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Thread: joke of the day

  1. #111
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
    She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."
    The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  3. #112
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    A bear wearing a hat walks into a bear with a man.
    Man: I'll have a pint of beer, and the bear'll have a large Matabooboo.
    Bartender: What's a Matabooboo?
    Bear: Nuttin' Yogi.
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  5. #113
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, so the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I get its pajamas off."


    A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around. The bartender, startled, asks, "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" The blind man says, "Just taking a look around..."
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  7. #114
    Registered User. Stevo's Avatar

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    You inspired me Sam.Here's a few Star Wars jokes to celebrate the new Star Wars movie.

    Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side.

    Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side? A: In the Sith Grade.

    Q: What do you call a pirate droid? A: Argh2-D2

    Q: Why does Leia wear buns on her head? A: In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting.

    Q: Why did the crazy Angrallian Toobir cross the nebula? A: To get to the other dementia.

    They are definitely not of the highest caibre,but I thought that they might bring some smiles.

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  9. #115
    Registered User. knobert's Avatar

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    Redneck

    How can you tell if a redneck is level headed?

    The chewing tobacco runs equally out of both sides of his mouth!

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  11. #116
    Registered User. Samstone's Avatar

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    what do you call memory loss in a parrot?

    Polynesia.
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  13. #117
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    A man took his parrot to the vet because it had been sick. The vet said, "I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your bird has chirpees. The good news is, it's tweetable."
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  15. #118
    Registered User. knobert's Avatar

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    Hey Samstone

    That's a cute one. It reminded of this:

    Why do Norwegian women wash their clothes in Tide?
    Because it's too cold out tide.

    Knobert

    P.S.-- I'm Norwegian

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  17. #119
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    A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a porcupine walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the porcupine's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the porcupine. "Your name is written inside the cover."
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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  19. #120
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    A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

    When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

    After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

    "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
    She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
    "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
    The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
    The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

    The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

    Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

    "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
    Liberated 5/11/2013

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