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  1. #11
    Registered User. Chief's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Thanks everyone....it really means alot to me to have the response and support you have shown....

    I've been reading some of Neil's long term posts....it seems he went through a similar experience....his posts are always so enlightening....

    It's just that this totally caught me off guard, and The Beast won't seem to let up. I told Cindi I think he thinks he has his foot in the door.....

    I just have to guard that fucking door.....

    It's a long term deal....no doubt. We are never cured. I went running this afternoon to try and clear the cobwebs.......felt good...

    I just need to stay focused....I need to be relentless......I need to succeed because if I don't, I'm not sure I have another sober left.....that's what scares me. Remember, my dad was an alcoholic and ended up committing suicide because he could not quit drinking.

    I don't want to ever have to go through day 1 again......

    Thanks again everyone......I will be on the boards......the last thing I need to do is try and get through this on my own......

    I love this place....sometimes we have drama and bickering, but when the chips fall for one of us....the troops rally.......

    Love to all,
    Don

  2. #12
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    The Beast is still here...

    Don, I"m glad I came onto mwo today and saw this

    Something similar happened to me at 9 months.

    You know what kept me sober then? I went into the my story section here and read how many thousands of stories are there from people who dont post on the site, but who poured out their agony as to what drink does for them and it is not good news. In my heart I knew that if I went back to it, I was heading back into what I call the 'my story' madness. Its just not worth it.

    If I may be so bold Don.. getting sober is so much more than not drinking (I know I'm saying this to the converted here). This is an opportunity for you to work out what it is about this situation that harms your defenses.. what is the emotion you are trying to escape? Identify and work on it.

    Go for a run. And yes, read Neil's posts.. they are great... they talk of the steely determination that is required. Remember you are a non drinker period. Hang on to that for all its worth.

    And, I'd have to say that in my experience at 9 months, when I got over it and out the other side something big changed. I am being honest when I say that after working through what it was for me, I have not had such a craving again. For me it was (and always was) about escaping emotion and after 9 months I tackled that and tackling that is a way of life for me. Since I'm tackling it and living emotion much better I do not have cravings.

    And I'm rolling in on three years sober now. Too much to give up on now, because as you know, it takes effort to get sober, but it takes less effort to stay sober than it takes to get sober.

    Brigid

  3. #13
    Registered User. Chief's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Thank you, Brigid......I was hoping you would post....

    I'm not sure there's an emotion I'm trying to escape.....I've been working on living as a non drinker, and as you know, that means looking at every aspect of your life differently. It's been hard sometimes, but enjoyable others.....I think it just goes along with being a non drinker after so many years as a drinker....it's a journey indeed. When I first quit I thought, "oh good, this will solve everything..."

    Doesn't really work that way now, does it?...lol

    Anyway, thanks, Brigid.....you are one of my heros.....

    Don

  4. #14
    Registered User. irishlady's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    about time too;443402 wrote:

    And I'm rolling in on three years sober now. Too much to give up on now, because as you know, it takes effort to get sober, but it takes less effort to stay sober than it takes to get sober.

    Brigid
    Oh Brigid the wise, I shall remember those words above because they make absolute sense, and its lovely to see you here. Congratulations on almost 3 years by the way, and thats not for staying sober for that length of time, more for what you had to do to stay that way, if you know what I mean.

  5. #15
    Registered User. caysea's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Hi Chief
    You are showing me the battle never ends and neither can our mind set to not drink.Through reading about your latest fight it helps me to realize their is no letting down your guard.This is the education I need from someone who has been very successful and will continue to be. The simplest of situations can present the biggest tests.I will be more aware now.

    Stay Strong and Keep Fighting.
    AF 5-16-08

  6. #16
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    The Beast is still here...

    Don,
    I've had this discussion with you before.. I can only talk from what happened with me... and for me drinking is about escaping emotion. For me its when I am less perfect than I think I am.. or its when I dont live up to my own expectations and my own expectations are just too bloody high (I'd say).

    Of course, you are a different person with a different set of circumstances. Maybe (I'm only guessing here) you want to be 'normal' and you see 'normal' as being able to have a few drinks... maybe this is an issue for you still.. (sorry if I'm off the mark here).. Anyway, this is something that plays with my mind on occasion.. but for me learning to be myself sober has meant that I've had to come to terms with this aspect of myself. I simply do not drink a few drinks. It just does not happen. If I drink, that buzz leads me inescapably to blackout. That is my honesty. Sure, I reckon I could try it once and fool myself, but I know where it leads me. That is what honest sobriety is.. realizing this fact.

    Seems like you are holding onto your honesty.. so keep at it and dont give in. You know how it is when you read about people starting out here and how hard they find it... and you will them to succeed.. well you know what it takes to get sober.. you know how hard it is.. why give up on the work you have put in so far? I can see no reason.

    You will get there Don.

    And hi Louise.. I see you are going well tooxx
    Brigid

  7. #17
    Registered User. IAD's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Yes the Beast is still around. He will never leave. We must always tame the savage beast the rest of our lives.......Hang in their we can do it ! IAD.

  8. #18
    Registered User. Cinders's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Darn the Beast!!!

  9. #19
    Registered User. Cinders's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Don,

    I can see no reason to give in to the Beast.

    Damn, I am looking through one eye. It sucks.

    But I can do this and so can you.

    I Love you HUGELY,
    Cindi

  10. #20
    Registered User. wonderworld's Avatar

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    The Beast is still here...

    Don -

    I hear you romancing the drink. Get the beast's foot out of the door.

    The romance, played out, looks like this: You take a drink. Oh yes - you get that AHHHhhhh.... . It's good! Everything melts away. The knot in your head from thinking about this (and everything else!). And this bliss lasts......... about a half hour. You will then spend the rest of the night, and possibly the next x number of days, weeks, months, years, chasing that AHHHHHhhhhh. You will not get it back. You may die trying. And tomorrow you will wake up feeling like dog shit on your own shoe - physically, mentally and spiritually.

    AND, you talked about life changing as a non-drinker. Has it changed enough to suit your new sober self? When I first quit drinking, I thought the idea was to "do" my life as before, just without alcohol. But I changed so much, as you said. And deeper down - not just the habit of drinking. I have no problem being in drinking situations, but it is just not the same. And it doesn't have to be. There's so much more to this journey. "fun" doesn't mean what it used to, exactly. Maybe Brigid's mention of longing for "normal" is in here too. Maybe you're grieving the loss of your old lifestyle (self) a little. And wondering where to go from here?

    You are in your own uncharted territory. That doesn't mean lost! You're longing for or a drink as a remedy.
    Navy Man - break out your navigation equipment and don't panic! Explore!

    Much love ww xox

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