and P.E. teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the Drama coach or the choir director?

      SATURDAY:

      Tawny left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrill, piercing little voice, wondering why I did not show up today? Just, hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength even to use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the fucking weather channel.

      SUNDAY:

      I'm having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the other BITCH) will choose a gift for me that is fun... root canal or a vasectomy !

    2. #2
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      tawnyfrog's Avatar

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      My personal trainer TAWNY

      HARRRRRRUMMMMPHHHHHH!!!

    3. #3
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      Saint Jude's Avatar

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      :H
      I've seen that one..only a bit diff...


    4. #4
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      Join Date;
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      very good .. i love it . thank you .i needed that

    5. #5
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      poohbear's Avatar

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      My personal trainer TAWNY

      wow I almost believed that this was your story - or is it?

      ok I am laughing my arse off right now - well I wish that was all it took to get my arse to go down - thank you for the laugh

    6. #6
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      hippie37's Avatar

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      tawnyfrog;293832 wrote:
      HARRRRRRUMMMMPHHHHHH!!!



      LOL


      I thought someone would of already posted this but when I checked back and saw no one had I just had to enlighten people with it!!. And YES Tawnyfrog YOU immediately sprung to mind when I saw the title on the joke site and was my reason for posting it!!

      Love and Happiness
      Hippie
      xx

    7. #7
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      Join Date;
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      lol...thats funny. I'm going to send it my x-husband

    8. #8
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      My personal trainer TAWNY

      SHUT UP!! I had my first session 2 days ago. Those pec muscles are crying out. I have to be there at 5 frigging 30 tomorrow AM. I wish I had everybodys phone numnber on speed dial or something so I could call you at 5 AM just to remind you I'm working hard here. I won't mention tonight's hydroplane on the exit ramp but downshifted and regained control and pulled out of the spin. Did not pee my pants and did not cry. I see a new career on the horizon. :H

    9. #9
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      Noelle's Avatar

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      OMG Hippie....that actually made me laugh out loud and get tears in my eyes! Thank you soooo much for posting that! :H

    10. #10
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      fickle's Avatar

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      Ahahah Hippie

      Here is a funny cartoon along these lines:

      Running machine: [ame= ]YouTube - Cool cartoon[/ame]

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