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  • Page 4 of 14 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
    Results 31 to 40 of 132

    Thread: joke of the day

    1. #31
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      Just curious Samstone,how did the guy go from John Smith to Stevo and then Jim?
      Last edited by Stevo; June 15th, 2015 at 07:11 AM.

    2. #32
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      old age on my part, forgot his name
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    4. #33
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      A young monk arrives at the monastery and he is assigned to helping the other monks
      in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however,
      that all of the monks are copying from copies, and not from the original manuscript.

      So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone
      made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
      In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

      The head monk, says, ‘We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
      but you make a good point, my son. I'll have to look into that.’

      He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts
      are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.
      Hours go by,and nobody see the old abbot.

      So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
      He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

      “We missed the R!”
      “We missed the R!”
      “We missed the R!”

      His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
      The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’

      With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
      ‘The word was… CELEB R ATE !!!'
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    6. #34
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      Hi-larious!!!


    7. #35
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      Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.

      Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

      "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

      Farmer Joe said, "Well, ya need to understand, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and as I was driving down the road...."

      The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to just simply answer the question yes or no."

      By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

      Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

      Now when the Highway Patrolman came on the scene, he could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her first. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her - right between the eyes. then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
      Last edited by Samstone; June 22nd, 2015 at 07:31 PM.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    9. #36
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      Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, you got any grapes?" Bartender says, "No, we don't serve grapes." Duck turns and leaves.

      Next day the same duck walks into the same bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, you got any grapes?" Bartender says, "No, I told you yesterday, we don't serve grapes." Ducks turns and leaves.

      Next day the same duck comes back, walks into the same bar and asks the bartender again, "Hey, you got any grapes?" Bartender says, "Listen here duck, if you come and ask me that one more time, I'm going to nail that beak of yours down to the bar. You understand?" Ducks turns and leaves.

      Next day the same duck comes back, walks into the same bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, you got any nails?" Bartender rolls his eyes back and says, "No. I don't have any nails." Duck says, "You got any grapes?"
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    11. #37
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      nosce te ipsum
      (Know Thyself)

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    13. #38
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      Det
      vodka was the first drunk I had when I was 13 and that was the end result.... yuk! Why di it take me to my late 50's to figure that out????!!!!
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    15. #39
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      dunno my friend... a fellow slow learner here

      just read back to your 'faster than light particle' joke. I love geek/nerd humor!
      nosce te ipsum
      (Know Thyself)

    16. #40
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      a Higgs-Boson particle walks into a church and the priest says 'sorry but we don't allow your type in here'

      the Higgs-Boson replies 'but without me, how can you have mass?'
      nosce te ipsum
      (Know Thyself)

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