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    Thread: joke of the day

    1. #11
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      An old man was inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggest he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks go by and he can't understand why there's still no sign of the mutt. "What did you write in the ad?" his wife asks. "here boy," he replied
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    3. #12
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      Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
      If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    5. #13
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      A man is out driving in his convertable, when he sees a pig on the side of the road. There aren't any houses around, so he puts it in the car, and resumes driving. Down the road, a cop sees him and pulls him over. "What are you doing with that pig in your car?" The man says, "Well, officer, I just found her, and was trying to figure out what to do with her". "Take her to the zoo", the cop told him and sent him on his way. Two weeks lator, the cop sees the same car go by with the pig in it, and pulls it over. "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo! ". "Well, officer, I DID, and we had such a good time, now I'm taking her to Disneyland!".
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    7. #14
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      I loved it even when I saw the punch line coming!! Good one, Sam!


    8. #15
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      Horse enters a bar & sits down on stool....bartender comes over & says, "Why tha long face ?"
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    10. #16
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      Another good short one that I can remember! Funny that these always happen in bars .


    11. #17
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      These are "Tom Swifties"--a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked
      by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed.

      "I manufacture tabletops for kitchen cabinets." said Tom counterproductively.
      "I'll need to change my violin strings again", was Tom's gut reaction.
      "You're wearing mink." she inferred
      "Did you know I'm singing in a vocal group at the Mormon Tabernacle?" Tom inquired
      "The cantaloupe gave me a stomach ache" said Tom melancholically.
      "I've attached the reins to my pony's headgear." Tom bridled hoarsely.
      "My glasses are fogged up", said Tom optimistically.
      "The grizzly is climbing the tree beneath me!" said Tom overbearingly.
      "The prisoner escaped by climbing down a rope," said Tom condescendingly.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    13. #18
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      Two beautiful statues were standing in a garden -- they had been there for a hundred years looking longingly at one another, but being statues and unable to move, they couldn't do anything about it. One day a fairy godmother took pity on them and whapped them each on the head with her wand, turning them into humans. "Because I've taken pity on your plight, " she told them, "I have given you both the gift of life for one hour. Now at last you can consummate your love for one another."

      Well, the two statues look at one another and run off into the bushes. For a half an hour, there is much rustling of leaves and giggling, until they both stumble out from behind the bushes looking dishevelled and grinning from ear to ear.

      The fairy godmother winks at them and says, "You both still have a half-hour left, you know!"

      Upon which point one statue turns to the other and says, "Great! This time, you hold down the pigeon, and I'll crap on its head!"
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    15. #19
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      Love the statue joke!

      I'm feeling dull, though - I can't get this one!:
      "I'll need to change my violin strings again", was Tom's gut reaction.


    16. #20
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      Quote Originally Posted by NoSugar View Post
      Love the statue joke!

      I'm feeling dull, though - I can't get this one!:
      NS,
      Strings used to be made out of gut : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catgut
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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