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  1. #161
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    Hi all - just checking in. Had some busy times at work but we were all very happy because we won the contract for the proposal that we worked so hard on back in mid to late August. I still read all over these threads because I get so much from hearing experiences. I don't feel very comfortable posting in many places for some reason anymore. I've been moderating successfully for almost a year now and in the early months I posted on newbies nest anyway but I just didn't mention my situation. Then lately I've been thinking about people who might decide to just look back on me and my posts (which is something you can do here pretty easily) and see that I've moderated and think they can try it to when really they can't. So now I just don't post much in other places anymore. Pretty much not at all but I do post on the gratitude is an attitude thread. Anyway. It is what it is :-)

    It's interesting how just quitting entirely is so hard for so many (me included). Especially those who really would prefer not to be doing it at all. Kensho at one point tried to moderate but then when she drank she was always unhappy about it, every time. And she realized that when she let herself drink she started thinking about it more and more and limiting to once a month, which was her goal, was not going to be possible. So she decided to quit entirely. Probably the best approach for most people!

    Stewart you mentioned that you wish you had none of those drinking days - I think the more you say no the more practice you get and the easier it becomes. I dont' go out as much as you so I'm sure it's a lot easier for me because of that. I do wonder sometimes if I was in situations where the drinks were flowing more frequently, how would I do? I can't imagine being in NYC with an active social life and how hard that would be! For now, I'm just glad I don't drink daily at home anymore! My last drink was 12 days ago at a baseball game and I have been to one work happy hour since then where I didn't drink, just asked for a cranberry and soda with lime. I'm doing pretty well sticking to only drinking a couple of times a month, and then only 1-2 drinks max.

    TMH, yes, the social situations are when I allow myself to drink, but not every time. And like I said, I do worry about how I'll do if my social situation changes and I wind up have more social occasions than I do now. I guess I'll handle that if and when the time comes!

    Blue - hope you're doing OK and that your sister is too!
    Last edited by frances; October 4th, 2015 at 08:50 AM.

  2. #162
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    We found out on Friday that my sister has been drinking again for about a year! She didn't tell us....her doctor told her daughter....she doesn't even know that we know. Her doctor had been trying to reach her daughter for months....my sister had gave her the wrong number.
    The doctor found out cause my sisters boyfriend was speaking Spanish telling my sister not to tell that she had been drinking....and the doctor speaks Spanish and understood everything they were saying...
    She was already diagnosed with cirrhosis!!!!
    And she was missing a lot of her dialysis which is causing more damage....it doesn't look good....
    Plus she can't get around so that means her boyfriend has been getting the alcohol for her!
    ADDICTION IS REALLY AWFUL!!!!!

  3. #163
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    I'm so sorry to hear that Blue, that is so terrible and heartbreaking. It is unbelievable the grip that alcohol can get on people. Truly frightening. You will both be in my prayers.

    Quote Originally Posted by blue1 View Post
    ADDICTION IS REALLY AWFUL!!!!!

    So sad and so true.

  4. #164
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    Today I'm feeling pretty stressed. My teenage daughter has been dealing with a group of girls that are treating her meanly and she is doing her best not to let it get to her, but it is. I just want to intervene and yell at the girls and tell their parents what jerks their daughters are being and how truly hateful and malicious they are, but I can't do that. I am so saddened that she is the one they are targeting and she has no idea what she did to make them act this way toward her. One treated her badly last year and my daughter decided not to be friends with her anymore, but they were at least sort of civil to each other (they play on the same sports team). But now, that girl and her 'followers' are not being civil and they are being downright malicious. Anyway it's heartwrenching to see her so confused and hurt. I wish I could help her. I know for myself if someone was treating me badly and there was no reason for it (in fact I've been there a couple of times), I obsess about it and wonder what the heck I did. But it is all a waste of time because there will always be people who decide to hate and there is nothing you can do differently to make them change. Their change has to come from themselves, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, I needed to vent. I dropped her at a true friend's house this evening, and they are making brownies so maybe that will cheer her up. I'm glad to be able to come here and get that off of my chest, I needed to do that - and I was thinking for the first time in ages that I wanted a drink (due to the stress of thinking and worrying about this) and I am not going to do it. I'm going to make a cup of tea. Because if I go down that path of drinking for these types of things, I might go back to drinking for just about anything, and I don't want to do that...I don't trust myself enough yet to let myself drink now even though probably a 'normal' drinker might do that. Anyway, again, just venting. Gonna go make that cup of tea.

    Blue, this problem is so small compared to what you are going through. I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.

