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    1. #11
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      Lavande's Avatar

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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      Coalfire,

      I managed to turn any resentment feelings I hadin the beginning into feelings of Gratitude!
      I am so incredibly relived & grateful to be in control of my life again, healthy & happy the way I should be
      If other people want to drink, let them drink, it just doesn't matter to me anymore.

    2. #12
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      resentment

      Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

    3. #13
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      eldanielese;1056946 wrote: Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
      I love that saying.

      Coalfire, I also liked your post about things we would NEVER resent (sounds insane to say it) but we have resentment surrounding AL.

      I go to AA and in the Big Book, there is mention that resentment is the #1 enemy of the alcoholic. I know I sure drank a LOT over various and assundry resentments over the years. I won't say I never get a resentment, but it's sure an area I'm working on. The serenity prayer and my gratitude list are my friends.

      DG

    4. #14
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      Letting go of the resentments if probably one of the hardest things to do. We all get that from time to time no matter how sober we are. It's what we do with them that counts.

      Most of my resentments stem from old fears. When I find I have a resentment it's usually because someone has 'pushed my buttons'. This usually taps straight into old familiar feelings of not being good enough, of being judged, of being weak, of not being loved etc. etc. All those horrible feelings I used to get that basically said "I don't belong".

      It's kind of like having a load of nerve endings and each one is a path to some incident from my past that when people push those buttons It brings about a feeling I associate with that. I know I can't cut out all the nerve endings because I'll end up not feeling anything at all. I Might as well take a load of prozac and have done with it and just numb my feelings. That's no way to live though. For me personally I need to take action with a resentment and talk to someone immediately about it before it gets way out of hand up there in my head!!. I can completely catastrophize things in a matter of minutes. I will say though after 2 years being sober those buttons may still get pushed just as hard as they did when I was drinking. I just don't react as much anymore because the wiring of my nerves is starting to change.

      Hope that makes sense!

      Many Blessings
      Phil

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    6. #15
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      I just stumbled upon this thread today and so happy i did. I noticed in the last couple weeks that I do feel resentment towards others that can drink "normally", even if it only lasts a little while, that in itself puts me on a very slippery slope.

      Thank you all you wonderful abstainers for your words of wisdom that I really needed to read today! I will be talking about this in my AA meeting tonight.

    7. #16
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      hippie37;1060961 wrote: Letting go of the resentments if probably one of the hardest things to do. We all get that from time to time no matter how sober we are. It's what we do with them that counts.

      Most of my resentments stem from old fears. When I find I have a resentment it's usually because someone has 'pushed my buttons'. This usually taps straight into old familiar feelings of not being good enough, of being judged, of being weak, of not being loved etc. etc. All those horrible feelings I used to get that basically said "I don't belong".

      It's kind of like having a load of nerve endings and each one is a path to some incident from my past that when people push those buttons It brings about a feeling I associate with that. I know I can't cut out all the nerve endings because I'll end up not feeling anything at all. I Might as well take a load of prozac and have done with it and just numb my feelings. That's no way to live though. For me personally I need to take action with a resentment and talk to someone immediately about it before it gets way out of hand up there in my head!!. I can completely catastrophize things in a matter of minutes. I will say though after 2 years being sober those buttons may still get pushed just as hard as they did when I was drinking. I just don't react as much anymore because the wiring of my nerves is starting to change.

      Hope that makes sense!

      Many Blessings
      Phil
      Perfect sense! Good to see you!

    8. #17
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      Thanks for all your posts. Its good to hear all your thoughts as people click on to the thread. For me my resentment is not directed at anyone else. Its more a "why did this have to be me/why cant I be a normie? type of resentment-more a "howling at the moon" type of resentment. I am loads better than I was on the issue but It still gets to me at times to be honest. Ireland has such a pub culture. It can be hard sometimes to step out of it but Im not going to emigrate so Im just going to have to deal with it.There are 17 pubs in my town and not even 1 cinema so you are really swimming against the flow. The only sober people I know are children! I really have to work on it week in week out. I wish resentful thoughts would go away and leave me in peace. Maybe some day.... Its really interesting to hear that AA say that resentment is the number 1 enemy of the alcoholic. I wonder do they mean my type of resentment? Anyway all things considered Im still in good form. At least the awful physical cravings have gone. Thank God! Does anyone else struggle with "howling at the moon "days? For the long term abstainers-if you have had these days do they get better in time? Please tell me the truth and dont just say yes! I would rather plan my sobriety based on an honest view of the future. If I know Im always going to have thoughts like this then I need to build round that right from the very start. Thanks.

    9. #18
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      I am replying to myself here(hope thats not a sign of impending madness) but as you can probably tell this is my current issue and I am doing some serious reflecting on it to hopefully help me to overcome this stage and move on. Anyway I found this on a AA website and it sort of reached me-


      "Many people in the world know they cannot eat certain foods ? oysters or strawberries or eggs or cucumbers or sugar or something else ? without getting very uncomfortable and maybe even quite sick.

      A person with a food allergy of this kind can go around feeling a lot of self-pity, complaining to everyone that he or she is unfairly deprived, and constantly whining about not being able, or allowed, to eat something delicious.

      Obviously, even though we may feel cheated, it isn't wise to ignore our own physiological makeup. If our limitations are ignored, severe discomfort or illness may result. To stay healthy and reasonably happy, we must learn to live with the bodies we have.

      One of the new thinking habits a recovering alcoholic can develop is a calm view of himself or herself as someone who needs to avoid chemicals (alcohol and other drugs that are substitutes for it) if he or she wants to maintain good health."

      Hmm methinks I see myself. " We must learn to live with the bodies we have" I like that. Ok its time to take this tired body off to bed. Its nearly midnight here in Ireland.

    10. #19
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      Hi Coalfire. I will answer your question about AA's take on resentment to the best of my understanding.

      I believe that is ALL types of resentment. There is discussion in the Big Book and other materials surrounding Step 4 (inventory) suggesting we consider ALL forms of resentment against people, and "institutions" which I believe includes ideas. "Local pub culture" I believe would qualify as a resentment to be listed and subsequently dealt with. Depending on people's personal experience, they may have resentment towards groups of people such as police officers (i.e. someone with DUI history) or other groups.

      I have learned that the reason for the resentment doesn't matter. A "justified" resentment (i.e. someone has "done me wrong" and I have "every right" to be mad) is JUST as dangerous for me as a silly or unfounded resentment (i.e. I don't like my neighbor because she has red hair).

      When I first started exploring this topic in AA, I was really rolling my eyes - especially over the idea that I needed to work as a priority of letting resentments go - especially the "justifed" ones. But indeed, as I have unloaded these burdens from my mind and my life, I am feeling more of that peace and serenity I have always craved.

      I would welcome others who have worked on this in AA to also post - I'm new at it and certainly capable of misunderstanding!

      DG

    11. #20
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      Your thoughts on resentment.

      Coalfire, I thought of you today as a relevant example came up at my morning AA meeting.

      LOL, one of the guys is a working comedian (local around Chicago metro area) and he spoke of occassionally feeling resentment at the crowds who are drinking as he entertains them. He said "someday I want to fill a room with people who are all allergic to peanuts. And then I'm going to eat a whole bag of peanuts while they watch me." :H:H

      He was being tongue in cheek but it was funny! It also made me think that if everyone who had a food allergy was resentful towards those who could eat their allergen foods, they would spend a lot of time in uneccesary misery. For me, that was a thought provoking way to look at it.

      DG

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