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    1. #1
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      September Mod Squad

      hey Modders!
      is the name okay?
      Still waiting by the phone about my job apps! It creates a weird energy, and I am not being smart with my time. Instead, I feel paralyzed!
      How is everyone today?

    2. #2
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      September Mod Squad

      Thanks for starting us for Sept, Lila! Like the name just fine and it's what I want to continue to do - MOD. Dh and I are adjusting to retirement, we are certainly still very busy, and we still enjoy coming together to discuss day over a glass of wine before dinner. Many times we choose Diet Tonic or a non-alcoholic beer, but I don't even want to be in position of saying I only drink on weekends because then it's like I screwed up when it's Wed. Besides, you know what they say about retirees - we don't know what day it is! Seriously, having addressed the issue of "too much, too often" we've kind of settled into rarely, rarely too much and it is less often.

      Hope you hear soon on the job, Lila. It's kind of like watching the kettle boil, huh.

      Rebirth - You have to feel so good about yourself in that you haven't caved. I sometimes read on here somebody going to the WTF place and throwing it out the window. Not criticizing anybody, can get a person can feel that way.

      4me - You're going to go on vaca, then start AF Sept 20th? That is my son's 43rd b.d. Yes, yes, I started young. LOL Plan prior to trip is like Rebirth, allow drinking on weekends only?

      TMH

    3. #3
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      Hey I like the name of the thread. Really cool. Makes us more established!

      Hi 4me and TMH.

      Did you get the job Lila?

      I am feeling more upbeat today. I think it's the healthy living and exercising again that's making me feel better. I was invited to an opening of a designer bag shop and they had champagne and canapes. I was astonishingly good! Did not touch a glass and had ONE canapy. Lol. I did buy two bags that I didnt need so I wasnt that perfect. But they are lovely bags though..got a bag fetish..and shoes.

      Anyway, my ex partner is coming over tomorrow to collect his belongings and return my door key. This is going to be heart wrenching so I am expecting to be mentally exhausted and sad by the end of the evening.
      So to look after myself I will treat myself to my friday couple of glasses of wine and a long hot bath. That should make me feel less stressed.

      Will let you know what happens tomorrow. Hopefully he wont freak out too much. Oh God I am dreading it....

    4. #4
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      Rebirth, I like your quote! Yeah, isn't the name great? Be strong tomorrow. I can't even imagine, really. Although I was married for over a decade, I don't have a lot of experience with relationships and all. I would like to feel as strong as you right now.
      TMH, how is Florida? Is it steamy? What is in your backyard? (I want to live there vicariously through you)
      Modders, they emailed me and said they had part time jobs, was I interested? I am, cuz I really want the experience. I emailed back that yes, I did. And then nothing. That was Thursday. This is a big school district, so maybe bureaucracies move slowly.
      Meanwhile, in the waiting, I am getting depressed. It is not sadness, just like I cannot function. The kids were at their dad's and I did nothing. I could have painted the bathroom, and gone to IKEA and put in shelving, etc, weeded my roses, worked on my lawn, anything. Met with friends. But, no! I just have been laying on the couch. My neighbor who I am close to, said people have a hard time with transitions, the unknown. Ha! Maybe some more than others. And now I found out I have way more in my bank account than I thought. But instead of being happy, I am freaking out. I am confused and can't look into it. I guess I am just an emotional person. I feel like nobody is happier than me when things are good, I feel lucky, great, blessed, but this just hit me over the head, ever since I applied for a job, I have been miserable.
      But I know that feelings come and go, this will certainly pass. I am almost looking forward to the briskness of fall, that feeling of new beginnings. Amazing how depressive episodes knock a person down. THis hasn't happened to me in a long time. I feel bad for the people who have this a lot. It is awful! But I feel good mornings, usually.

    5. #5
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      hi folks
      rebirth, i'm sure tomorrow will be difficult. just keep it brief and business-like if you can to minimize the emotional hardship of it. i think 2 glasses of wine and a hot bath afterwards sounds like a great idea.
      i hope it goes smoothly.

