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  1. #11
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    What was your rock bottom

    My bottom was a year and a half ago. After work, I stopped in a bar and drank 4 double Bloody Marys in less than 2 hours, then proceeded to drive 75 miles home. The scariest part about this is that I do not remember the ride home!!!! I don't remember anything after walking out the door of the bar. I could have killed someone! OMG! That was my bottom and I thought to myself, "Lady, you are flying on borrowed wings!" Have I ever gotten a DUI? No. Have I ever been in an accident? No. My point is, I wasn't going to wait until I lost my job, my license, etc, because the shame would put me over the edge. I got a second chance and I am not going to blow it! I am filled with gratitude to have this opportunity to be well. I have fabulous friends, a loving family, an exciting career and AL is not worth losing everything I have!

    Rusty

  2. #12
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    Living out of a box under a bridge is not the "lowest possible bottom" in my view. It's death. The dead ones aren't here to talk about it.

    DG

  3. #13
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    I haven't hit rock bottom but I can see it coming....thus I am here

  4. #14
    Forum Subscriber. JackieClaire's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    Doggygirl;829935 wrote: Living out of a box under a bridge is not the "lowest possible bottom" in my view. It's death. The dead ones aren't here to talk about it.

    DG
    DG,
    So, so true, before that horrendous moment on the 5th July I'd had a good rake round the medicine cabinet ,to see what was in there. Plenty.
    To this day I don't know what pulled me back.
    J x
    :l

  5. #15
    Registered User. caysea's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    Hi All
    On this elevator ride down their are many floors to get off. As DG has pointed out their is the bottom THE END. We who have been here for awhile have known people here that wound up at the true bottom. All that have wound up on this site don't need to keep going down to the true end. We can stop the madness that we have brought into our lives. I wish I had years ago. The one aspect this site does give us is a look into each others mistakes. We are fools if we don't learn from them. The longer you fool yourself and continue with al in your life the closer you get to the end. Yes it was hearing about the death of someone caused by someone i knew that was the turning point for me. One person dead one person in jail. I could have been either one.


    Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
    AF 5-16-08

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  7. #16
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    What was your rock bottom

    Great thread, Mario,

    Can't say any one incident was my bottom, just was getting very frightened by not being able to stop on my own. I kept telling myself something bad was going to happen and then I would wish I had gotten help when I realized how out of control I was.

    I was unaware of it at the time, but I seen something in the writings here and in the AA thread that I wanted. Their idea of one day at a time wasn't just fighting this one day at a time, but learning to deal with life one day at a time. That I guess is what I wanted. I have been in AA for two months now and am so happy and feel so relieved to be there.

    Between MWO and AA, I feel like maybe I won't have to have some horrible incident happen in order to save me from myself.

    Thanks again for the post,

    Always enjoy your posts, Mario

    HG

  8. #17
    Registered User. hippie37's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    I thought I'd reached "bottom" on many occasions. But, it wasn't until I had that feeling of, what I can only describe as, a complete void within my soul that I was able to start my own healing process. As a few have described, "rock bottom" is not a place it is a state of being. You don't need to be physically out on the street, homeless or living in squalor and in poor health to reach that place within yourself. Everyone of us is unique and experiences our own pain in different ways and at varying degrees. I could feel immense shame at simply steeling a pint of milk off someones doorstep whereas someone else would not. We each have a different sensitivity to our feelings and how we react to situations. A guy could be homeless and be quite happy with his situation, where I could be living in a house (all mod cons) and feel absolutely depressed and 'trapped'. So it is with this idea of "rock bottom". My rock bottom is going to be completely different to anyone else's. I may of gone through some of the physical symptoms that others have been through. I may have had the same emotional pain as others. But at what level these reach breaking point for me will depend on my own sensitivity. I am aware that most alcoholics and addicts I've come into contact with are highly sensitive people. I think to be honest that's why I drank because I was so sensitive and couldn't deal with my feelings in a healthy and constructive way. I felt I was in a catch 22 for a long time because the more shame I felt, the more I needed to drink. But each time I drank another layer was stripped from my essence that meant I was slowly finding it harder and harder to cope with life. As this process kept repeating itself it was slowly but surely taking me further and further to a place within myself that was stripping me of my soul. I couldn't live my life anymore in the delusion and denial that left me feeling completely worthless and so far removed from the essence of my being. All those previous attempts at stopping drinking were needed in order to get me to that place of complete surrender. I did surrender to a degree at that point but my head wanted to keep me in the delusion. I felt my soul was completely void but my brain was working overtime on trying to make me see that I still had many more drinking days left in me. I just needed respite AGAIN. It was at this point too that I went into treatment to address the behavioural aspects of my addiction.

    So my rock bottom came not through me cognitively thinking I'd had enough. NO! it came when I was 'soulless' and felt a huge void in my very being. I wasn't homeless, I wasn't constantly drinking EVERYDAY, I still had people that cared about me, I was still in contact with my daughter (JUST). I just felt void inside. It was that simple.

    I was actually at the time looking after a friends house whilst she was on holiday in Las Vegas. I had the house to myself and I drank the place dry and collapsed in a heap on the floor one morning whilst trying to drink a pint of milk. When I came round I just cried my eyes out because I knew I was beat. That feeling will stay with me for a long time because it's where I started to heal from.

    My wounds are my gifts to others today because without them I wouldn't be the man I am today. I'm grateful to have had that experience of death - surrender - rebirth. I've never been more in touch with who I am as a person today. I'm a long long way from being complete or whole but that's all part of the journey and I continue to learn more about ME the more I interact and connect with the world today.

    I believe that if I hadn't reached that place "rock bottom". I'd be sat here stuck in my delusional little bubble of denial waiting for my next relapse to happen. Yet I'd be convincing you and me that everything was A-OK!

    Love and Light
    Phil
    xx

  9. #18
    Registered User. gyco's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    interesting comments,mario you have come a long way,since you 1st came here,like many others,including myself,i beleive everyone has there opinion on bottom,not that i got there,i no many that have described those days as being good at times,no bills,no tax man,and i could go on,yes the many conditions that come with an addiction,are horrendous,im not drinking rite now,that is all i can do,i cant think of yesterday,it is over and like many have said some horrible memories,lets not forget the good ones,and tomorrow willbe another day,like today,so why worry of tomorrow,the moment i live in is all i got,anything more is to much,one of the things ive lerned of late is,it wasnt the drink,change is hard,change is an adiction as much as the drinking or drugging was,hope it makes sense gyco

  10. #19
    Registered User. OverIt2007's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    Good Topic!

    I have had so many "rock bottoms" but the most amazing part of them is that I am still alive!!!

    One of several "bad ones". I once passed out driving my car, in the freezing cold wintertime in Michigan. My car went off the road and down into a ditch. It was nighttime and the temperature was in the 0's.

    Someone just happened to come along, and pull me out of my car and drag me into their home, and to warmth. My car could have EASILY been covered by snow, and I would have simply died.

    Im positive the Good Lord has always looked after me all these years and through all the dangers I put myself and others through. I thank God I have never hurt anyone else, I would have rather died than that happen. For that, I am grateful to be here.

  11. #20
    Registered User. catch22's Avatar

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    What was your rock bottom

    Sometimes i Think to myself i hope this is my 'Rock Bottom' my last drunk how it sent me to a dark place of madness. But i do know i have a short Memory, i got to keep reminding myself that it not ok to drink. I can never say i will never drink again. But i do know i got to that Level you say Mario reaching out for help knowning i can't do this on my own i need to be with people that have the some problem and share face to face.
    Thanks for the post Mario.x

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