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  6. #165
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    Wow, I was going to check-in with something, but it is nothing compared to what I see. Frances, kids are mean, especially teenage girls...that really sucks. blue, yes, that is unsettling news. I had a friend a couple of years ago that fell to the same fate, and, I just need to be blunt and honest, he didn't make it.

    I feel embarrassed to share what I have. I went to the Yankee game with some grad school friends. Yes, I did drink and feel sluggish today. I went to my therapist today and we were talking about a whole bunch of things. I have this one class which is a personal development class, which is good, but sometime the professor has this "if you haven't made the right decisions by forty your doomed vibe," sometimes... anyway, we were talking about how you get older, it;s hard to simply go with the flow... taking care of yourself becomes even more important. That's what I was thinking about this morning, which is probably the them of my last several posts... you'd think I'd learn by now.. lol

    j.

  7. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by frances View Post
    Today I'm feeling pretty stressed. My teenage daughter has been dealing with a group of girls that are treating her meanly and she is doing her best not to let it get to her, but it is. I just want to intervene and yell at the girls and tell their parents what jerks their daughters are being and how truly hateful and malicious they are, but I can't do that. I am so saddened that she is the one they are targeting and she has no idea what she did to make them act this way toward her. One treated her badly last year and my daughter decided not to be friends with her anymore, but they were at least sort of civil to each other (they play on the same sports team). But now, that girl and her 'followers' are not being civil and they are being downright malicious. Anyway it's heartwrenching to see her so confused and hurt. I wish I could help her. I know for myself if someone was treating me badly and there was no reason for it (in fact I've been there a couple of times), I obsess about it and wonder what the heck I did. But it is all a waste of time because there will always be people who decide to hate and there is nothing you can do differently to make them change. Their change has to come from themselves, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, I needed to vent. I dropped her at a true friend's house this evening, and they are making brownies so maybe that will cheer her up. I'm glad to be able to come here and get that off of my chest, I needed to do that - and I was thinking for the first time in ages that I wanted a drink (due to the stress of thinking and worrying about this) and I am not going to do it. I'm going to make a cup of tea. Because if I go down that path of drinking for these types of things, I might go back to drinking for just about anything, and I don't want to do that...I don't trust myself enough yet to let myself drink now even though probably a 'normal' drinker might do that. Anyway, again, just venting. Gonna go make that cup of tea.

    Blue, this problem is so small compared to what you are going through. I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.
    Frances I really want to thank you for all your support...you are such a positive person!!!!! VENT ALL YOU WANT!!!!! I will be praying for you guys too....I know you want to get those mean A$$ girls....I would like to join you! Glad she has a true friend that's there for her. Does she have to be around those girls?

  8. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by frances View Post
    Today I'm feeling pretty stressed. My teenage daughter has been dealing with a group of girls that are treating her meanly and she is doing her best not to let it get to her, but it is. I just want to intervene and yell at the girls and tell their parents what jerks their daughters are being and how truly hateful and malicious they are, but I can't do that. I am so saddened that she is the one they are targeting and she has no idea what she did to make them act this way toward her. One treated her badly last year and my daughter decided not to be friends with her anymore, but they were at least sort of civil to each other (they play on the same sports team). But now, that girl and her 'followers' are not being civil and they are being downright malicious. Anyway it's heartwrenching to see her so confused and hurt. I wish I could help her. I know for myself if someone was treating me badly and there was no reason for it (in fact I've been there a couple of times), I obsess about it and wonder what the heck I did. But it is all a waste of time because there will always be people who decide to hate and there is nothing you can do differently to make them change. Their change has to come from themselves, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, I needed to vent. I dropped her at a true friend's house this evening, and they are making brownies so maybe that will cheer her up. I'm glad to be able to come here and get that off of my chest, I needed to do that - and I was thinking for the first time in ages that I wanted a drink (due to the stress of thinking and worrying about this) and I am not going to do it. I'm going to make a cup of tea. Because if I go down that path of drinking for these types of things, I might go back to drinking for just about anything, and I don't want to do that...I don't trust myself enough yet to let myself drink now even though probably a 'normal' drinker might do that. Anyway, again, just venting. Gonna go make that cup of tea.

    Blue, this problem is so small compared to what you are going through. I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.
    Hope you didn't drink....and enjoyed your tea!

  9. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewarts View Post
    Wow, I was going to check-in with something, but it is nothing compared to what I see. Frances, kids are mean, especially teenage girls...that really sucks. blue, yes, that is unsettling news. I had a friend a couple of years ago that fell to the same fate, and, I just need to be blunt and honest, he didn't make it.