      TMH - i wish i was retired. i'm late 40's so, maybe one day however, i have to admit that i have thought about how everyday must seem like a friday night when you're retired, so i'd probably fall into that everynight glass(or 3) of wine. well, i have some time to work that out before it gets here

      lila - sorry you're blue. be kind to yourself.

      i'm doing ok. this is my fourth week of no drinks on weeknights. however, i did allow myself one glass of wine with dinner last night because the in-laws came in town. i actually had 1 and a half, so i went over my limit, but i can live with that.
      i went AF tonight while they all had wine with dinner.
      i must say, i'm looking forward to the weekend again. this may be an issue i have to explore.

      so, since aug 9th i have gone from 2-3 glasses of wine a night, to zero 4 nights a week, and 2-3 weekend nights only. is that good?

    6. #6
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      Lila- Got another quote for you..

      Be constructive- Clear the mind of can't.

      Awww. Sending you a hug as it's not easy to function when you battle with depression. I just hope this one wont stay too long. You seem to get them every now and again which is better than being permanently depressed. It must be awful to feel depressed all the time. I get the occassional moment when I am sad and it's very difficult to get and do things. Are you still taking your medication?

      LGL- Thats FANTASTIC the way you have cut down. Great determination and willpower. You will find that you will automatically become use to yur new pattern. When monday comes my body stops craving alcohol now..So when you mod on the weekends, how much do you allow yourself to drink?

      My boyfriend hasnt arrived yet. Oh I am nervous about our meet.

    7. #7
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      LGL, I think that is great! Be proud!
      Rebirth, how did it go?
      Yesterday, I took my daughter to the Fair, and that was good. Maybe I will get back to exercising, push myself. And journal again.
      I take st johns wort and Sam-e. And tyrosine. Thanks for the quote, maybe I just am not feeling powerful.

    8. #8
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      Hey modders.

      Yesterday was very very painful. My partner looked so broken. I have never seen him cry so much. It was awful. It was so difficult to not want to hold him and say that I am still there for him because I had to stand my ground. He is currently seeing a counsellor for his drinking and has not drank since we came back from holiday. But I still could'nt take him back. I have lost my trust in him..Oh it was awful.

      When he left I felt so weird. So confused and sad.So instead of the couple glasses of wine I had planned, I drank the whole bottle and ended up dancing in the living room till midnight, crying and dancing. No one could have stopped me. I just wanted to get steaming drunk

      I now have a hangover and I am only half productive at work today. Serves me right! Anyway, lesson learnt and I will moderate for the rest of the weekend.

      x

    9. #9
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      September Mod Squad

      It's steamy now! Was pleasant playing golf this a.m. Participated in Folds of Honors Event, charity for military families. Get time to rest this afternoon, clean up and go to karaoke tonite complete with pasta bar. Dh is excited as U of M Gophers Football is being nationally televised this afternoon. We had Gopher football season tickets.
      Lila - since you asked - description of our place: we have a condo so not able to plant anything outside. Our lanai looks over a jogging/biking path & wooden bridge with a preserve surrounding it (oak trees and palm trees); we face east so see beautiful sunrises. Right next to our bldg of 4 units are lots of tall palms. What's neat is the flowers out front will be there come winter. We have gardenia bushes beside the garage. The white ones are fragrant & I often pick them & place in our bathrooms. This is the one we live in. The 2nd unit overlooks 5th hole of golf course and a pond. We watched an alligator the other day. This unit faces west so we see beautiful sunsets. 1st unit is on upper level; 2nd one is lower level - did that by design, thankful to be healthy now but who knows in 10 years, will we want to be climbing stairs? Have had those 'down' periods too; it's no fun! Mine was often connected with endless gray days as in SAD. Here's hopinig your depression lifts TODAY!
      LGL - It's true about the everyday can be a Friday and it's 5:00 somewhere retirement syndrome. I'm determined to do better this week. Last night was 3 glasses of wine; dh ordered one at dinner for us that I would have preferred not having as I took one into dinner. We discussed today; sure he was being thoughtful, and alas he didn't pour it down my throat, I did willingly drink it. You're doing spectacular with your plan!!! Kudos to you!
      Rebirth
      - hugs, girl! There was such a buildup of anticipation, tension and when all was said & done, you just let loose. That's ok!!!! You have been perfect with your moderating for, what 10 months? That is so inspiring to all of us! You'll get right back with your program. You're hurting and just didn't want to hurt so much for a little bit and, of course, today you hurt in a different way. We're still very proud of you.

      TMH

    10. #10
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      September Mod Squad

      TMH, sounds so fun! What is a lanai?
      Rebirth, so sorry! I thought it was going to be tough...how are you doing now?
      Today i am not so bad, I had some people over and had some good laughs.
      Have to go, back later

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