I don't want to be totally AF......,

[Search4me]

Dear frances - Im new to this site. I search for others who have had success with occasional drinking. Your post is an uplifting surprise. I use to drink a bottle of wine many nights a week, one glass would lead to the entire bottle. Luckily I realized the trouble I had fallen into and the problems I caused (Drunk) which headed me down a path of research and abstinence. Months later, struggling with the missing (celebratory) glass of wine, I started to test my ability to control drink. I have experienced several successful days of control drinking (2 glasses) and do not have a problem returning to abstinence. However, I need help finding others, research material and programs to assist me with this option. I don't want to fall back into old habits and I truly do not want to give up the ability to enjoy wine with an occasional dinner. I would appreciate any and all information you can share with me. Thank you

[Search4me]

I'm new at attempting to control drink. I would like to know what kind of drinker you were before this was successful for you.

[Search4me]

Have any of you experienced heavy enough drinking that it became a real problem in your life, than, successfully made it to a life of moderate or controlled drinking? Might seem like a strange question, but I would love to know some of your stories. I can abstain & control drink, however, when I fail to control & binge I'm a mean drunk and well, the rest is obvious. Any fellow drinkers out there with some advice so I don't have to go totally AF?

[frances]

Hi Search4me - so sorry your posts have gone unanswered these past few days! I was out of town and not online over the weekend.

To answer your question about what kind of drinker I was - I was a daily drinker. I frequently drank a bottle or more a night. Never less than two glasses that's for sure but two was rare. 3-6 drinks a night was the norm during the week. On weekends more. I did not go a day without a drink. It got to the point that I bought wine for the drive home from work (I had a long commute) on a regular basis. On weekends I would get home from church and have a drink (right around noon, sometimes earlier).

Getting really wasted drunk was not something I did very often but it did happen on occasion (a couple times a year or so). But every day, after work, I just didn't feel 'normal' until I had a drink. On weekends it was the same, though it started earlier. I have two kids and they play sports - when I took them to games for warm ups I would go get a drink before heading back for when the game started. Everything I did revolved around drinking and I couldn't stand the thought of going somewhere if I couldn't have a drink.

Before getting to the place I am now, I abstained completely for 9 full months. And now, I don't drink often although lately it's been just about every weekend. It's been about 2 1/2 years (including the 9 months) – I don’t drink when I’m just at home like I used to. If I do, it’s because I’m out to dinner or there’s some ‘occasion’. I went back and found an older post of mine that describes some thoughts I had that still hold true"

“I'm really trying not to kid myself because I've tried moderating before unsuccessfully - in those cases I think there were a couple of key differences: 1) I didn't have enough AF time under my belt. This time I had 9 months. 2) I went directly right back to drinking regularly but just trying to drink less quantity. Well that didn't work at all. So now, I'm trying just having one drink on a very rare occasion.”

My thing is that if I let myself drink more often than every week or two (and only one or two on those occasions) – then I think I might get back where I was, and I don’t want to do that.

The thing that you need to be aware of is that for most people this doesn’t work. I’m not sure why it’s been working for me so far but I do feel like my "brain" is different. I don’t think about it like I did, I am able to stop after one or two, I don’t want it all the time any more. I honestly feel free now. But if you are thinking about it all the time and living life around these rules that you make, then many people just get 1) tired of doing that all the time, and 2) back to where they were…in other words, it doesn’t work for them.

I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t say that, but that being said, if you think you can do this and you want to try, I will definitely support you all the way!! I will say that for me, I really really think that the 9 months without drinking at all had a lot to do with me being able to get here – I broke down those habits I had developed.

As for your question about research and programs - I don't have a lot to help you there - only my own experience. Others on this site have not had as much success from what I've observed and what they've shared - - but they are trying. one person who was a very active moderator for at least a couple of years finally decided to go AF because she was not totally successful and found herself overdoing it more often than she wanted to. She was 'Eve11' and then came back as 'Addy' (all done drinking, yes) - her posts might be helpful to you.

I look forward to hearing more from you and how things are going!

[frances]

Good morning out there! Just checking in, for myself if nothing else. I read regularly. Things are continuing to go well for me - with softball tourneys out of town almost every weekend and with team dinners, etc. I have typically been having a drink or two during those outings. So lately I have had a drink just about every weekend. This weekend is an 'off' weekend for softball so I haven't had anything to drink since last Saturday and won't until the next trip, when we are headed to Myrtle Beach - which is this week from Wednesday - Sunday. After that, softball will be over so I expect to go back to drinking less often. I feel a little weird saying that - I don't really have a problem with the fact that I've been having a drink or two on weekends - but I still keep close track and things feel better to me when drinking is every 2-3 weeks versus every week. Either way, even with weekly drinking, I'm not craving any more, etc. and so overall things are still great. Yay!!

[NoraC]

Hi Frances - I was wondering where you were. Also, wondering how AG is doing.

Frances - I think it's great that you are able to moderate. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job at it. The fact that you feel free is the answer right there. It wasn't in my cards but I am FINALLY accepting that. (I'm a slow learner )
My niece is busy with her kids sports. I don't envy you all that running around.

Search - sorry that your post was missed. Welcome!

[frances]

Thanks Nora - yes, we are definitely busy running around a lot. Soon enough the kids will be out of the house and we will be wondering what to do with all of our free time! I'm glad you have figured out what works and doesn't work for you!

[ToMyHealth]

Hey, Frances. Almost August and your summer will wind down. Glad to hear you are doing so well.
I had a lost day this week. Not happy about that. At all! Last night had 1-1/2 drinks, slept well, and now today getting ready to entertain in our new home for 1st time. But first am going to go wind up my 4th week in the Couch to 5K program.

This thread is basically dead. But since I am not presently AF feel like it's the place for me to post. Anyone out there?

TMH

[frances]

Hi TMH! Got back from Myrtle Beach but turned around for a quick trip to MN for a cousin's funeral service. Sorry you had a bad day - sounds like you've got a good mental state to keep this going! You can't get slack or AL will sneak right back in. Hope your entertaining went well and that your exercising is still going well too. Isn't it very hot when you're out there? In Myrtle beach it was upper 90s and muggy as heck - it was really bad!

[ToMyHealth]

Hi Frances, sorry to hear about your cousin. Yes, it is very hot here. If I run outside it is no later than 9a. Usually I go to the Fitness Center and use the treadmill. Runs outside are much more satisfying, however. Our community has a 5K and 15K to benefit Homes for Humanity, something like that, in Oct. They used to have a 8K, wish they still did. I have often worked it, this year I want to be a runner.
Have heard Myrtle Beach is beautiful. Did you golf?