    I feel embarrassed to share what I have. I went to the Yankee game with some grad school friends. Yes, I did drink and feel sluggish today. I went to my therapist today and we were talking about a whole bunch of things. I have this one class which is a personal development class, which is good, but sometime the professor has this "if you haven't made the right decisions by forty your doomed vibe," sometimes... anyway, we were talking about how you get older, it;s hard to simply go with the flow... taking care of yourself becomes even more important. That's what I was thinking about this morning, which is probably the them of my last several posts... you'd think I'd learn by now.. lol

    j.
    Yeah Stew....it is very scary! But I keep reminding myself that we can't change anybody but ourselves....and even that doesn't work sometimes.
    I am nowhere near where I won't to be....but I just keep trying! But I refuse to beat myself up about it....live is too short....and I feel like if I give up the things that I enjoy and most of the time makes me and die unhappy....I'LL BE PISSED!!!! So.....one day at a time!

  10. #169
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    Hi there - yes, the tea was very good thanks for asking. It wasn't the same as AL, but it calmed me down. I worried about the situation all last night and today too. My daughter seemed better last night after spending time with her friend, and she seemed OK when I picked her up today. Yes, she has to be around the mean girls because they're on the same team (so she wants to quit but she knows that would be a victory for them so I really hope it doesn't come to that!). I got to talk to a friend of mine who I knew had similar issues with her daughter, so that helped too, and she had some good advice. Teenage girls can be truly horrible people. Of course grown ups can be too and I guess maybe the ones who are horrible as teens grow up to be horrible...I wonder if that's true...I wonder if there's any study of that and how that would be identified. Like a survey sent to people...were you a terrible person as a kid and then another question - are you a terrible person now? how would they answer that? LOL!

    Stew - I know what you mean about changes as you get older. It's hard for me because I honestly was such a partier. Give me a drink, and another, and another, PLEASE! And now I pretty much don't drink. And I kind of feel grown up now (I turn 50 this month by the way LOL) more than I have before. It's a good feeling. And not ever regretting when I don't drink is also good (in fact I don't regret when I do now either because it's so rare and I never overdo it). Anyway I hope you can get there!

    And Blue - I totally see where you're coming from about not giving up things you enjoy. Usually when folks come here to quit or even to moderate it's because it's not enjoyable anymore, or that at least it's more NOT enjoyable then it is enjoyable. You know? But if you don't feel that way but just want to cut back for health or other reasons, I totally understand your attitude. I hope your sister's doing better.

    I'm having a tough week with work and my daughter's stuff. Glad today's hump day!

  11. #170
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    blue, good points, I started coming here because things weren't fun anymore. It wasn't that i was getting so wild (like in my youth) and doing crazy things, it was the getting tired and being sick and tired.

    So, last night I thought I was doing good, but then a woman had to come into the picture (and not my gf). I went to an event, then out with some of the young guys from my office, just to gave a few beers and I was kind of tired. One from another shop who I know well met us. He was happy to see me, said I looked a little out of it, and responded with, "Nah, I'm just kind of tired." which was the truth. Then next thing he said didn't suprirse me, he offered me some cocaine. I laughed and said, "Nah, I'm good, definitely want to sleep tonight." I don't mess around with stuff like that anymore, I haven't for a long time. The last few times I did, and it wasn't even a lot, made me real sick the next day. I said to my friend, "I'm sure these guys wouldn't mind a little pick-up." The other guys were more his peer group, I was the oldest there at 40. He laughed and said, "f#$% these clowns, you definitely any time, but screw these tools," we had a laugh about that. One of the kids in my office started getting friendlier with him, which didn't surprise me, they were cut from the same cloth, so he got "hooked up".

    I was good and left and got home at a good hour and about to settle down, until my phone started getting texts from this young girl I used to well, just sleep with, really, we never really dated, just fbs I guess. She was having all these trust-fund baby problems after turning "29" and being all depressed, and her mom making her crazy, etc. I agree to meet her out if it's near my place. You all know where this is going. I'll just cut to the chase, we're eventually back at my place. She is resistant and keeps telling me that I have a girlfriend (which I do), but I of course I lie and say I don't. I did have a a few beers when I was out with there. Eventually, we get to bed. She lives in the village, so I told her she could stay, but she said she called an uber and would go home. I was actually relieved. I shouldn't have had sex with this girl, let alone let her stay over. But by now it is 2:30 in the am. I have no regrets. My gf doesn't live with me yet and if this relationship is going where I think it is, she's going to be with me for a very long time - which I guess is good, it's in my nature to have fun before that, I guess.

    I woke up ok, a little later than I wanted to. I went for an amazing 5 mile run around lunch time. Now, well, I am just beat! No anxiety, no mental issues, just beat... I am going to be like such a log when i get to my gfs place tonight, I hope she's not pissed.. hahaha..

    getting old sucks

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