4 Stages of recovery

[rie]

i have a friend (truly, it IS a friend) who was af for over 15 years. she thought that she could moderate but couldn't. she's now drinking daily--whatever she can get.

i don't think that there will ever be a time when i can drink and not get drunk. it's a scary, scary thing.

good luck to you on this journey unlike any other journey.

[mario]

rie;949123 wrote: i have a friend (truly, it IS a friend) who was af for over 15 years. she thought that she could moderate but couldn't. she's now drinking daily--whatever she can get.

i don't think that there will ever be a time when i can drink and not get drunk. it's a scary, scary thing.

good luck to you on this journey unlike any other journey.

For me i would like to think that drinking any alcohol or any amount of alcohol will never happen,i am finished with that poison,i dont miss it in any shape or glass and i am quite looking forward to living the rest of my years alcohol free, pity it didnt happen sooner for me.

[Cheyenne_5.07]

5 years to achieve "stable sobriety"? I toally believe that!

It's totally believable, but not scary, that it could take 5 years to become stable in sobriety!

Now that I'm almost 3 & 1/2 years without a drink, I feel like I'm just now really getting what sober living is. It's so much more than just not drinking, although that's really hard at first. It's about getting healthy physically, mentally, spiritually and socially, then living healthy too. And that takes time. It's about dealing with the past, facing my demons & becoming content with a past I regret (to quote a county song). I don't live in my past, but I don't deny it either. It's mine. I own it. I look at it as life lessons that I never want to repeat. That means I have to change. I need to practice living differently than how I used to. What's that saying? To do the same thing over and over but expect different results is insanity. So I've been trying to do things differently than I used to. Sometimes the results are great. Sometimes not so great. But at least there's a change, right? I mean, for every time we fail at something, we're that much closer to getting it right the next time we try.

There was a significant change in me recently. I realized that I can't always change things in my life that stress me out and challenge my mental & emotional sobriety. But sometimes I can... If I'm brave enough. I actually walked away from & basically severed ties with a family member (my mother) because the relationship was absolutely toxic to me. It was severely dysfunctional and codependent. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done without a drink. I mean really. Who disowns their mom? But once it was done, I can't even begin to describe the liberation! And it's so weird to say but since ending that insanity, it's like a switch turned on in my brain. I think with more clarity. My attitude is brighter. I'm finding motivation in so many areas of my life again. It was a necessary and, in my particular case, healthy move! No regrets.

Bottom line and back on topic... 5 years to find STABLE sobriety? Yup. I believe it and am looking forward to it!

Thanx for posting this topic. It's a wheel turner for me.

PeaceSeeking? Hang in there. We've all been where you are right now... several times. You're very brave to post but even more courageous to make this change. Remember, different behavior = different results. I'm excited for you

[mario]

Hi cheyenne welcome to mwo.
3 & half years is brilliant, i hope you keep posting and helping & showing us more ways to beat this monster.

[Cheyenne_5.07]

Awww, thanx Mario! I've actually been on and off again on this forum for several years. Sometimes sober. Sometimes not so sober. Problem is that I never kept record of my log in info so when I come back from time to time, I forget my user name. Wince. But I wrote it in a notebook this time! :H

This forum has been such a valuable tool for an alkie like me... along with Roberta's MWO program. I did the program a long time ago and although I think it's probably the most comprehensive way to stop drinking that I've ever tried, it just wasn't my time for long term sobriety... yet.

I can't even begin to guess how many HUNDREDS of times I "quit drinking" before it stuck. Ultimately everyone quits when they're good & ready. For me it was a timing thing. I had 2 or 3 shaky hands days without a drink under my belt when someone approached me with one of those work from home "opportunities". I got all revved up about it and dove in head first. It was delightfully distracting and gave me something fun to focus all my non-drinking time on. Naturally I spent more money on my new home biz than I made. But hey... It was cheaper than rehab! And it was an easy addiction substitution because I enjoyed it.

Speaking of addiction substitution/transference, after shutting down my home biz I picked up an online gaming addiction. Did anyone else here substitute addictions? My doc seems to think it's better than drinking, but lately I've been feeling a need to taper it off some. Sigh... Once an addict always an addict? Or can we really ever be addiction free?

[spacie]

Hello everyone,

Spacie here, I like PeaceSeeking am picking myself back up. Being AF for 1242 days I tricked myself into thinking I could have a glass of champagne new years eve 2010. Now it's September and I've been binge drinking and hate not having control. So here I am ready to get back to counting my AF days. When I looked back at the calendar for some reason I stopped counting the days and for me I think that was probably a big mistake. Anyway onward and upward I hope you all don't mind my joining you for awhile.

[mario]

Your more than welcome spacie, post & share & read, This community is great.hope to see you around you to cheyenne, :-)

[Cheyenne_5.07]

Spacie... oh man I can feel your pain. Our addiction is like the devil on our shoulder. We get some AF time under our belt, make a little personal progress in our lives and BAM! It gets in our ear & tells us, "See? You can be sober. You're strong now. Go ahead. Have just one drink. You can stop."

Lying SOB! If we could stop at just one drink we wouldn't be addicts! Our addiction is a life long arch nemesis. It would love nothing more than to trick us into drinking our kryptonite. All it has to do in order to destroy us, is to talk us into that first drink. We pretty much self destruct from there.

You know what I'm talking about, right? That downward spiral... Take a drink... or two... or twenty... feel bad about it the next day... beat ourselves up over it... swear off until the shakes start... or until we can't bear the hangover any longer and decide it'd be ok to just have a hair of the dog to get thru the day... only to wake up the next day wondering where that empty bottle or all those empty cans came from... feeling like sh*t... swearing off again. It's a self perpetuating cycle of self abuse. And before we know it, our whole lives are circling the drain... again. Relationships falter, jobs are on the line, money issues creep up and we are drowning in self loathing because in essence we did all that to ourselves... and to our loved ones.

Spacie? I'm so glad you're here! Please don't beat yourself up over this life lesson. For whatever reason you needed one last slip to secure your lifelong sobriety. I'm convinced you'll be stronger on the other side of this. Remember... the only thing you have to do right now... is to not drink today. You've had over 3 years sober. That's amazing and wonderful! I hope that encourages you in knowing you can do this. Please take advantage of this forum and post often. Even if it's just to say, "I'm breathing, but I'm not happy about it". It's so much better to be among supportive people like this forum has than to try to do this alone.

You too PeaceSeeker!

[mario]

Bump

[clare]

Bump.