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    1. #21
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      What was your rock bottom

      I had a series of "bottoms" before I quit for good almost 2 years ago. I had a pretty severe relapse, an all night binge, when I finally decided that enough was enough. I vividly recall telling my husband that if I continued on this path, I would surely die. Whenever I even have a twinge of a craving or thought of drinking alcohol, I can easily recall that moment. I have too much lose.

      It is interesting to me how everyone's bottom is so different; like an elevator. Some go to the sub-basement while others stop at the lobby. My brother is addicted to pain meds. He was recently evicted from his apartment and has been in the hospital several times this year because of overdoses. He still does not "get" that he has a problem and needs to stop. He continues to blame his plight on everyone else.

    2. #22
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      What was your rock bottom

      Like Momof3, The term "Too much to Lose" rings loud with me too. I think we ALL have to much to lose.

      After I became a mother, I realized that this just isnt about me anymore. Its not just me that has too much to lose, its about the well being of my family that has too much to lose too!!

      Is that you in the picture running Momof3? You go gurl!!!

    3. #23
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      What was your rock bottom

      Having used alcohol for 30+ years I have had so many bottoms that I cannot count them. Yet, I have never been arrested, lost a job, been unable to pay bills or had any outward signs of a bottom. I have never drunk all day every day, but when I drink I usually drink till I pass out. It is just my own personal hell, the osing my soul and the essense of self that Hippie describes.

      I remember one time as I was waking up in the middle of the night after drinking myself into oblivion, I had a feeling of a dark spirit over me, and I was scared out of my mind. It occured to me that the spirit of alcohol is the dark shadow or dark spirit that separates me from my Higher Power. I consciously used my will to push the darkness away from me as it felt like it did not want to leave. Whew, yet I still drank again.

      The last bottom I had was less than a month ago. Did not mean to drink SEVEN martini's, but did. Could not remember the evening and I was out with people for the first time. Felt physically ill and emotionally and spiritually empty, void, except for negativity. What a disgrace, and at my age too. I vowed the next day that I cannot do this to myself again. I deserve to treat myself with love and respect.

      Day 25 AF and keeping that experience clear in my mind. Part of this illness is the forgetting of the reality of drinking. For all of us it is just not worth the short buzz of the first drink.

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    5. #24
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      What was your rock bottom

      [So my rock bottom came not through me cognitively thinking I'd had enough. NO! it came when I was 'soulless' and felt a huge void in my very being. I wasn't homeless, I wasn't constantly drinking EVERYDAY, I still had people that cared about me, I was still in contact with my daughter (JUST). I just felt void inside. It was that simple./]

    6. #25
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      What was your rock bottom

      Excellent post - just found it. I too have had many, many bottoms, but I still go back to the wine. I'm not a massive drinker - at least not in the same way as some here - but I know in myself that it's way too much. I have periods of not drinking, and then give in again. Clare, I understand how you feel, I constantly give up and then start again.

    7. #26
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      What was your rock bottom

      Just found this thread and feel so pleased I did as entering Day 3 AF. Reading these posts has reminded me of why I want to beat my alcohol abuse as I know that if I drink again I have too much to lose and I really don't want to lose my family or any more friends because of my drinking! You'd think just 3 days into this journey I could remember why I started, but it seems so much easier to put the reasons to succeed aside and believe I could moderate! No, for me I think it has to be AF!
      Thanks to you all
      ButterflyBe

    8. #27
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      What was your rock bottom

      I also just found this thread, and I find it interesting just how different we all feel about our rock bottom. I was like Rusty, I had a few glasses with my lunch and left to go to my Dr. Then went to my sisters work. From there we went to her house. Now I left home about 1 pm and got to my sisters house around 5:30. We had a glass of wine and I left. I should have been okay. Now please let me go back a week. I had a lung biopsy, which punctured my lung and was in hospital over night. I was on percisect and then at home oxycoton my spelling is bad, but you got the drift. I had not had any pain killers for a couple of days before I went to the Dr. I left my sisters around 7pm. Here is where I don't remember much. I was found quite a way from home by strangers who called the police. So from there I was taken to jail and had a breathilizer. Still waiting for my court date, but by the grace of God, I did not hurt anyone. The next day I put myself into detox for a week and have been AF since March 17th

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    10. #28
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      What was your rock bottom

      This is a very good thread for me to read from time to time to remind me of how powerful and devastating alcohol is.

      Another question comes to mind when I read the posts: How many bottoms do each of us we have in us? (before we die; hurt someone else, etc.). It is a bit like playing russian roulette.

    11. #29
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      What was your rock bottom

      M3, I hear this saying quite a bit:

      I know I have another drink in me. I just don't know if I have another recovery in me.
      I know how easy it would be to drink again. VERY. I just have no idea if I could manage to stop again - especially before serious consequences like the ones described on this thread.

      DG

    12. #30
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      What was your rock bottom

      What a great thread, just read through the whole thing. Thanks for this question Mario.

      I have had so many disgraceful experiences with AL for over 30 years, repeated over and over again....falling into campfires, blacking out and being dragged from bar to bar for hours not remembering a thing, violence, driving drunk, yet still functioning at paying bills, going to work, maintaining a home and thinking I "looked" like I had the most perfect life on earth (realize now sober that I probably wasn't really pulling that off as well as I thought I was).....so rock bottom never came from one isolated incident for me.

      It recently came when I realized I am about to turn 47 soon. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am the next bottle of wine....that is all I thought about all my waking hours...the next bottle of wine.....There were no longer good occassions where wine may be, it was what occassion can I conjure up now so that we can have wine? Occassions became one disaster after another but the wine was always constant.

      I was a really happy free-spirited child although hyper sensitive as someone else mentioned of many addicts. That free-spirit died inside me somewhere a long time ago though in a bottle.

      My rock bottom is wanting my spirit and soul back again. I want to be a whole human being again. I want to be Free. :lilangel:

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